How has advising here helped you in your married life????

Priya35 · Feb 18, 2010

I have always silently followed some threads. Recently, I have posted something that was in my mind and got some wonderful responses. Thanks

I have observed there are some very intelligent and smart ladies out there. They can advise very wisely the most difficult situations too. To all the posters who guide most often than post your worries here, my question is

"Has advising here made any difference in your married life, I mean, did you see there was different side in you? Did it bring about any difference in the way you think now? Have you found that your thinking was wrong sometimes??"

To summarize my questions, how has it helped you in your life other than the satisfaction you get by trying to get someone out of problems??

Priya

aruna_077 · Feb 18, 2010

Hi priya,

I really am not sure if suggestions given here has brought out any change here.. But all suggestions hv been given by those who have been in those difficult situations before and have dealt with them first hand.

I think apart from the moral support you get from here, one thing that can really make one feel light is the fact to learn that its not just one person but so many others who are into that problem. Maybe many are into worse situations. And that really helps you to believe you are lucky!!

I have realized this myself - tat my problems are far less compared to what some others are going thru!

-Aruna

sowmyar · Feb 18, 2010

Aruna, I think OP wanted to know how counselling helps the person offering the advice, not the one taking it. But I agree with the point you said about realising that many out there are facing harder issues.

Coming back to your question Priya, I have both offered advice and received counsel from wise souls here at IL. When putting in my suggestions for those seeking advice, I think the most important benefit to me is the sense of being of help, and the satisfaction in knowing that we offer hope even if we did not 'solve' much :cheers. Another plus is that we see our own lives in a totally different light (not just marital life). It helps even acknowledge our own shortcomings esp when we see someone reacting in a way we might have reacted once and now in disagreeing with them and suggesting a different apporach we see our feelings/actions/decisions in a whole new way - am I making sense?!

I am curious to know what other ILites think on the subject. An interesting discussion this will be I think! :thumbsup

aruna_077 · Feb 18, 2010

I think both (givers and takers of suggestions) change everyday.. We all grow everyday. We keep learning new things and so its not very surprising if one feels what he/she suggested the other day is nomore what he/she thinks right now. Opinions do change.

Maturity comes with a lot of patience and observation...

Our wisdom grows every time we learn about others.

This is why most of the times we see posts analyzing the situation from every point of view; not just from the OP's point of view!

And thx sowmyar - I was on a different track!

sowmyar · Feb 19, 2010

I totally agree Aruna. Maturity comes with age, experience and exposure to how our decisons change our lives - meaning we wish we had not done/spoken what we felt was 'right' at that time. How strange is it right, that although people are resistant to change it is eventually what helps us traverse this life - wisdom is not an easy thing to gain!

About point of view, this is why a forum like IL is so helpful. We often think only from our perspective - it always helps to see from the 'other' person's viewpoint - something an unbiased can offer.

Rihana · Feb 21, 2010

Whatever suggestions I have posted here have helped me. Though I didn't realize how much until I came across this thread and actually thought about it. I think I used to be very emotional and unable to think through a problem in a detached manner, if the problem was mine or that of my friends that I talk with on the phone. Thinking a little bit about problems posted here, and spending some time on phrasing the response so it makes sense to people we communicate with only through the written word, has changed my thinking in a good way.

This change has been commented upon by my friends and DH too. Bow

-Rihana

sowmyar · Feb 22, 2010

Rihana, That is wonderful to hear! I think OP might be happy to know that someone experienced positive change firsthand, as a result of offering counsel at IL.

Great going gal!