How Do I Work This Out ?

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by anika987, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You are right..

    Honestly,am a happy homemaker..
    I do have some hobbies but I feel a lot of peer pressure..

    i wish I can be what I want to be..
     
  2. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Trust me Anika, those mothers are jealous of you.
    They are probably not having the support system that your H is giving you.
    They are themselves yielding into the pressure given by their relatives regarding the working woman status, most likely. So it sort of annoys them to see that you are able to happily rock the status of SAHM which they cannot.

    I had many "friends" like that and I was constantly irritated about joining a job as if my hands were not full enough with 2 kids ! I learnt to avoid these people and go to library and pick up good novels and make friends in the library and join book clubs.
    I kept to myself and learnt to bake various cakes and cookies.
    I volunteered in the local church that I attended.
    I was doing things that I enjoyed and kept me busy - I was happy though I was not bringing in $$
    I had no time to chat or talk to these negative naginis - they did not know what to do so they avoided me altogether.
    I was happy to be alone than having such hopeless "friends".

    I had only one friend, Indian, who would encourage me to do what I wanted to do. And sometimes asked me what my future plans were - no pressure as long as I knew what I wanted from my life. We are still really good friends.
    She was one desi who was a genuine friend I had. We would meet once a week in church and sometimes at each others home for a meal.
    Now I have 6 friends including my first friend - 6 friends in 6+ years of Australian living.
    Quality over quantity is the key.

    Please sit down with a cup of chai or coffee and write down what exactly you want and what exactly makes you happy.
    Make a routine to do all those activities in a week. Keep sometime for your bodily maintenance - walk, nail colour, waxing/shaving, hair oiling etc. Drill down to that level of things that keep you happy.
    And now STICK TO THE DAMN ROUTINE.

    It will help you heaps Anika.

    You are a good mom and you have a supportive H. Enjoy this life darling. You dont need that negativity that comes in the name of friends.
     
  3. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    :roflmao:
     
  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    When do you plan to have kids ?
    When do you plan to have second kid ?
    Why dont you wear Indian clothes much?
    Were you wearing shorts in India?
    Did you ever sip wine in India ?
     
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  5. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Through out my married life, I have been a home maker, working part time and full time. So it has never been only one thing, it changes.

    Many years back, Once in a family function, this one old aunt from dh’s side comes to me n says ‘you guys have moved to our city n you still don’t take the time to come see us’
    I say ‘it’s just the busy schedule. We’l come’
    She says ‘he’s busy ok. But you are doing nothing only right (summa thaane iruke). You come n see us’ In an insulting manner.
    I lost it for a second, I mean how can you be summa/ doing nothing when you are a home maker , all work gets over by magic ? Kids n dh are cared for by magic ?
    Out of anger I told her ‘I am working, am busier than my dh’
    It wasn’t true, it was one of my home maker period, but why the hell would I give her that satisfaction. I was pissed.
    She actually shut up n left me at peace only after that.

    Even my own mil got off my back after this.

    Ever since then I use the same line anywhere that applies. Some people can’t leave you be, there’s nothing wrong in a lil bit of manipulation to get them off your back.

    Ps. I don’t share with them even when I am going for a full time job or a part time job. I stick to one story of which company through out n behave the same way through out my three jobs (full/ part/ home) or change of roles n companies. Got all of them off my back.

    I recently came across a neighbor friend who was telling her own kid that she’s working from home because she has to take care of her. I knew she wasn’t working. When asked about it, she said apparently that lil gal has been obsessed recently with working moms n considers them cool because her best friends mom is working full time. She said ‘this ‘cool’ thing will keep changing. Is it possible for me to get a full time job or be a dancer or a rocket scientist?’ For her, she just wants to tell her friends that ‘my mom is working too’ that’s all it is.’

    I know another lady who works on n off too but whenever asked she says she’s busy with some project at any given time.

    Another lady who says she’s always working when she has never gone for a job, ever.

    I concluded that they must have faced a similar issue like I did or worser that they are doing this to protect themselves n get people off their backs.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    @anika987 Never do things only for others n make yourself suffer. Instead find ways to ‘manage’ them.

    Because once you start, it will never stop.

    It can be from a job to even your clothing, or the way you walk, talk- how much are you gona change who you are?

    your hair- will you cut your hair if they complain it’s too long?

    sleep less, work the rest- are you gona kill yourself over their words?

    do this for for dh, do that for the kid, drive, don’t ask dh or kid for help around the house- are you the sacrificial lamb?

    only you have to be a supermom superwife superwoman, if it exhausts you, you are weak, she does it why can’t you- how much are you gona put up with ?

    About your daughter, from primary school to middle to high school, to colleg to her job n marriage n her kids, to her clothing, teenage drama to her love life to her life choices - how much can you control or do just because it doesn’t please others.

    It never stops.

    You are lucky to not have financial pressure, n blessed to have it as an option. I know few women who works even with complicated pregnancy n wants to take a break but can’t due to the financials.

    Instead of torturing yourself n go for a job that you don’t want, put in the same effort n learn to manage such people as it will help you in your future challenges n make your life easier as getting criticised about job isn’t gonna be the last thing you are gonna face from these people. Don’t fall for it.
     
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  7. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Next time they ask you why you are not working give a big smile and reply.
    “Because I can afford not to.”

    If they continue topic nod compassionately. “Yaaa? my hubby don’t want me to stress out with all this. He said Anika you just manage home, I ‘ll take care of everything. I’m sooooo lucky, my sweetu you know?” With a confiding smile.
     
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  8. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    Either go for highly paid job or do some work from home. I cannot leave my home for any job so can't suggest that to you too.....have some patience and wait for the right opportunity. Don't run with anything that you get. You are at very stable position at present. Enjoy this and keep working on your skills.
     
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  9. Users

    Users Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Anika, my advice would be little different from other members here, after my kids I too took a break and I enjoyed my break, still miss those days I spend with my kids. When I started looking for job again it was really hard, I had to start literally from scratch, after few years of experience and few job changes I can say I might be there where I’d be without my break.

    What I’m trying to say here is if you want to go back to work don’t look at the salary you are getting or don’t look at the money you might have to spend for your kid after care or other things but look at the experience which will help you to move further in your career.

    Please don’t take any decision based on other’s prospective it’s your life n you know the best how you want it to be.
     
  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks sbonigala..

    Sometime I over-explain to people!
    I don’t know why but after that I feel weird..

    I have my hobbies and am updating my skill sets just in case..

    I am going to chalk down a list as you said and see what more I like
     

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