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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by abcd5, Feb 14, 2012.

  1. abcd5

    abcd5 Senior IL'ite

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    Hello friends
    I am a stay at home mom. My husband got a travel job with good salary and he is going to travel Monday to Thursday. He will return home on Thursday late night and will go back on Monday early morning. How many of you let your spouse travel every week? Last time when he traveled I checked the flight status 1000 times. He says flight journey is more safer than driving. After his decision I feel sad, confused and I couldn't concentrate. am I controlling him? I know if he search a regular job he can find but at this point he is not ready to do that. Other than that we don't have any issues in our marriage life. am I thinking too much? If you are in my situation what you will do? Thanks in advance.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2012
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  2. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    You are OK, happy valentines day..
    Dont try to exploit small things to be big.. try to plan something on your own (like learning something new, getting certification, planning on your kid's daily tuition etc.. )
    A small seperation gives more opportunity to love the other more.. enjoy the sweet moments of his waiting for you to meet on every thursday evening, your excitement of his arrival each Thursday etc.. try to book every three days of your weekend as your fully private world.. enjoy the life...
    This commuting may not be permanent.. as you know
    (not sure what exactly the HELP that you are looking for though)
     
  3. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Hmm...
    abcd, isnt danger involved in every thing? A shock if you use electrical appliances while cooking, cutting your hand while using knife, being hit when you cross the road, at no fault of yours meeting with accidents. So basically restricting him saying danger in flight travel, is overthinking a lot.
    OTOH, look at the positive side of things. You will have a 3-day weekend, every week, and your H to yourself for 3 whole days every week, which is good.
    Also, crazy traveling does take its toll. So eventually people do give up crazy traveling to settle down. So give him a year, and he would get tired of all this traveling himself, and settle down. Good luck!
     
  4. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    @abcd5
    i can understand wat u r goin through..!i cant talk abt commutation but it wud leave u in despair waiting for him n waiting for his calls..u bettr make him understand that u cant take it anymore..either ask him to switch on new job or switch on to the place hez commuting..these r the only ways u both can stay togathr..!
    Good
     
  5. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Hi Abcd

    No you are not controlling him and your thinking is normal.

    Spouses travelling monday to thursday and sometimes even friday is very common in consulting industry. You yourself said he has a good salary. I am sure since he is travelling and doing consulting, its a good salary. Its part of his job. Ultimately he is doing this for the family.

    I understand you might be feeling alone and when he is back thursday night, he is tired and friday he maybe working from home. so you get 2 days in a week. So try to make the best use of it. Spend as much time as possible with him and kids etc.

    I know husband and wives who travel. Both of them travel. I know 2 family friends who are couples who got married and they hardly spent one month with each other in 2 years of marriage because both had travelling jobs. Lucky for them both are working at common location now.

    You can ask husband to take up a local job so that he can be with you all week. At the same time, you can try to occupy yourself with kids, going to library, doing some volunteering work etc. when he is travelling.
     
  6. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello abcd5,

    A friend of mine was in the same situation and had the same worries just a few months back.
    I guess your panic now is cos you are going to have to manage home and life by yourself while he is away. Not being able to see him every day of the week can sound impossible now. These thoughts are perfectly normal. It can be daunting to live with a child on your own, but believe me, give it time and it'll be better. You are probably just a little tensed to start with the new way of life. Try how it goes for a short while. Keep in touch with friends and relatives during the 4 days he is away and like someone already pointed out, keep yourself busy. It will be difficult in the beginning, but it'll get easier as you get used to the routine.

    Besides, you worrying as much could tense him too. He himself might not be exactly thrilled to leave you alone. But the less you worry and resist it, the easier it would be to get used to the idea and settle down more peacefully.

    If after a few months this isn't working, you could talk to him about it and look for an alternative. Either he finds a job locally or you move in with him. But give it time and see how it goes before you make any decision. Be open to try and accept the situation first and see how it goes.

    A tip, keep your child engaged. I am not scaring you, but kids miss the people around them a lot than us adults. They just don't know how to express it. The more time you spend with your child, you yourself will not find it hard to spend the 4 days on your own.
    All the best :)
     
  7. abcd5

    abcd5 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Sreesri, SSC, lucy2 Indianinbayarea and tanoshii
    Yes, I will try to occupy myself .I started to learn a new technology and I am planning 2 search 4 a job after few months. I hope one day he will give up his travel and sett down. He took this job few months back and we moved with him. He does not know how long he is going 2 stay in a one place so we can only take short term lease. Short term leases are very expensive and they charge a lot when we move out (cleaning cost etc ....... ) Moving cost is also very high so we ended up with 6 bags and a car. It is very difficult 2 live a life without things( furniture, TV etc...)Every time we have to spend from our pocket so this time I am going 2 sett in a one place. Once again thanks a lot 4 <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> valuable suggestion.
     
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  8. abcd5

    abcd5 Senior IL'ite

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    duplicate post.. ​
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2012
  9. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    You are welcome abcd5. Dont worry

    Indus ladies forum members are always ready to help with their valuable suggestions. Most of the members are women but few like me are men who understand women :)
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    with market having its ups and downs..and if only one member is earning....pls lets give them that freedom to choose what suits them as finally they have to be comfortable and less exhausted....

    When you start taking up a job, may be you can ask him to look for a job locally that way you both can chip in for each others earnings...

    If you are planning to move to a less expensive place or low cost of living places...better look for a job in that area and plan to be there....and eventually your husband can look for a job localyy..

    for now dont make this as a big issue...as he needs some peace atleast from home front....and travelling job is going to be interesting during initial days/months...but over time...it becomes exhaustive....so let him also enjoy these initial trips....eventually he too would want to take up a local job.
     

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