How Can I Overcome The Hatred Feeling

masha6125 · Oct 12, 2016

gok said: ↑

I am waiting for the divorce papers from my so called husband, after being used to the extreme extent. He don't want to pay child support but i want him to pay, atleast to make him feel bad a little for what he has done to me and his child. Without any conscience, he is asking me for divorce without child support and also asking me to share the attorney fees for divorce How can some one be so shameless? When i spent so much of money on a junk like him, i can bring up my baby myself but i want him to be punished. While i have all reasons to hate him and harm him, i just want to get out of that hatred feeling. I feel i am not myself anymore and he poisoned me so much. I am not like this before i married him. There are people who have hurt me and did real bad things to me but i used to get away from them and never thought of taking revenge or never felt that they should suffer for their mistake. But nowadays i am feeling that he should pay for all his sins, i have cursed him and his family several times as i could not bear the fact that he used me to get settled, abandoned his own baby, shamed and insulted me and my family by all means and happily enjoying life drinking, smoking and dating almost all local girls here.I want to get rid of this hatred feeling because I just want to be peaceful and be myself, for the sake of me and my kids. How can i overcome this hatred feeling and forgive those who have harmed and hurt me so much and broke my trust.
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masha6125 · Oct 12, 2016

gok said: ↑

I am waiting for the divorce papers from my so called husband, after being used to the extreme extent. He don't want to pay child support but i want him to pay, atleast to make him feel bad a little for what he has done to me and his child. Without any conscience, he is asking me for divorce without child support and also asking me to share the attorney fees for divorce How can some one be so shameless? When i spent so much of money on a junk like him, i can bring up my baby myself but i want him to be punished. While i have all reasons to hate him and harm him, i just want to get out of that hatred feeling. I feel i am not myself anymore and he poisoned me so much. I am not like this before i married him. There are people who have hurt me and did real bad things to me but i used to get away from them and never thought of taking revenge or never felt that they should suffer for their mistake. But nowadays i am feeling that he should pay for all his sins, i have cursed him and his family several times as i could not bear the fact that he used me to get settled, abandoned his own baby, shamed and insulted me and my family by all means and happily enjoying life drinking, smoking and dating almost all local girls here.I want to get rid of this hatred feeling because I just want to be peaceful and be myself, for the sake of me and my kids. How can i overcome this hatred feeling and forgive those who have harmed and hurt me so much and broke my trust.
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masha6125 · Oct 12, 2016

No worries sissy....he wl face his karma soon

kcb · Oct 12, 2016

Dear gok,

It is not so easy to forget or forgive in your current situation. But time cures everything. You will definitely forget all these things in next few years.

But first concentrate on yourself, forget about punishing / taking revenge on him. That will definitely happen and he has to pay for his mistakes.

As others suggested, you need professional help to come out these feelings.

Try to concentrate on your career and future. Try to make your life as much happy as you can. Your successful life and happy life will be a punishment for you ex.

Vijit · Oct 12, 2016

chocolate said: ↑

OP, Your husband is trying to escape the responsibility of being a dad. His responsibility is not only looting you to make some properties but to the child too. Being gracious and forgiving wont get you anywhere. I am sorry if I sound rude but you have to be realistic. He has to pay back everything he took from you. You can only do good to people who reciprocate not to thankless people. Yes, your hubby is thankless becoz he will take in any form without remorse or regret. As you mentioned even attorney fees and mutual divorce.

You need closure and listing all reasons for divorce like abuse and neglect will give it to you.List it with attorney's help and money which was taken from you too. That money , you can use gainfully for your daughters. Tomorrow your hubby will look for one more scapegoat and cycle will continue. You forgiving him will not get you anywhere.Get a good attorney and go from A to Z from abuse, neglect, money matters. He has to pay.Child support will be something which according to law he has to pay. He is escaping from doing it so he wont be in trouble in job changes and background checks. Besides he just doesn't want to pay.

I think you need to find an attorney and slap your hubby with domestic violence as reason for divorce.Tell me wont you like your money back which he invested in properties in India. If you don't take it , will he say oh thanks to my ex wife I have it. No. Then why not save it for ur daughters.

Education and expenses aren't getting cheaper and wont be . So why sacrifice. Take what is rightfully yours and your daughters. Good Luck.
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gok said: ↑

I am waiting for the divorce papers from my so called husband, after being used to the extreme extent. He don't want to pay child support but i want him to pay, atleast to make him feel bad a little for what he has done to me and his child. Without any conscience, he is asking me for divorce without child support and also asking me to share the attorney fees for divorce How can some one be so shameless? When i spent so much of money on a junk like him, i can bring up my baby myself but i want him to be punished. While i have all reasons to hate him and harm him, i just want to get out of that hatred feeling. I feel i am not myself anymore and he poisoned me so much. I am not like this before i married him. There are people who have hurt me and did real bad things to me but i used to get away from them and never thought of taking revenge or never felt that they should suffer for their mistake. But nowadays i am feeling that he should pay for all his sins, i have cursed him and his family several times as i could not bear the fact that he used me to get settled, abandoned his own baby, shamed and insulted me and my family by all means and happily enjoying life drinking, smoking and dating almost all local girls here.I want to get rid of this hatred feeling because I just want to be peaceful and be myself, for the sake of me and my kids. How can i overcome this hatred feeling and forgive those who have harmed and hurt me so much and broke my trust.
Click to expand...

gok said: ↑

I am waiting for the divorce papers from my so called husband, after being used to the extreme extent. He don't want to pay child support but i want him to pay, atleast to make him feel bad a little for what he has done to me and his child. Without any conscience, he is asking me for divorce without child support and also asking me to share the attorney fees for divorce How can some one be so shameless? When i spent so much of money on a junk like him, i can bring up my baby myself but i want him to be punished. While i have all reasons to hate him and harm him, i just want to get out of that hatred feeling. I feel i am not myself anymore and he poisoned me so much. I am not like this before i married him. There are people who have hurt me and did real bad things to me but i used to get away from them and never thought of taking revenge or never felt that they should suffer for their mistake. But nowadays i am feeling that he should pay for all his sins, i have cursed him and his family several times as i could not bear the fact that he used me to get settled, abandoned his own baby, shamed and insulted me and my family by all means and happily enjoying life drinking, smoking and dating almost all local girls here.I want to get rid of this hatred feeling because I just want to be peaceful and be myself, for the sake of me and my kids. How can i overcome this hatred feeling and forgive those who have harmed and hurt me so much and broke my trust.
Click to expand...

EnlightenedSoul · Oct 12, 2016

Dont worry my dear. Whoever puts you in this situation WILL SURE FACE KARMA SOON. KARMA WILL PUNISH THEM.
DONT WORRY. CONCENTRATE ON YOUR PEACEFUL LIFE & YOUR CHILD.

gok · Oct 12, 2016

Booked an appointment with the therapist next week ....
its kind of sickening.. i asked him to attend counselling for fixing marriage but now i am going for counselling to heal from the wounds of soon to be broken marriage...
Whether physical or emotional, those who are victims, always needs treatment right?... may be that's why i need counselling..
But for offenders, its only punishment and no treatment is required...
Punishment is optional but treatment is mandatory.... just a vent ...

LakshmiKMBhat · Oct 12, 2016

I suppose it is natural to have such feeling but the very fact that you have realised that they are not good for you and your child is a step taken in the right way. Whenever I get a negative feeling, I say my everyday shlokas , that has helped me. Take care and all the best. Regards.

madras2018 · Oct 12, 2016

gok said: ↑

Booked an appointment with the therapist next week ....
its kind of sickening.. i asked him to attend counselling for fixing marriage but now i am going for counselling to heal from the wounds of soon to be broken marriage...
Whether physical or emotional, those who are victims, always needs treatment right?... may be that's why i need counselling..
But for offenders, its only punishment and no treatment is required...
Punishment is optional but treatment is mandatory.... just a vent ...
Click to expand...

Congratulations on taking a positive step towards solving your problem. Please make sure your therapist does the following :

1. Takes notes with/without recorded conversation
2. Doesn't just give you a paid venting session - therapy that involves some sort of "work" during & after the session will be most helpful in your situation. That is active therapy such as letter writing, journaling, things to think about, home exercises such as speaking to others or making notes in preparation for your next discussion etc.
3. Each session must be goal oriented