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How Do U Manage In Such Situations.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sindmani, Jun 22, 2017.

  1. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Haha.. "Cursed, if bad mouth others".. that's a good one.,
    I wonder if that may work :roflmao:
     
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  2. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Bad news like accidents or etc affects me a lot. My grand parents met an accident and expired. So I am more vulnerable to bad news That's all plus I go overboard on sympathizing that . talking ill of some one. And wishing ill for some one even if she does not know them is what hurts me again. I get little panicky. Later I get out if it . but few minutes I get such feelings. I learnt to deal with it. I can't completely stop the talk though, but I have successfully reduced such talks from her to me . Yes she says I am over reacting when I get emotional. Her cosisters talk with her more other than my sil and me and they are a good company.But I have restricted my talks to her to only when my dh is near.so I can talk briefly.
     
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2017
  3. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I didn't want to say this but ur post has made me to say this. When my husband was striving hard in USA to settle down,a person came to my mom(my dad's distant relative), and she told which made my mom stunned. She asked "how is ur daughter" n my mom told fine. That aunt told"it seems ur son in law is struggling to find projects there, it is a punishment for ur sambandhi to talk ill of working women". It seems her daughter is working woman and my mil was talking to many ladies about working women in a not so good way(I don't want to say ). She felt really bad because she thought it was indirect taunt to her.So she is really happy that my mil has learnt her lesson. But what did me or my husband do . I believe in goodness.
    Not only this but few more people csme n told me this. My atha (my father's sis)told me (directly) that her daughter was ridiculed by my mil for not being well settled (again it is a big thing )so nature is making u guys suffer. it happened the same last year. . I don't mind what people say though because my husband is good person who does not wish bad for anyone. I don't want ill to anyone. Maybe that is what helping us now. I know we are what we are. But still I will be happy and proud if people talk good about my mil. Yes not only patents but good name to inaws is also . Yes I am not lucky here . its ok now she is old . may be its her age . I don't know. Thanks for ur support ilites. I will control my panick first. I already made up my mind to stop feeling so much for her words.
     
  4. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    Pregnancy makes u extra sensitive...can understand ur feelings.
    Tell ur Mil that any bad news is affecting ur mental health n increasing blood pressure, ask her to talk positive stuff.
    If she doesn't change limit ur interactions with her and take help from ur husband for this,
     
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  5. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    You can try to be immune to her talks.

    These topics are much better than..
    What did u cook today?
    Did you clean the house?
    Why didnt u buy that house?
    We need some money
    How are u managing finances.
    ...
    Etc etc
    I dont know ur background.. but may be she is just trying to be courteous and have a talk with you and conversation going..

    My MIL and I have nothing to talk.. as i dont encourage her in any family gossip. Next talk is about micro managing the house. Obviously we had huge fights on that.. so we r both mute and my H hates that we dont talk to each other(me-mil) much
     
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  6. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks before it was a small problem but now it gets more. May be my differences in my hormone level is a reason . don't know exsctly. Already I have limited the talks .
     
  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Being immune is what we can do. Scared of her tantrums before I never open up my displeasure in all the negative comments about me, my family or even others. I usually say" its ok Lets leave the topic, see you R not feeling good talking about them" or something like that. But when about me, o will simply go in crying mode. Bit I am feeling very odds to bear with this drama and pampering her and saying things indirectly. Now She doesn't say about me any thing now . as u said she doesn't have any thing to talk so .thanks I will be immune again.
     
  8. Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    I do encounter people like your MIL within my extended family. I have come to the conclusion that some people thrive on others misfortune , gives them joy .Something you and me will never understand . I wonder if it also comes with some deep rooted insecurity that the person has. Someone that is pretty confident and happy with oneself will never feel the need to put others down or laugh at their misery.
    Don't waste your time trying to tell your MIL that she is wrong in speaking ill about others. She will not understand . Don't respond to her much when she talks negative things, Cut short the conversation and hang up right away. you need lots of good thoughts , so don't worry too much !
     
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  9. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes insecurity is there with my mil.I am unable to solve that issue for her. Even if I pamper her she won't come out of the shell. Now really I have come to a point where my peace is important . as many pointed out she will not understand I am helping her. Rather she would say that I am not talking properky to fil and my husband.my fil will start shouting if I am complained. My husband will ask me to get good name from his parents.What is earning good name.? I still dont understand . I usually I am patient when she makes fun of me, my personality, my village dressing sense(I have changed for good after coming to USA). But when they talk about some one else , I politely deviate the topic(my family history of tragedy, I will over sympathise), I feel really bad for the person who is being bashed. If it is her in-laws, I understand they have politics but for people who they even don't know or if it is my side relative or my parents, brother, then I think it is not right for me to hear it. For good now I reduced the talks stating some reason.
     
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  10. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    I am into meditation . so I think I am some what sane because of that. Yes , I am better a lot now after writing here. It seems we all would have known one or the other person like this. Fine , I thought it was only me having such encounters. That made me more sick of the talks.but now I feel I am not alone. People have grown out of this not gone under it. So I am alright. Feeling confident. Wish no one faces such situations again.
     
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