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Host/guest Dos & Don'ts Or Entertaining Etiquette

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by Amica, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Parties or get-togethers are often our main means of socializing these days. What are some dos and don'ts when we're the guests/hosts? Got any pet peeves? Got tips on doing things right?

    What are your preferences? Should guests take their footwear off? Is it okay for guests to take pics during the party and share them on Facebook? Should guests expect a tour of the whole house?

    Stories about great or not-so-great guests/hosts, stories about the best/worst parties you've hosted or attended, and all stories in between are very welcome. :beer-toast1:
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  2. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    We were at a dinner party last weekend. The host had a BIG sign asking people to take their shoes off. One guest decided the request did not apply to her family. :facepalm:

    She scratched up the recently refinished hardwood floor with her stilettos. Her kids trekked in wet mud and left stains all over the host's otherwise pristine rugs. Her DH removed his shoes but didn't say a word to his wife and kids.

    The host was upset and asked the woman to shed her stilettos — the guest refused because she didn't want her sari to drag on the floor.

    I stayed out of it, but made a note to mention shoe-removal on future invites so guests are prepared. :hmmm:
    .
     
  3. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    :thumbup:Nice topic.

    There is one chapter for hospitality in Tirukural. Of the 10 couplets On hospitality the one I like the most is

    மோப்பக் குழையும் அனிச்சம் முகந்திரிந்து
    நோக்கக் குநழ்யும் விருந்து.

    As the Anicham flower fades in smelling, so fades the guest when the face is turned away.

    But How far it applies to guests or their attitude these days - no comments

    I will watch other replies here ;);)
     
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  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Our parties/get to-gethers usually consist of other Indians and there has never been a need to explicitly state that footwear need to come off!! Actually, it has never even been a question in my mind from all these years of hosting/visiting to ask people to remove footwear or wear footwear in other people's homes.

    Pics, I don't mind as long as they are not risque. But our parties are usually just other families with a bunch of kids... so there can't be anything risque from these parties I host/attend!

    My only peeve was during Navarathri where I had give a very wide range of time for guests to come, so there was pockets when we had a lot of crowd and times when there was no one. One such time when the crowd was huge, my daughters' toy room that I had painstakingly organized just the previous night by putting all the toys away and clothes folded and put away in their closets and all the gift bags (with the return goodies) neatly organized, after a bunch of kids left, seemed like a hurricane had passed through! The room had literally been turned upside down... strewn with toys and all the items from the gift bags! But my own kids were active participants of that hurricane... that's about it! Otherwise, the guests I usually have over are either close enough to us that they can treat our home like theirs or I would like them to feel that way in our home. So I just generally like having people over. All the post party clean up etc., becomes insignificant compared to the fun we have when the guests are actually there!
     
  5. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    For Navratri I have had my next door neighbor and colleagues (non-Indian)come. They were decent enough to leave the footwear outside without us telling them. I generally don't prefer touring others house and so don't volunteer to offer the same. Sometimes I feel parents should be little watchful when kids are handling breakable stuff. Once a water full of glass shattered into pieces. With others walking around I was worried of others getting hurt.

    And ya once when we went to a potluck for Ganesh Pooja the host invited his American colleague to dinner table while I was standing next he conveniently forgot to mention a word. Though it was potluck I didn't eat and the host didn't know either. That was the last time I went to their house.

    Mathiyaathaar Thalai vaasal mithippathillai. Never step in to a place where there is no respect:)
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2017
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  6. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    Aaah, see. Our bunch is a pretty shameless bunch :) When one fills up a plate, we just take it as a cue for the rest of us to start too!
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hosts arriving early ... yes, you read the right. Hosts arriving late is what we happily call IST, and am prepared for that. But some guests ask if they can come earlier than the mentioned time. Either because there is a game/match on and they want to watch it on TV, or because they will be done with prior engagement earlier than the dinner invite time and they don't know of places like Starbucks where they can kill time before coming to my house.

    What took the cake (figuratively) once was a guest who asked if he can come early to watch a cricket match, and I said no and gave some reason... he showed up 2 hrs early anyway, and planted himself in the family room while I was getting things ready. And DH (we were a bit younger then), decided he has to start playing host 2 hours earlier, and just went and sat with that guy to "give company". Of course, I managed to tell him that no he should help me in kitchen and clean the house and all, not sit with the early arrival.

    I was pissed off enough that didn't offer any water, tea, coffee to the TV watching guest until it was party time. Grrrrr..........

    ETA: one more is guests who come VERY late as they have said yes to two dinners. Or went to a birthday party and got "late" there and so arrive at 9 PM for a 7 PM invite. Well, if they joined the party at whatever point we are, no problem. No.... DH goes to the wine cellar area, and starts 'what will you have...' and once again the drinks rounds start! While I am wondering whether to reheat the big dishes or leave as is, while those who are already having main course, stop it and wonder if they should take an interval for drinks. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

    And thing with our great Indian style of parties is that if hostess says anything about the above, she is called fussy, inhospitable etc etc.
     
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2017
  8. PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

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    Though it might not sound practical in this Age,my favorite is this
    அறத்துப்பால்- இல்லறவியல் - அதிகாரம்: விருந்தோம்பல் குறள்: 86

    செல்விருந்து ஓம்பி வருவிருந்து பார்த்திருப்பான்
    நல்விருந்து வானத் தவர்க்கு.


    The guest arrived he tends, the coming guest expects to see;
    To those in heavenly homes that dwell a welcome guest is he. (Thirukkural No 86 Virtue, Domestic Virtue, Hosting) :)
     
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  9. rajeswarisatulu

    rajeswarisatulu Senior IL'ite

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    Omg! Can't stop laughing!!!:roflmao:
     
  10. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    I remember when it was assumed that people would take their footwear off on entering the house. But lately, I've been seeing these signs by the front door and I see guests not taking their shoes off, too. And yep, I'm talking about Indians.

    Oooh ... pics! We had a local drama last year when one lady was not invited to her friend's party and found out about it on Facebook. :facepalm:

    I'm not the world's best housekeeper so I'm not too fussed about minor messes. But I expect people to behave like they'd want guests to behave at their homes. We saw one guest simply walk away from the mess her kids had made without an apology or even acknowledgement. :shakehead:

    Most guests leave me feeling warm and fuzzy. But then, there are the others ...
     
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