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hi .. m feeling very frustrated n down .. please suggest

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Varshap21, Jan 10, 2012.

  1. Varshap21

    Varshap21 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all .. first of all wish you all a very Happy new Year ..

    I have just joined this forum .. I am married for last 3 years .. within this 3 years of married life I had lots of good and bad experiences .. But one issue I am facing continuously is my husband's attitude .. He is very caring and fun loving person .. but the problem is that he always devotes his time to his friends .sometime I feel that I am not the priority for him ..
    When it comes to enjoy with friends .. he can spend time till midnight with them .. and when he is at home he only want to sleep or watch TV ...
    we rarely go out on sundays ..
    I always think he will change and will care more about me .. but everytime its my bad luck .. only friends is his life not me.. what should I do so that he will understand all this .. I just dont like when he goes out till late night with his friends .. please give me some suggestions to get out of this .. :(
     
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  2. vramohan

    vramohan New IL'ite

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    By the way, are u Working, if not, do have any plans of Job / having kids. Rest all will follow. Plz don't get into any discusions about that, which only leads to further complications out of nothing. hope u understand.
     
  3. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    Why don't you make a few freinds yourself dear? Am sure, once you will have your own friends circle, you will not mind your DH's attitude. Keep yourself occupied with your hobbies.

    Try to talk to him and tell him that there has to be a line drawn always between family and friends. Freinds can be comforting and joyful, but family is priority.
     
  4. Varshap21

    Varshap21 Bronze IL'ite

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    hi vramohan ... thanks 4 ur reply .. yes m working n doing good in my career .. I had planned 4 baby but I had gone through abortion twice ..and I think dat all is due to this stress .. my mind blames his attitude only for this but I dont want to hurt him ...dats d reason m afraid to hav any discussion about it .. And I keep on thinking why dont he understands this .. If i will become stressful den only I may hav a healthy baby .. all things are related to each other ..
     
  5. Varshap21

    Varshap21 Bronze IL'ite

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    hi rkgurbani , thanks for the reply dear ... I am a working woman .. I have job, some friends are there available on phone to chat .. I have hobby of reading ... but spending time with your loved ones .. your family is also important for a healthy relation .. How long can anyone involve himself in his/her own world where he/she feels alone?
     
  6. sindura16

    sindura16 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Varsha...

    let me give you another angle for your problem...i have seen husbands, who have no friends , no social life will sit at home and nag their wife's how to be perfect this n that...you should be happy that your husband have so many friends...

    try to involve your husband friends family also...arrange get together...you don't have to cook...tell everyone prepare their own specialties... i know you are working but...if you need change you need to work and give some time for all these get together...

    if you stop thinking this is all stress for you...you will be fine and please enjoy life in your terms...you said you like to read , get some nice books and read...once kids are born , you won't get time for your hobbies...so relax and enjoy doing them now...

    and please don't make your Husband a center point to your life, there is much more than that...try to explore things....
     
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  7. Varshap21

    Varshap21 Bronze IL'ite

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    I am trying to involve myself sindura ... but at the end of the day .. or on weekend shouldnt I expect that he should give me atleast 2 hours ... friends are there but a healthy and friendly husband-wife relation should be there? dont you think so ? I am not able to tolerate with his habits of hanging out late night till 1 or 2PM with friends... and this happens after every 15 20 days .. that is my concern
     
  8. sindura16

    sindura16 Bronze IL'ite

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    Ok...then why don't you plan family outings to some nice places to visit on weekends....as you are staying in mumbai...you have must have some nice picnic places to visit...

    but once you start ignoring ur husband and start enjoying your life , he will surely will see the new you with a happy face and having fun without him , then he will try to come back to you..it worked for many people...so try being happy when he come back from his late night stuff....if he ask you tell him you have wonderful time with so and so...don't ask him anything about his...

    again...enjoy your life...i don't see you as nagging person at all....continue being as you are but add some spice to your life not his life...
     
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  9. Varshap21

    Varshap21 Bronze IL'ite

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    ok :) sindura ... I will give it a try positively .. lets see what happens
     
  10. psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    If you cant beat them you join them! Go with hubby to visit his friends. Thats what I did. I did end up making very good friends with some of his friends!
     

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