hi Ils, My life has always been surrounded by the main problems -the mom son duo.At times i feel now every thing is falling in place but my husband proves it wrong every time.. I have my mil with me who is a single overpossessive and clingy and v dominating mom.And my dh is a harish chandra..its been amost a decade now since we got married but the main problem is the same... well right now...main thing is that they dont want my family to come to my place...whenever they have to come to us ,they kind of create some scene or the other...Now my bro had a baby after 10 years of marriage...and they live in a different country altogether.So they are going to visit me for a 4-5 days.Firstly they had a problem that they will stay with us.Now my bro decided to kp it short n sweet ,he will stay with a close relative who stays close to my place and will come every day to me and go back at night... Well i wanted to gift the baby something in gold since i will see her for the first time and its a custom so i just discussed with im that i want to gift her that.(i already thought that if he opposes i will buy on my own and not tell him),but at least he should realise that it is done both ways... My husband v conveniently said that he is ur brother and girls dont give buut take from brothers...i said when i had a baby they did gift me...to which he said i dont remember...i told him v clearly that you can come to the locker and see what he gave...Besides last year i had a major surgery and my brother also shared few lakhs ....he has always been a great support.But my dh never acknowledges this...rather he always criticises him or mt parents for every lil thing.. so he was again n again saying that i dont remember what he did for you so i reminded him that he also supported you financially.MY Dh got really wild at that...saying that he has not done any 'ehsaan' for that.i felt really bad that he always takes my family for granted.Never acknowledges what all help they have dome for us.Infact his mom is not even in talking terms from any side of her own family too so she expects the same from me which i dont.. i told him to leave the topic and not to get so negative ..if he doesnt want to buy gold...its ok...but he is just streching the matter and has stopped talking to me... im not bothered about that but worried if he misbehaves infront of my bro n sil.. what to do?? help plz
Next time do not ask your brothers to help you in any way. yes , if he has given u lakhs then u should give his kid a gold chain. Please stop bothering about insensitive people like your husband in life. If possible go to your brothers house instead of him coming to your house
thanks dear for your reply... actually he lives in a different country so going there is not easy and a v expensive affair.So he instead is coming here to meet me and my parents who live in another different city.
You can gift the baby from what you already have with you instead of buying something new. May be some sentimental locket or something you got from your mom. So your husband can't interfere. If you are working, don't wait for his permission. Buy something and inform him. In the days preceding your brother's visit try not to blow his trumpet. Your husband is obviously very egotistical and thankless. So try to underplay what he has done for you. Instead try to make some itinerary on what you can do when he visits. Also, if you are close with your brother inform his of your husband's over inflated ego. For your and your brother's sake I hope this visit goes well.
Op, he is creating trouble before your brother comes to put you on the back foot. He probably thinks he will have the upper hand as you will do anything to avoid trouble in front of brother. Tell him firmly and clearly that if he or his family create any problems during your brothers visit,you will not take things lightly. As for the gold ,just give . If he says,brothers are supposed to give,tell him that rule was from a time when women did not work for a living . He can't be modern enough to have a working wife but traditional for everything else. As for your brothers visit,make plans. Call him home for one day , go and spend time with him and his family at the relatives place another day. You can plan a picnic or and outing with brother and family on one or two days. Make it a your family thing. Take your son ,ask husband if he wants to come and exclude his mother. Keep that trouble far away from this happy occasion. Don't ever ask your brother to help your husband financially. If at all ,he wants to help out,put it in your personal savings .No need to share it with your ingrate husband and his family.
Are you working? If you are then just buy the baby gift of your choice and your husband does not need to be involved. If you depend on him financially then give some gold from what you already have. If your husband creates unpleasantness during your brother's visit just go and stay with them instead. Its just a short visit and you should not be walking on pins and needles.
Are you financially independent, OP? If not, please please try for a job, and be independent as early as possible. It is not a joke to live with such jerks, that too as their dependent. You must be prepared!!! As for your present problem, i.e your brother's visit... Please inform your brother not to visit your house. Instead, go to your parents' house (of course take your kids with you) and stay there to spend some quality times with your brother. If you have enough savings, then make a gold gift to your niece, and gift it. If your bro happens to be at your city (I guess he might visit the other close relative anyway), then take him to your place very briefly. If your bro gifts anything, even if that is a chocolate bar, do not share that with your H or in laws. Keep it as a personal matter between you and your kiddos. So, the same should apply for other gifts, however expensive it may be. It is pointless to share these comforts with H, because he is anyway goona say he gets nothing from your folks.
