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How Do I Say No

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Vedhavalli, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I decided to be who I am and cut off all the toxic relationships.

    Intially..it was scary and zero social life.

    However..after few days I realized I can start doing things which I REALLY WANT TO.

    1) First I stopped trying hard to make friends.I let go.

    2) I started to focus on myself and what I want to do.I joined fitness classes,Zumba,yoga..it was so refreshing.Something which I wanted to
    Do.

    3) Slowly..I realized I stopped fearing being judged coz I felt it’s totally okay to be alone.BEING ALONE and BEING LONELY are totally two
    Different things:)You start to
    Discover more of your strengths..

    4) Less fake socialization,less peer pressure and started to
    Doing more things I love.

    5) Honestly..I find ladies in IL are very genuine than in real life.I have so much fun here and people here have helped me a lot and it moulded me.people are more real in this virtual world including me.We all come here for a reason and people have been so helpful.Trust me:)

    6) Getting rid of bad friendships is the biggest gift I gave myself.Initially I feared I will be alone but now I feel “how many years I wasted being a friend to someone who is so unsupportive and
    Crab mentality?”

    7) NO expectations.Tough one but doable.You will get upset when people hurt you BUT since your expectations are low ..you will “recover faster” from the hurt:)

    8) Life a live true to yourself.Something I learnt and still learning.I always felt out of the crowd coz I liked things which deviated me from the norm of the society.I do things I like.I make sure to do something everyday which makes me happy.

    9) I don’t seek friends anymore but strangely I see people started to come more to me and even respect me for being the person I am.

    10) Now..I really don’t care much and feeling easier to speak what I feel but in a polite way..If a person like me
    Can do it..Anyone can!

    11)Overthinking is the worst enemy.I do things BUT I do things I love which diverts me a lot and my negative thought pattern gets channeled towards Positive..as an eg: I like food blogs and travel blogs..watch movies which I love..

    Once you let go...LIFE HAPPENS:)

    All the above surely made me much better and peaceful than before.
    I am not at all 100 percent there ..far from that but looking back..definitely I have come a far way.


    Sorry OP if I digressed..just wanted to share and see if my thoughts are of any help.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
  2. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I make friends only after a knowing them well.
    Out of my encounters from the past I'm very consicous while interacting with people.
    This particular friend never bothered till date only for the class she asked.

    I stopped being running around to help. Because it takes away my time and energy. Only during emergency situations I help or for genuine requests.

    True friendship are bygone era with school and college. At work place or neighbor Hood you can make friends as passing clouds. Real friendship could happen if both intended persons don't expect.

    I'm assertive while talking to aquitances. Only get on nerves with family and friends. I feel it's high time to be assertive with everyone except immediate family
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
    anika987 and gknew like this.
  3. gknew

    gknew Gold IL'ite

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    Aahhh!!! Thank you so much @anika987. Lovely!!!
    Thanks for sharing. I should learn all u said..I should learn from you.. I wish you were my friend or neighbor.
    And true that IL'tes are very genuine and I really adore a few.
    Just a quick out of topic question..
    So, do you go for outing or trip alone(I.e ur family alone) or go with any neighbors or friends? We go alone. But whenever i see a group of people in a place, will be down immediately and it will ruin my mind to enjoy my rest of the trip. I used to think that I am the only one with no friends to go with.lol..
     
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  4. gknew

    gknew Gold IL'ite

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    Very true.. we have to be assertive. I have to learn that. They are passing clouds only as you said. We have to come across many clouds.
    Since I don't have any family or relatives in US, and with no friends,I sometimes feel low. But cheer up myself soon.
     
  5. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sigh. Wish I could be assertive with immediate family also
     
  6. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    You are just like me few years back:)

    I used to think the same way you do before but now when I started to enjoy being who I am..the envy disappears.

    There are pros and cons to everything.

    People might look like they are enjoying but there could be lot of politics within the group.personally been there, experienced and witnessed it.One need to be ready to handle the good with the bad.

    Life is like Facebook.If you look at my fb page..people will literally envy lol..however..I know how many insecurities and demons I fight everyday:)

    I am basically in decent terms with people around me.I am very neutral.

    If I get a chance to go out with them and if am very comfortable with them I go.Also..I am not very comfortable in a big gang..

    eitherways I have too Many hobbies and in a phase of life where my inner peace is most important:)

    everything is a phase..after some years trust me..You will be where I am and probably have other worries and not care or try hard to make friends.

    all will be fine dear:)
     
  7. SGBV

    SGBV Finest Post Winner

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    Saying NO is an art, you need more practice to become a pro in it.

    Like someone said, repeat the same line.... Yes... the same lines again and again with the same emotions.
    " Sorry yaar, I don't have time during weekends for classes, that's why I send my girl to tuition elsewhere. You should try somewhere else"
    Repeat this till your friend understands it.
    Some people take a lot of time to understand and read between the lines.
     
  8. Amulet

    Amulet Platinum IL'ite

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    This thought deserves a thread of its own.
    About why we like IL better than the real world. :)
     
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  9. paru123

    paru123 Silver IL'ite

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    Op,
    If this friend understands your reasons and still is your friend, then she is worth keeping.

    If she turns out to be like the other selfish ladies then thank God for the situation created.

    Saying no is such a difficult thing especially to well meaning friends. In this case, you have genuine reason and hope the friend will understand it.
     
    Vedhavalli likes this.
  10. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Gold IL'ite

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    I have told her twice. I think I have to repeat more number of times to make her understand.
    I feel, some people pretend they don't understand. Thanks
     

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