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How Do You Control Your Anger?

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by anika987, Feb 27, 2020.

  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Right now in a family function and am
    Fuming..

    Correct me if am wrong..

    my family has always teased me and sometimes even humiliated me and so honestly these days I don’t even know the difference between fun and insults..

    My cousin,his wife,uncle and aunt arrived..

    my cousin’s wife never even says a hi and everytime I start the conversation to make things comfortable.However,she is okay saying hi ,resuming conversation and being fun with everyone around.With me there is a stern face and after I say hi she reacts and then it’s cool.This time I refused to even react.I did not say anything and she didn’t care.So I left it.


    My aunt came to me and said “My granddaughter did not poop for five days..please show her your face.It will make her poop”..this comment the family makes many times when we meet,I laugh it off but this time
    I got irritated.

    I felt am also older,married,a mom and not a teen anymore and my relatives have to stop being so funny.

    Then my cousin came and said “My daughter did not poop for few days as you must know.Please show your face”..

    Well they thought it was humorous but this time I don’t know why I had my “Moment of irritation”..

    I didn’t want to react so sat down with my phone.My aunt then said “All the time she is with that phone”..

    I just burst out in anger and shouted “do you have the guts to say this to your daughter in law and the other relatives? Is it always me ?”..

    Then my uncle got angry and said we don’t want to talk to you anymore..I screamed and said
    ” yeah when anything happens, it’s tomato chutney in my case but bloodshed in your case”..

    I got up and now in a room...I have calmed down but don’t know why I burst out like that..This is supposed to be a small issue..usually I have so much self control,smile it off but what happened to me today?Why did I get so angry?

    Is it wrong to expect to get some basic respect?I have tolerated their taunts and many others for more than two
    Decades..I started questioning myself why should I take it anymore..

    However..I don’t know why I overreacted today..They could have been funny but why I felt insulted?

    How do u control anger?
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
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  2. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    You responded correctly.
    Good for you. You need not interact with poop minded family again!

    There is a limit for teasing. If it’s light hearted and not too hurtful then it’s fine. But teasing shouldn’t be done in such a way that they enjoy by hurting others too frequently. Good you gave back else it keeps continuing forever.

    Even if I was in that situation I would get hurt and definitely I would be more furious which is natural.

    The best way to control anger is give the taste of their own medicine. Reply in such a way that next time they think twice to even tease and hurt you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2020
  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Thanks shravs..I was feeling guilty that I didn’t control myself..
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 Finest Post Winner

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    You need not feel guilty for someone else stupidity @anika987.
    If you don’t respond back properly they will take it as an advantage and take you for granted. Learn to standup for yourself.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    True shravs....
     
  6. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    Funny? That’s a horrible way to insult anyone! I am not so used to such remarks and my first thought was what sickening characters your relatives are.

    You did what you felt. There is no right or wrong answer. You bursted out and that’s all right. I would have avoided such people by simply staying away after their first remark ( here I meant when it happened years ago) or walk out of the gatherings ( current situation) after directly telling that it was a sickening behaviour. Since you had already known these relatives behaviour since young, why do you keep visiting them again. Avoiding triggers is also part of anger management. So avoid them and they help a lot to control anger.
     
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  7. deepthyanoop

    deepthyanoop Gold IL'ite

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    Anika, sorry to say your relatives are bullies. Your response was normal. As for the next "poop" comment, you can say something like " if the child didn't poop even after see all of your faces all the time, I doubt she will poop if I see her. Maybe it's something with the food you give her. Did you check with the doctor?"
    If you are dealing with these kind of people on a daily basis,that explains some of your threads.. I just want to tell you there is nothing wrong with you and you behaved as any other sane person.
     
  8. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you need to control anger ?
     
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  9. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    but why to bring-in cousin wife /their DIL when you shouted back at aunt?. her not saying a hi was in your mind? her not saying hi is ok, i feel , lot of people choosy even to simle and say a hi.

    your other relatives are mean thouugh
     
    sindmani, deepthyanoop and anika987 like this.
  10. AmulB

    AmulB Silver IL'ite

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    Hi dear, that’s a mean comment they’re throwing at you regarding their kid not pooping. They r aware of what they’re doing to u, and expecting u to not react and testing ur patience. I know u burst out in anger for now. But learn a lesson that next time if u r put in that kind of situation how u r going to handle the situation. Handle it w sarcasm, say something similar pathetic thing and relate to them saying if they could help the same way then u can help with theirs. U should annoy them jokingly but not in anger, when anger is shown u will be at blame. And that’s what just happened... I was in such situations, where even I exploded and was made feel bad for none of my mistake. Ppl lit fire and enjoy the drama later. So next time better take it w full charge. For now just relax and pretend as if nothing happened and u enjoy the party w ppl u like or ur kid. Just ignore, not worth investing time in such Ppl bad comments. If u still cannot avoid them, have a strategy next time. Say it to urself, u r there for just little time and do ur thing have fun for urself and move on.
     
    anika987 likes this.

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