How do you bear the family's financial responsibilities?

Dear friends

Its a long time nagging question, that bothers me a lot.

In my family, we share our financial responsibilities as proportion to our salaries. I earn a bit more than my husband; hence my part of the financial contribution to our family is a bit more than what he is sharing.

I pay half of my salary for the EMI, and then spend on my own needs, such as my meals and accommodation (if I am out of home) periodic medical, facials and other beauty stuff, and the gifts for my child. Whereas my husband spend on the family stuff plus transportation. It is just fine with us.

After this, we both save our remaining salary on our own savings accounts. From which we spend on our personal luxuries or on our FOOs. Of course we inform each other on what is spent and what is remaining, but this is not on purpose, we just casually do so.

Often times my mom claims that my family doesn't look like a "real" family. She quotes that my dad used to share all his salary with my mom, and it was my mom who plans, spends and saves for the family. Same with my uncles and others.

Recently one of my cousin, of my age visited our home and shared the same thing with us. My mom says, it is just me (in the universe) who spends more on family matters than the husband, and never question on husband's spending or savings. She of course confuses more with my husband's past, and I know it takes time for her to accept his changes.

I checked this with my real life friends and colleagues... They also apparently have the same policy as my mom, i.e Husband spends on all the family matters, and wife saves. Husband shares his salary with wife, and then wife spends.

Their reasoning is "men are not good at family spending", if left careless, they will become spendthrifts or their parents (ILs) will easily drain them.

Well, is it just me who is on the wrong end? or am I doing just fine?

Friends, please analyse!!!

 

Well, saving is there, but saving in a bank as cash is very limited. We rather invest on other stuff, which is of course a business, but in fact savings too.
This is where my folks are uncomfortable... They find it strange as I should save at least 50% of my salary as cash in back for the kids' future.... Am confusing.

 

Thanks for your suggestion Radhi

Our mistake (Not sure whether it is a mistake or not) is that we don't spend things together. Husband goes to supper market or wherever to buy the needful household stuff as per the list given by my mom or servant. He does consult with me, but it is more of a routine stuff. He does it as per his convenience. As long as the things are on table when we need them, I don't mind who purchased this.

On the other hand, my EMI is automatically deducted by the bank... I do the other stuff when it is needed.

Since it is a practice in our place, specially with those SAHMs those do the shopping and budgeting of their home, my mom might be confused, I guess.

On the other hand, I had trouble with my H via my in laws when we had this joint account. Savings or spending, it was always a problem for us before. So, we decided to keep it separate for now, and do the needful as per our responsibility.

 

We are perfectly fine with this arrangement, and now a days, we don't even discuss about it unless there is a serious change. So, I too think I should ignore comments and stick with what works for me/us best.

Btw, for my General Knowledge.. May I ask you guys about how you manage your finances if you are a working wife/mom?

 

Thank you for your reply. This is what call cultural sensitiveness I guess. Although, we share most of the things in common, some practices specially the women's role in a family is somewhat different in Sri Lanla. At least I would say, it is clearly a different case in the towns like where I am from.

Its rare to see a woman who begs her husband for her own spending regardless of her earning capacity (be it a SAHM, or working woman). Men suppose to give money to woman, and it is the practice here.
That's why my mom and friends are confused as the way it is different in my home. But again it is indeed different because the women whom I checked in person aren't working woman. So, they simply get the money from their husband to run the home.

As a working woman, I have no difference than my husband. I am also tired and lazy to budget or plan the spending. I don't expect money from him either.
I prefer this way, as I am a bit relieved from household shopping, but I have the needful things in hand when needed. Also, I am kind of not used to ask money from others (including my dad when I was studying) for my personal use. If they give, I accept but I never ask for it. So, it is more of helping with my personality.