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How Do I Convince My Brother Not To Marry A Divorcee Who Is Elder Than Him And Of Other Religion

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by confusedgal, Jan 28, 2017.

  1. suasin

    suasin Gold IL'ite

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    Look, by convincing your br to leave this woman you are spoiling 3 lives.. Your br is not going to forget her in a hurry..think about the woman you are going to find for him.. Atleast this girl knows what she is getting. Leave them be.
     
  2. Nonya

    Nonya Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a good thread. Thank you confusedgal.
    confusedgal is a good sleuth. Perhaps she will come back and post again to clarify some kochens. Why would a man need to pressurize parents to marry someone he likes ?

    Those inlaw's that have problems with confusedgal are likely unaware that she is a good sleuth.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2017
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  3. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    Your brother seems to be broadminded person for whom religion, previous history of girl etc..doesnt seem to matter. For such a person your arguments against this match are not going to hold any water. Dont burn bridges with your brother . If you cant whole heartedly accept dont oppose atleast
     
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  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    As for your brother and this woman....be grateful he has found someone on his own.
    How are you going to find a girl for him?.....lie about him being an irresponsible spoil brat?
    Isn't this better? This woman knows him and still accepts him.Why do you want to spoil some other girl's life.
     
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  5. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Tell that lady about the entire background of ur brother..show her the proof of his loans and his financial instability and also brief her about his irresponsible nature..
    Confirm if she is willing to accept him or not..
    If she gets second thoughts she may break up with ur brother..
    By the way is she willing to marry your brother or is it a passing affair.
    If your brother likes her inspire of her questionable character what can you do..maybe he likes women who are very sexually bold and active?
    If they get married, let them be..let them have a registered marriage or whatever on his own expense...either way tell ur parents to make him take responsibility of his loans and his family expenses and not take from them..and they should lead life on their own with him beating the expense of his wife and himself on his own.
    .if ur brother cannot earn even after doing higher studies and with previous job experience he definitely has some distractions and lack of motivation that prevents him from putting in efforts..
    all are adults and cannot be forced into making or breaking a relationship..on the other hand, if you stop indulging him and let him struggle on his own for a while without supplying him with cash and whatever he wants you maybe able to do some good to him..
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2017
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  6. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Your brother earns less. How easy will it be for you all to find a suitable wife for him ? If he has found one for himself , don't spoil it.Being elder than him or being of a different religion won't cause big issues if both of them are broadminded and accepting of each other.

    As for the loan that parents have taken for his education , he will pay back sooner or later.Let him at least get married first , before his age is past. Your parents must have paid a lot for your marriage expenses, gold etc. Have you ever considered paying back that money? If your parents had saved that money , maybe they wouldn't need to take a loan for your brother's education. Then why begrudge that your parents paid for his education? After all , in their old age,he is most likely to be there for them, live with them, take their responsibilities instead of you , as he is the son.

    Mortgaging your uncle's house was irresponsible though, on your father's part.
     
  7. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Dear, sorry to hear about all this, with my experience, I can say that unfortunately it is more likely that your brother will not fall out of this relation. when one falls in love, they become blind, no amount of convincing will help....my cousin fell for one, my DH fell for me, but in these situations , most important thing is for all family members should instead of pushing around, show them the direction.....I feel sorry for your parents, my cousin's parents do not like the girl, she has completely different set of personality than the rest of the family and its very tough and mentally torture for them to withstand her....but my cousin loves her and they are happy together....as long as your brother is not asking money anymore and is independent, your parents should start distancing away the financial support, the hurt will be less for your parents. unless your brother sees to the true color of the woman, he is not going to fall out... (or she may also be not of objectionable character, they may really love each other, and if they may in the long run are going to be happy with each other)..in all scenarios, first thing you need to start doing is tell your parents to mentally be strong and make sure they are financially secure, with their retirement funds etc, they should definitely be staying separate from your brother-and this woman if they marry....and your father should stop his financial support saying that he should realize his responsibilites now....and work for better jobs and better utilization of his time to improve his financial future and also it is for your brothers own good as he needs to start a family...your father should do it right away so that your brothe rmay not think that this is happening due to the woman he loves..if your brother sees that he is wasting his time in unnecessary infatuation, he will come to his senses and that would make him better see which direction he should head to.....
     
  8. confusedgal

    confusedgal New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your valuable suggestions and other perspectives.

    Till now there's no progress. My brother did conclude that he's going to marry irrespective of all the elders trying to talk him out. They have asked him to meet a religious man to which he disagreed saying he lost faith in our God (which is a Joke to me...Though he's not so religious, he did visit our kuladaivam alone by planning and travelling to the place before and after his higher studies which no one suggested and we didnt expect too)

    We suspect that they are already staying together may be from a month or so. I asked my parents to stop any financial help to him.
     
  9. AngelNew

    AngelNew Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear I know how hard is for a loving sister to see his brother making wrong choice but take a step back and ask your father not to send the money whenever he asks as this way he will be able to understand how hard is it to live and if it all goes good be happy with your brother choice and if it goes wrong you and your parents will not feel guilty as they did not try to convince him to leave this way your brother will learn to understand people. As they say love is blind and it seems to be true in your brother case
     
  10. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    I cannot emphasize more on this one point that please please please make sure your parents do not stay together after the marriage..2 people around me in India, in fact, 2 families, have borne the brunt of 498a misuse by DILs who were not happy in the marriages, for some, its a business..get married, and file 498a, extract money etc....so the best thing to do in case stuff starts going downhill is for your father to legally on paper remove your brother as heir in property..so that in case, things are sour between your brother and this woman, she cannot exploit and ask property share.....even out of court settlements they ask huge lakhs of money....I am sorry you are going through this.....I can understand the pain of daughters whose brothers do not take of parents well...in old age etc....but you need to be mentally strong and be supportive to your parents.....also one more advise: do not let this affect your family life a lot...keep a balance...
     
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