How Do You Put Up With Your Inlaws?

Op,
If you have so much history why does your husband insist on taking them for trips? I don't understand how husband can see his wife humiliated silently and then reward parents. I think your husband needs to be taken to task for their behavior. If he is silent when they badmouth you, chances are they think your husband does not think highly of you either. Since you don't have support from parents as well it's going to be difficult if your husband does not stand up for you. All the best.

 

I feel in-laws respect or love dils as much their husband loves. If they know their son will stand up for wife they will not abuse in first place.

 

******Regarding GPs brainwashing grandkids against their Mums*******

I know it happens. Real life example is in my own house , luckily not with me.

My Hubby's brother's wife (my co-sis) is regarded worst person and bitch in our family. I didnt know about her when we got married. After i got married , i heard so much horrid things about her , they(my hubby's bro and his wife) were living separately that time. My ILs told me how much bad things abt my co-sis and asked me to not have any relation with her. But they had her son with them . I was surprised. But since i didn't have to stay with my ILs any longer than 30 days after marriage, i thought instead of trying to find what happened , i should be nice DIL to them and just keep quite. I came to UK one year after my marriage.

Then Later in our visits to backhome , i found out. my ILs had big fight with co-sis, they kicked her out. They kept her 10 months son. I was told CO-sis is worst woman alive because of her bad mouthing etc etc. I never had to interact with her , so didnt know abt her personally. But now i found out , She is going through depression and need to be on regular medication , My ILs dont let her see her son , her son is 18 yrs old now. My MIL made sure he couldnt see his mum and she couldnt see him.Every time when i went backhome , i saw MIL talking to that boy against his mum. No matter how bad mum is, no mum and son should be abandoned from seeing each other, so i found that strange. MIL poisoned that boy to a extent he is so confused about his life.I met co-sis last year when i went , and found she is reasonably good lady. im sure ILs made all those story when they said so much bad about her to me and others. i also blame that mum who could stay without seeing her son just because MIL says so.

Now my MIL is here to look after my boy who is just 1 year old. I never wanted to invite her , but again couldn't go against my hubby's wish.She hasnt been that bad to me and my son yet , but still i cant wait for her to go backhome. I rather keep my son in childcare. My hubby is just like yours . If i say anything against his parents, he would make big big fuss and gives me silent treatment and what not. So i decided to tolerate her for 6 months(only 3 left now).

 

Have you tried ignoring them? I have found that to be the best strategy with recalcitrant relatives. It's your house, you have the power. Plus, you live in the West so there is no social pressure to worry about. Let them visit. Let them talk to your husband. Let them spend time with your son but keep him firmly under your control. Only speak to your in-laws when you have something to say. Otherwise, keep quiet. If they say something that you feel doesn't deserve a response, keep quiet. There is nothing they can do. Let your husband know that you shall be giving his parents the silent treatment or speaking to them selectively. Another option would be to move to a hotel for the duration of their trip or take an impromptu holiday with your son. This is a somewhat drastic response, but it would keep you and your son away from your in-laws and send a strong message to your husband.

 

Poor fellow. He's probably a nice chap who hesitates to interfere in the quarrels of women. Plus, he would have to face immense backlash from the two primary women in his life, his wife and daughter. I can't blame him. It would take a man of extraordinary courage and fortitude to stand up to his wife and daughter for the sake of his daughter-in-law.

 

What horrible bastards. Pardon my French.

 

Hi I think everything you are doing is absolutely 100% correct. I wish I had the guts to have stopped my child's interaction with my MIL. It turns out my suspicions were correct but never formed the dots when he was young. He told me that when I went to work she would always say bad things about me, about my parents and how my son should not listen to me but to his dad. I could not figure out why he was so naughty and rebellious with me and wanted nothing to do with my parents. Fast forward to him now as a teenager and he always says he loves my side of the family and has now figured out Grandma was lying all those years. He also told me all the venom she said about me. The damage is done I can't take back those years but these woman are evil and will turn your kids against you. He is very smart now as he does not want to hear anything bad about me, and he will confront her and say my mom is not like that, and please don't say that about my mom. He himself now as an adult has a very guarded relathionship with her. My point is you have every right to restrict access to your kids to protect them from this type of brainwashing. i cut my in laws off years ago, they tried for years to ruin my life but I would not relent. Now they beg for my company and beg to spend time with me, and I do spend time with them when absolutely necessary, but I don't get emotionally involved with them and they know it.

My suggestion to you is, when they are here, treat them like you would any guest, be coordial polite etc as long as they stay in line. The minute they test boundaries or cause problems bring it up and cut them off. That is what I do. Then they will learn.

 

Kudos to you for standing up to for yourself!! I cant do it as I am scared about the consequences!!

 

Wow women mean nothing and parents are gods? To hold her responsible for their reactions is extreme. Everyone can be emotional---but being dramatic is an entirely different level of manipulation. So it's better for the wife to suffer and grow sick? Eventually that will happen if she always adjusts for ILs sake. What will be the purpose/future of the marriage then? Parents have lived their life, everyone ought to have the same opportunity.

 

Wow op, I admire your strength. I'm not there yet but i hope oneday soon I will be able to cut them out. I feel your pain about a happy marriage being sacrificed for others. I'm not with you regarding children not seeing grandparents though. Each to their own i guess.