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How did you tackle-MIL,SIL,CoSis??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sweetestshweta, Dec 7, 2011.

  1. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Hi ladies..
    We all have been sharing our problems,experiences and suggestions with each other through this forum.
    I thought that it would be great to share our strategies to tackle these relatives from hell..
    Please share your experiences as how did you successfully deal with all or anyone of them..
    So what worked for you??
     
  2. RJMK

    RJMK Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    I stopped giving them importance. My co-sis is a silent kind who will play mind games silently..I dont care for her acts now coz I dont want to get so low.It did bother me initially but now I am smart enough and stay out of her reach.Trust me in 3.5 years,I havent spoken to her much..
    My SILs did act smart but then they are married so I always feel they have enough issues of their own..but still if they are interfering or abusive..then I raise my voice once and for all and complete it then and there.As far as my MIL is concerned,I dont give her too much of importance.She aint my mother and I dont need to fret over her at all.Her son should take care of her...
    Simple funda is..You stay out of my life and I will be cordial with you.

    But this attitude of mine did not come overnight.I have been through hell and understood slowly.I have stopped bothering about the female clan in my IL family or what anyone thinks about me there.They will not chnage and since I am a working woman with a kid,I am too busy for them...

    Now things are Ok.Atleast I dont get unnecessary suggestions.They all know that it is not invited.Initially I used to feel for everyone like what they must be thinking of me and all..But I have realised now that their bitching and back biting will never stop and they are not going to accompany me till my grave so now I dont waste my time anymore on them.
    I dont ignore also.Just stay out of reach for them and I dont raise any topic of discussion with them.Whatever I say will be moulded into something else and presented differently.So why give them a chance.
     
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  3. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Since there are no replies,let me share mine..
    I have one SIL,one elder co-sis and MIL..
    SIL is a widow and so is a permanent member of our family.She throws a lot of tantrums and as she is a darling of both brothers and MIL,has her own way in everything,is very selfish and greedy and even though all her demands are always fulfilled,still remains disgruntled and cribs all the time.
    MIL truly supports her daughter in all unjust demands.Both SIL and MIL are very interested in knowing whatever is happening in our lives and smart as they are,have trapped DH in such a subtle manner that DH cannot think anything beyond them and thinks they are always right.
    CO sis is very sweet apparently and we used to share our problems with MIL and SIL earlier.
    There are a lot of problems going on in the family always-the originators of which are SIL or MIL with their huge demands always.
    I used to remain baffled and tensed as I was getting misquoted a lot many times and these ongoing problems stressed me out.
    But after going through the discussions on this forum and reading athers' problems,I understood the right ways to handle them.
    Co sis,although is caring and good,but she was misquoting me and pulling my name into discussions so,I have now limited my conversations with her and I try not to discuss MIL or SIL with her.If it is inevitable,I give a very mild view.
    With SIL,again as suggested by you all here,I am not very open and I have started distancing myself.So I am polite but cold and firm.This has given her a message and so,atleast with me,she tries not to play her tantrums and is generally ok with me.Although on my back,she badmouths me but I have stopped bothering.
    With MIL,I am very respectful and I have reduced calls with her too.

    So now,although DH talks to SIL and MIL a lot and is influenced with them,I seriously avoid discussing them with him.And as suggested by you all,I am maintaining safe distance from MIL,SIL and Co sis.So,although there are still many problems as these ladies cant be changed,I am able to have my peace of mind and I am much more relaxed noe.
    Thanks to this forum and lovely ladies here,who provided new perspective and solution to me.The problems may not end but with proper dealing,I am sure I'll be able to tackle all these ladies who share so much with the characters of saas bahu serials..
     
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  4. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

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    Ss,
    I am very happy for you. All the best dear.
    Bond well with your Dh.
     
  5. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    When MIL was alive and though we stayed under one roof we were not close nor even cordial to each other, she never shared anything with me and I always maintained my distance with her... but never missed an opportunity to taunt me and hurt me to the core with her sharp piercing tongue... I tried everything... silent treatment, keeping a big face, giving her back and even pleading with her to understand me... but nothing worked so the only way to get peace is to be physically away from her.. she used to spend most of her day in the drawing hall or dinning and I use to be in the kitchen or my room or just get out of the house.. courtesy my DD ... picking, dropping.. meeting other parents were the job's I enjoyed the most so this way both my mind and body is busy and occupied.

    Regarding SIL's ( my Dh has two elder sisters) they were my MIL's darlings she use to forget the world when they were here most of the time both these sisters use to plan their holiday together in their Mom's house so with the support of their daughters my MIl use to feel she has gained 100% more energy to taunt me.. all three (sil's and MIL) never never involved me in anything, they use to invite my DH for their gossip but tried their best to avoid me.. DH also enjoyed their co., but due to his busy schedule he couldn't be in their company during day time.. they use to go outing, plan short holidays and not once they had the courtesy to ask me if i will join them... my job was to cook for the entire family and behave like a good host.. I hated the way they treated me and this made be hostile towards them... I can never get friendly with them even today.

    Today after my MIL's demise.... my SIL's make casual calls to my FIL's mobile or DH's mobile before they would always use the land line and only my MIL would pick it up, but now they never call the land line lest they are bound to speak to me..

    Its been sixteen years since I entered this family ever since I tried my best to get cordial with both my SIL's as I Myself have 2 sisters and we are very close to each other... I initialy thot it willbe the same case with my SIL's to but don't know why they hated me... the reality is till today we have not exchanged any harsh words or shown bad faces to each other but some how we could not gel well.

    Our relationship today... my DH wishes them on their birthdays.. new year and other festivals and if he hands over his mobile to me then I wish them other wise won't make any attempt myself to wish them.
     
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  6. crazymom

    crazymom Gold IL'ite

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    I am sorry blessed, sending e-hugs to you.
     
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  7. harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    I think this is true with most of us, we go through hell and understand that opening our hearts, minds, purses and voices for them really only hurts us, so at first we try our best and then we step back, keep our hearts at a safer distance and just do our duties and formalities :)


     
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  8. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Blessed..A lot of hugs to you..
    Harini and RJMK..I really love the way you expressed yourselves..:bowdown
    You all are right.. I think it takes a lot of patience and the art of ignoring which is the most helpful..
    Please keep sharing so that its really helpful for all of us and will help us dealing with the ills aka ILs in a better manner..
     
  9. sridevipc

    sridevipc Silver IL'ite

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    hi dear ils
    My prob is little big need u r suggestion on that
    I lost my father b4 my marriage
    I have a elder brother who is doing phd
    My younger sis who was working(she joined company b4 me) got loan and got me married
    My father in laws demand for marriage is a car for 8 lakhs wich he palned to tak for his won but my sis din allow it she fighted with my inlaws to get it back to me so my inlaws don my sis
    And my mils was gold worth 480 grams
    Since my father was ex mla their expectation never stopped, my sis n mom was not ready for more than that and do i
    As in tamil after marriage like changing auspicious thread so on ,my mom has to giv gold
    She even did that , my mil has to do but she din , my fil gave me 80 gms gold chain wich after 3 months of marriage my bil took and pledged for his own purpose
    My dh younger bro got married b4 my dh , my dh is first son
    So I had a bad co-sis who din bring anything or have anything –started taking my own thing wich my mom gave me
    My sil is a vile again torches me say her mom gave somuch for her(indirectly my mom din giv me any) and my dh say they never gave much to her sis for marriage bcuz hers is luv marriage she jus lie that they gave much expecting me to bring the same.my sil will never giv respect saying that she is taking revenge for wat my sis did
    My dh b4 our marriage ,will not speak to his sis bcuz he din like the way she got married , it was me who made them speak to each other , now I am feeling y I did that
    My real prob is in my inlaws house nobady respects me but they force me not even use my dh brother name(I use to call them chinavar peryavar small one big one) this my mil force me to do

    But my co-sis and sil are younger to me but still they call me by my name wich my mil does bother tell me how shld I deal with it
    I have a 8 mnths old son my sil keep insisting me that I should stop bm to my son n should leave my son in mils house my house and mils house are 240 mts away (this she is saying bcuz she wan my son to grown with his cousine (her son and co-sis son) note she(sil) never lets her son to her mil)
    I work for a it company n gettince nice sal my dh also work here n have business in his native wich I don like but he wants to have the business too.my sil is telling me to leave the job n cum to native , she will get me job in college that I don like
    Wen ever I go to my dh native my mil pretend as though all work n co-sis will sit with her son n I will do all the works cooking for abt 15 ppl and other thing but my mil will keep scolding me if I complain to my dh mil will say that she can’t scold my co-sis alone so she scolded me to
    Because of this me n my dh have fights
    And my co-sis take my silver vessel that my mom gav me I told my dh is not allowing me to ask that
    N they never giv respect to my mom wen she cums their to pils house
    The only thing is that my dh is good ,he does everything for me except accepting wat his ppl does is wrng






    i never scold are speak any thng against my inlaws including sil and co-sis since i am scared to do so
    i jus want to giv them back wen they mock at me n my familly
    wen they scold i simply sit n cry
     
    Last edited: Dec 22, 2011
  10. sweetestshweta

    sweetestshweta Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all..
    After reading so many threads on this forum,I somehow have realised that ignoring is a better strategy than confrontation,persuasion,fighting etc.. Experience sharing in this forum by so many ladies proves this..
     

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