How Do Girls Live With Their In Laws?

OP, The issues you mentioned is quite common in joint family set up. You are new to the family..So they will scan you for some time. Your upbringing and family set up is different . It will take some time to adjust. So the confusions you have now is quite normal.
Just create an impression that you are part of the new family . Be yourself. Changing your personality too much to please others will backfire as they start expecting you to do the same. So set your boundary. If you have to say NO, say the same.. For the rest, try to use sweet and respectable ways to reply. Other ladies suggested you many tips. Be positive and try to build a good relation with PILs.

Remember MIL is always MIL and DIL is always DIL. Respect that boundary. If she try to irritate you , try to give a funny smile..all the time. Always try to set a boundary.

If you really want to stay with dh only, then find ways to move out to another house. That's is the only way.

I strongly suggest you to read many posts on MIL on IL ladies.. That will give a clear idea how common this issue is

 

Why dont we join an aerobics class or yoga after job and return home late??
Of course with kids it is not possible since we cant wait to see them even though IL dramas are awaiting our door steps..

 

Ddream, such great advice! I wish Dils have that much wisdom that early in marriage or someone so wise like you has advised them before they marry. In most cases, either Dil is too sweet or too independent (my case) & either way messes up things & there is a rift before we even know.

I want to know if anyone here handled things with great tact right from the beginning? I will setup an idol of that Dil in my home & worship her daily!

 

Haha that’s possible but one has to get home and back to loving in laws at some point

 

Problem is in Indian families joint family system is looked on as the best system in the world. No one wants to talk about the problems faced by daughter in laws or her rights other than monetary. We take great pride in our closely knit families. I personally find them intrusive and suffocating.

 

Hi,
I seriously like the way you answered the post. Being smart at the same time polite. I hope i could learn something from ur post, becoz im very short tempered person. If im in the situation, i dono how i would have reacted. So much patience needed to handle this kind of in-laws. Thank god, my mil is far more better.

 

I have done that number of times .

 

Hi parry 22
Given a choice most of the women will prefer nuclear family set up.before marriage we are not exposed to such situations.we get to know when we start living with them
I am staying with in-law for almost 9 years.first 1 year was tough,later we both understood each other ( me and mil)
Both have boundaries.if she didn't like any dish I prepare then she ll prepare a thogayal or applam etc.if my mil cooks I will prepare a salad or soups to make my meal healthy.bcos I don't want to take very oily food.that way we have made comfortable for each other
I don't have any other way,she ll be living with us permanently .so I cannot waste my life thinking about her.i usually reduce my conversation with her.i am also working so so she takes care of my two daughters.
I think my daughter s with safe hands until I reach home so I compromise the problem which we have
So don't get upset.try to find solutions.stay bold bcos early years of marriage we have to stand for yourself.to some extent adjust and try to engage your self then you will feel better.
Good luck

 

This is good advice ! Hats off to you and the MIL ! It takes two adjusting open minded women to make this relationship work.

 

So sad a situation when so many have advised OP to go for a job or some hobby to escape home. Generally home is our private space where we can relax and be ourself to escape from the outside world's politics and harshness and judgments.
It's really sad that Indian DILs are deprived of concept of home, and also family. It's really inhuman.

Also, I don't blame OP for accepting to live in joint family. The society itself is patriarchal, it was not her choice but what this society thrusts upon us.