Help Needed To Save Marriage Life

Discussion in 'Indians in Dubai' started by revathiv, Apr 26, 2017.

  1. revathiv

    revathiv Junior IL'ite

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    Hi frnds,

    I want to discuss abt my friend. Her marriage life is currently in vain due to her in laws. Her husband is completely supporting his parents and not showing any interest towards her . he ignores her completely. But she wants to lead peaceful life with him due to her kid.When she went to marriage counseling they said gud marriage life starts from bedroom and to have proper sex with him , then only she can save her marriage life. But he is not interested in sex.. I suggested her to give sex arousal tablets without his knowledge. But she is not convinced and reluctant . plz suggest what she can do in this scenario.He is not ready to talk with her and ready to give divorce anytime..

    Thankx,
    Rev
     
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  2. JayaGomathi

    JayaGomathi New IL'ite

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    Revathi,

    Good relationship is understanding. Sex only is not part of life. Just speak with your friend & understand where their in-laws created problem , how she had given room for them. Without complaining them she should handle him. Its tough..but need to understand the exact rootcause & deal with it.
     
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  3. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    We should know the complete picture of the problem to give right solution. We should never weigh any issue seeing one side of the problem. Sex is only part of life,ofcourse it has its own importance. My suggestion would be to sit and talk through common person whom both can trust,understand the problem..be open to accept her faults, if any.

    IMO there can not be fire without a spark.I am not trying to say that your friend is wrong..but always misunderstanding and egos play a major role in spoiling marriage life.

    You have already said that he is not ready to talk but i don't think except that there can be better solution.In this case i think you can convince him to talk because a child's future is involved in this.
     
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  4. JayaGomathi

    JayaGomathi New IL'ite

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    yes of course , as Baghya said only solution is to talk with him directly. If you convince him to talk then half of the problem will be resolved. Most of the problems are growing big only because of silence & not speaking in right time.
     
  5. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    First of all, a good marriage does not begin in the bedroom (well sorta). A good marriage is rooted in trust and understanding, which could start in the bedroom, or the living room, or the coffee house. :p Good sex, doesn't fix it all, and may actually increase resentment, when a person expects good results and understanding after... What good sex does, is improve temperament, so it could help begin the path to understanding.

    From what I understand, they already have a child? so have they been married a while? I need a little more of the story to understand the situation. But, the arousal tablets without his consent...VERY bad idea. That's a good way to break trust, especially when he doesn't seem to be ready to talk.
     
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  6. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    Intimacy is important in a marriage but it actually doesn't solve deep rooted problems. I know a friend who engaged intimacy with her hubby in a troubled marriage but they still ended up in a divorce.

    U said she went to marriage counselling, but it can make good progress only if both goes.

    We can't force another individual to live with a person they hate / dislike. I understand d sentiment of living together bcoz of the kid. But if d two ppl r not living but jus stuck together n fighting n with loadsa negativity. The child is better of living with a single or shared custody. Living in a toxic house does more harm. Also the couple gets a chance at happiness n may find suitable partners. N wen d child sees dem really happy, it grows up with more confidence n also learn to stand up for him/ her self if they r in a bad situation too, god forbid.

    It feels wrong to try to drug a partner who's not even ready to talk n is ready to divorce. Wud we b ok if our partner (who we hate) drug us n have intercourse with us? R things gona magically change after one nite? Or r u gona keep drugging till he bcoms ok? Smthng wrong has happend from d gals side too, am guessing here, bcoz he's completely avoiding her even after a child, wat if this makes d situation worse?

    Wer they happily married before? Or has problem been existing from day 1? Y does a guy turn away all of a sudden? Wat went wrong?
    It's a bit hard to give clear advise without knowing d whole issue.
     
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  7. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Sex is only a part of marriage not everything. If the husband does not care and respect the wife..,the marriage is not worth saving.
     
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  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    That is almost like rape.Not advisable .
     
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  9. chandu999

    chandu999 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    This is a simple problem. But the solution is in your hands.

    Please share little more information related to
    1. How was your early marriage days
    2. Wats your husbands habits
    3. What is his interest towards women
    4. What is your interest towards dressing
     

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