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Holiday Stress

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Angela123, Dec 23, 2019.

  1. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Warning: After writing, I feel this is more like a vent.

    Yearly, I host Thanksgiving or Christmas. we do not have any family here (in the US), but we have friends like family who visit us and stay for a few days. I love hosting them for 3-4 days in my house. I meticulously plan what to cook for them, how to entertain them. Cooking will be mostly me, while DH and others help in grocery shopping+prep+clean up. usually, DH do not have a say or doesn't like interfere in what i cook or plan to cook. Everyone likes to stay home, and relax. And we mostly cook and eat at home.

    This has been going on for the last 3 years. This year I planned the Christmas menu and discussed with DH and he asked me to cut down a lot of cooking and suggested a lot of other stuff which otherwise I would consider as ordinary cooking. I plan cooking specialty stuff when people visit and i enjoy very much doing it. This time his meddling surely hurt my ego. We had a heated discussion on what to include in the menu and what not, also some face offs, while doing grocery shopping. But we made up and included both of our interests. However, overall his opinion was I work a lot with cooking and people are not appreciating. I probed why and he said "see, when we visited them they made only so and so, we do not need to make all this grand feast etc." It sort of killed my enthusiasm and I am that kind of person who doesn't like to be compared. I could care less how everyone else did on the same test if I got what I wanted. So I really never paid attention if they appreciated all of my cooking. I feel like my Christmas spirit is gone.
     
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  2. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I love your spirit and thought process! It’s about doing what you think is right and makes you happy ! Quid pro quo is not what I conform to either. Give husband some egg nog and ask him to chill.
    Put on some good Christmas music and start cooking !! Merry Christmas !!
     
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  3. startinganew

    startinganew Gold IL'ite

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    I think you do have an absolutely self-less holiday spirit!

    To be able to host folks at your home and to have done it already consecutively three (!) years and still want to do it again and do it with full enthusiasm - is truly a FEAT. Hats off to you, dear!

    You have not been affected or even noticed any apparent lack of appreciation (as noticed by H). And you have not ever compared the "grandness" of the choice of menu items! That's the way it should be - you are doing so well!


    The attention you didn't pay is - is what it's all about! Kudos to you. :clap2::cheer:

    Try to think of H's observations simply as: "Dear, I want you to get a little more rest amidst all the hard-work that goes in to what both of you are accomplishing together" Try not to let it affect your spirits. All the very best!
     
  4. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Maybe your DH realised that since it’s holiday season he wants you to take some rest instead of cooking elaborate meals. Not every husband’s realise this.

    Even my DH asks me not to slog too much in the kitchen when guests come over.
    Sometimes they cannot see their dearest wife working so hard every time :blush:

    Don’t get too much stressed on this issue and cook whatever you like and enjoy the holidays!
     
  5. Shreema86

    Shreema86 Platinum IL'ite

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    I think equating the complexity of cooking to the level of caring is the issue here. Cooking is not my thing at all, when relatives visit me I get by doing the bare minimum ( I can make on main course, one starter , not a dozen ,like most relatives do). Doesn't mean I dont care for them or dont appreciate the effort they put in when I visit. You obviously enjoy cooking and dont see that as a chore, dont let this thinking spoil your mood or your equation with your friends.
     
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  6. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you for your kind words. I probably learnt it from my mom on how to cook and feed your folks when they visit you. I listened to his words and I did include a lot of his interests in the menu. Hopefully it will all be fine!
     
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  7. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    Thats true. My husband is doesn't like to cook. So cooking anything other than scrambled eggs make him very nervous. We talked about this and came to a conclusion acceptable to both of us even though I am not 100% happy about it.
     
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  8. Angela123

    Angela123 Gold IL'ite

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    This is exactly what I am going to do!
     
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  9. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Happy Christmas and holiday season.
    If DH enjoys your doing less kitchen work I think you must respect that. He probably feels you slog for nothing!
    Anyways wish you whatever you wished for yourself.
    Thanks and Regards.
    Lord bless your family & you in abundance.
     
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  10. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    Give him some eggnog. Too much logic is running around in his head. :icon_pc::icon_pc:

    merry Christmas
     
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