How Do You Put Up With Your Inlaws?

All I can say is good for you for being strong and standing up for yourself. Many of us are afraid of consequences.

For example, if I give it back to my in laws, my husband will fight with me, not talk to me for days, make my life miserable, leave me out and even ignore me. In the past, this used to scare me and I did all I could to avoid conflict which meant that I would be the one to suffer from taunts, insults and had to mostly bear it.

Lately, I have prepared my mind more to face the silent treatment from spouse rather than insults from in laws. And I have noticed that they have tried to tone down their taunts and keep their distances because they know I won't hold back my tongue.

However, still working on the process...and hopefully I will be as strong as you some day.

 

I have to laud you on the will power and strength you have. You come across as a no nonsense person and I am sure your MIL has quite a formidable opponent.
Is your MIL coming to stay with you forever? Or is it just a short visit?
I am assuming its a short visit and from your past stands, I am 100% sure MIL would think twice before messing with you. Just continue with the stance of not taking any sh** from them, but if its a short term, dont blow your fuse. If DH behaves weird, ignore him with a glowering look or just walk away. You can hold your horses till MIL leaves and then give your DH a piece (or several pieces) of your mind
I would say, being as strong as you have been, this should just pass over. Dont fret too much over it.

 

Jas....

Your DH is ok with his parents not having access to grandkid for 4 years???

I think you succeeded in tightening his nut to the point where he has none. Pradon my language. I am not ok with people using power and control like this

 

Dear op..u r doing the right thing..jus continue being like dis..its good for u n ur kid..ofcourse u should take control of ur kid ..if they cant respect u and then they clearly cant take advantage of ur kid..if they can control thier son even at dis age then u sure have all rights to take the control of ur kid..u r cent percent using ur control and power in the correct way ..other people can oly comment from thier view and they are not in ur shoes..so they may not be ok with the way u use ur power and control..but its not thier buisness ..so dnt take those to head coz only u know wat kinda probs and authorities u face by ur inlaws..so be brave like the way u r nw ..an never bend if u have to lose ur selfrespect..bend oly for love and not for arrogance..cheers proud of u

 

Bron,

Please stick to your comments for OP's issue and not comment on what I posted. read the forum rules on this

2. When replying to a thread, please restrict your replies directly to the OP. There is no need for anyone to make any unnecessary references to any other poster's suggestions. Each one is entitled to his/her own views and is [COLOR=#009900 !important]free to air[/COLOR] them here.

 

No need to put up with their **** behavior. It doesn't mean you must lose your reasonably good marriage for self respect either.

Let your husband invite his side of the people to your home (that is his home too), and make all the plans and precautions since he knows what's gonna happen.

Try your level best to stay calm when unexpected things happens with the guests. Because gusts are guests, and we can never expect the usual harmony at home when guests are around. That too in laws as guests. Of course a little bit of adjustment is needed.

However, should your in laws take your generosity for granted, and behave otherwise (attacking your self respect), then you have no reasons to put up with that.

It doesn't mean you too should dig the mud and spread it everywhere. But you can clearly show your reactions through body language, probing questions like "why do you think so, how, where? what? etc..etc.... Please keep the tone gentle, but firm to show them that you are in alert mode. Your reaction will make them "wait and watch" before they use any nasty language the next time.

Do not expect a son to fight against his mom for his wife. It is not easy to find such a reasonable person without any bias. So, face your battle on your own, but respectful manner to win the war called marriage.

 

Hi Jas,

Just wow! You are very strong lady, I wish I meet people like you often so that I can learn something. I don't have much advice but you came this far by being so strong, you can handle this also well I think.

Your in-laws may be nice first and may try to impress your kids so that when they leave from here and reach India, from there they want to talk to your kids in phone and may start manipulations, controlling, and try to get info through kids this all will happen I feel. People really don't change 90% of the time.

Are you and kids also going along with them for the trip, if so then your kids will get somewhat close to your in-laws, as u all spending lot of time together. How old are your kids? Please talk with them very minimal and only what is needed, and give a message that U still didn't forget all what happened.

 

Jas...

Dont worry about other's comments. You are just fine. And I am sure you will be fine after the visits too.

Your fear and precaution is reasonable. Even I did the same when I had issues with in laws.

They have a choice. If they want access to their grand-kid, better they learnt to treat the mother's of their grand- kid with respect and love. Because no one has rights over the kids than a mother.