How Do You Put Up With Your Inlaws?

Jas, u r right in ur stand.....although grandparents are a pleasure for the kids...but grandparents who r abusive towards the mother cant be a gud impression for the kids...
only u know wht is right for u....
and we have developed this tendency tht because it is too common and it is small so please bear it ....even if it is wrong...
this kind of tendency will not take women anywhere near the fairness....

 

Jas,

I had to respond because you are calling people who disagree with your view as "jealous".

Please! I am not jealous...

A disturbing pattern I see in all your posts...You call people names. Right from your husband, brother, SIL and also other ILS..calling them "poor comprehension skills" "jealous" "get a life"....To me, you come out as a disrespectful person..and I am not sure how much of you to blame in the laws issues...

You blame the whole world but do not take any responsibility on your side. To you, you are correct, 100% of the time...so you just want posts who support your actions.

Please don't call us any more names!...I am done with this thread!

 

Nicely put.

Husband just moved from mom's control to wife's control .

The child is the one Stuck in power games .
OP has all the right to hit back at inlaws but using a child is no no.

 

OP,
Like your fearless attitude here :thumbsup Only you know the abuse and mental harassment you were subjected to. May be the people who are advocating grandparent's rights didn't have to face such horrible in-laws or they might not have come across some grandparents who use kids for the power play. Not all grandparents are saints.

My in laws actually involves very young grand kids in such power play games at home. My BIL and co-sis have two kids (8 and 7 year old). Since they live together, I have seen many times or heard my in laws saying bad things about kid's mother mostly( the DIL) and at times about their own son also. My MIL separately calls kids on one side and ask what were your parents talking? There is a lot of politics going on like my MIL prefers her daughters kids over son's kids and my FIL gives preferential treatment to male kids. So in the name of love and care, actually they are infusing hatred and drama in those kids. No wonder the kids talk like grown up adults now itself.

May be your in laws can spend time with your child when you or your husband is around. May be you can talk to your husband about how much access they should have, like the moment they use the kid for their politics, your husband should tell them:notthatway: No politics to kids please!
You do what is best for your child. Once the kid is grown up, he will decide for himself.

 

Exactly, his controlling owner shifted from mom/sis to the one who had his nuts tightened. God forbid, someone else tightens his nuts more he will acquire a new owner who will own him. No one is saying GPs are saints, far from it, but personal vendetta diffrnt from not allowing access with parental supervision.

 

***To everyone who thinks Jas is wrong for keeping her ILs away from her child***
I have personally been fed **** against my mother by my grandmother and my father's sister. You know what they did? Took me to dinners and lunches alone to feed me through my ears. Took me into their houses and sweetly, with smiles, told me crap about my mother. They went absolutely out of their way to brainwash me.Thank God I was 17 when they did it. If I were younger, I would have believed them.
Some of you do not realize what kinds of vile things people will do. You are lucky to have ILs so fair that they choose not to taint the innocent.

You, Jas, did the absolute right thing. And I do wish things were different for you. At the same time, once the child is a little bit older and able to judge right from wrong I think it would be good for the child to have some early exposure to the kinds of people that roam the world...

About your original question... deal with the in laws as diplomatically as you can. Don't blow your fuse. Look cool and light a fire under MILs you know what...she shouldn't even know what hit her...

I also think it's a good idea to let your husband know that you are preparing for the end...

 

There are also scores of inlaws who don't feed ears of children if they are not in good terms with Dil. Many have good relations with grandchildren .

 

Yes....there are every kind of people and thts y only the person in situation knows what is best....

 

Oh yes, they know best even before situation occurs. It is blind assumption. As others said, it is the child here who is being deprived. The child need not be left alone if one has so much doubt but can be under parental supervision . Mil used her son to get back to Dil. Dil using her son to get back at mil . I don't see any difference between both mil and Dil . Both are wrong

 

Just a random observation.

We already have convinced ourselves that what we are doing is righteous in every possible way and that we have valid reasons to behave in a certain way. If we are so sure and strong about our decisions, why do we post for suggestions in the online forums, only to substantiate, again and again, to the online members that what we are doing is right?
I believe we should have patience for reading, evaluating, and maybe reconsidering our moves/decisions, rather than going to extreme lengths to justify our real life personalities to the online world.