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How A Mom Should React When A Grownup Kid Tells Little Kid I Don't Want To Play With You.

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Mehana, Apr 23, 2019.

  1. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello mom's,

    We were in the birthday party(only few people were invited). It's a small group. My 3 year old kid was playing with another one around same age. Other family joined the party, they had a kid 7 years old. We all started eating my kid called me from other room(kids were playing there) when I went inside I was shocked. The older one(7 years old) let my kid stay outside the room and shut the room door with other kids. I asked my kid to knock the door and ask them , when he knocked the elder one was keep laughing. Then I knocked the door and askedaske can my little one join as well. The elder spoiled other 2 kids(around 3 years) telling NO. My little was so upset and I told my kid it's ok you can play by yourself. But my little one was so sad and wanted leave the birthday party. Then I finished my food and left the party.

    Only one mom came by and talked to her kid but other family who had that elder one didn't care they were telling that's what the kids do and enjoying their food. Since it's a birthday party I don't want to make a big picture and left with smile face.

    But I couldn't sleep well as I felt I failed to talk to other kids in good way so that they should underdtand this is not good behavior. Please post your inputs so next time I can handle in better way.
     
    anika987 likes this.
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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Let me tell you one thing which works:)

    To my kid..I only tell the truth.
    My kiddo didn’t make friends when she was 4 and every day came to me crying
    “ no one is talking to me”..

    I tell her and I don’t flinch or get emotional..I have an assertive and calm face and tell “No problem.If someone do not want to talk to you.its ok.its their choice.You should try talking and if that dosent work..you are fine on your own and play by yourself.Talk to people who are nice and rest no problem”

    First two times..the child didn’t listen.I feel big mistake is when a parent becomes emotional in front of their kid.No matter how much it hurts inside..
    Be calm and act like it’s no deal.

    Now when I ask my kid if anyone plays with you..she will be like” some do and some
    Don’t”..

    And I ask” do you care?”

    She replies “ no!i talk to people who can be nice and am
    Nice to them and those who ignore me I don’t really care”

    If We start making everything a big deal..kids become sensitive I feel.
    All these are learning process to make them stronger.Let them deal and let’s Be their strength.

    Good luck:)

    The above Coming from an ex bullied victim and how I wanted to handle things exactly.

    Emotional strength is everything
     
    KashmirFlower and Mehana like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

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    Watching one's kid getting left out is almost as painful as watching her getting bullied. The difference is narrow. Good thing is that it hurts the parent more than it does the child. Children get over such things faster, especially if they don't have to meet those kids everyday.

    At 3 years, child is still too young to advocate for herself, and that too with a 7 year old. If this happened one time, I'd do what you did, and would thus prepare for the next time: If just I am there with child, I will go join the kids in the other room with my plate of food or small plate of snacks. If husband is also there, he will be trained ahead of time that we have to take turns to be with our child when such 7 yr old with careless parents is around.

    If other guests or host ask what is happening, I'd keep the reply neutral: "My little one is feeling left out, I will hang out there till things get better." If they don't get the hint and mock or say that I should let the kids be, I'll put on my politest smile and say, "When my child cannot speak for herself, my place is near her." And DH will be trained to react similarly if I am not around.

    Be very careful not to blame the other kid. No parent likes to be told their precious kid is misbehaving in any way. At least not in a party. I've seen highly educated, well-read, well-traveled parents who are so into researching parenting take it easy when their kid misbehaves. A 7 or 8 year old was yanking hard at the vertical blinds control strings, and gathering the blinds themselves in his arms. The parents and we were sitting 2 feet away. I kid not. Both parents saw but didn't bother to stop him and continued talking with us. I recall that vividly. She also went on to say that there was less salt in the choley I had made. : ) :lol: Finally, my older child took the kids away from there. Later DH tells me my face was a kaleidoscope of unsaid feelings as the blinds-mauling continued. : )
     
  4. Mehana

    Mehana Platinum IL'ite

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    Yup that 7 year old parents were enjoying food and that mom was telling cake is so good and want another slice. Yes I always wanted to educate myself so that next time same situation comes with any other kid I will be prepared . Nowadays some parents enjoying their kid's (even they are 2 or 3 or 7 years) behavior when they try to put down other kids or even kept quiet when their kid try to yell/kick... I heard them saying my kid knows everything really???????
     
    anika987 likes this.
  5. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    This is hurtful but not wrong. The kids play with their interest and like to involve only those who can play well with them. They don't have the patience to teach other kids. It happen with everyone. If I am doing some important work and my kids come and start distracting me or ruining the things then I will tell him to get out. Even if he is not doing any such thing I could need alone time to complete that task.

    I live in joint family so I face this daily. Elder one many times don't want to involve younger one and sometimes their elder cousins don't let them come into the game and send them out of the room and shut the door. I just go and tell the kids that play with him, they are also your brothers and you have to teach them.

    You can talk to kids in friendly manner and ask them to make smaller ones learn to play their games. I know its not easy with strangers as you don't have that much right to them. Still if your words can attract their interest then they may try to play with younger ones too.
     
    anika987 likes this.

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