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Help me to solve my problems plzz

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by MahiSree, Mar 5, 2012.

  1. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Hi

    I am married for 3.6 years and have a 2.5 yr old son.
    My dh is a good person at heart. He loves me & our kid a lot.(he doesn't know how to express that). I too love him a lot.
    But one bad quality in him is he scolds me badly when he gets angry.
    He pulls my parents and would say that their brought-up(me) is not good.
    And says that's y i am not able to behave properly.

    I'm very sensitive. Many set backs for me in my personal & official life because of this.
    If anyone calls me loud in a anger tone, tears will roll down.
    Also i always wanted to balance good terms between his relatives and my relatives.
    Problem rises here only and he'll end up in saying that i don't know how to behave with relatives(both the sides) and that's why i am getting nose-cuts from them often. (yes it happened many times :()
    I dunno how to make him & others realize that i am good at heart and doesn't want to hurt anyone even in dreams.
    He says i am pretending to be good.Not at all.

    Also when he calls from office, he doesnt bother how the situation is for me either @office or @home. He wants me to pick the call and answer. If i say i'll call u later, he'll keep on asking "tell me ..what happened" and not allow me to end the call.
    If i forcibly do it, that's all. the whole week i'll have to hear his scoldings for each and every conversation.

    Friends...Can you please help me
    1. to make him realize that i love him a lot and am deeply getting hurted if he scolds me for silly things?
    2. Also, How can i build myself stronger mentally?

    (Long back i posted one query for my problems with my in-laws. Now i'm fine with them though some frictions raise now and then.)

    Thanks in advance dears.
     
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2012
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  2. Padmash

    Padmash Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Mahi,

    I think this situation is faced by many women whether working or housewife. These egoistic really dont understand even how they behave and what they are supposed to do. Only one thing i can tell u. dont run behind anything be yourself, look for your happiness. As u need him he too needs u. In office while meeting or calls u cant attend his call u carry on your work and when u are back try to make him understand with little butterpolishing. If he is matured understanding man he will understand. Otherwise let it go dont take much tension stress it will effect your health and married life. Dont think much. Take care of your son and your health. Let him understand himself. AS much as u will expect something from him that much he will ignore and u will get hurt. Dont give attention to such things.

    take care,
    Padma
     
  3. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks Padma for ur kind advices.
    I am also trying to ignore his comments. but sometimes i am not able to tolerate the words someone throws one me.
    U know i was so bubbly till my college days.
    After that due to my expectations i lost my friend and so many losses.
    Though i'm intelligent and do things pretty well than others both at home and office, people are dominating me easily.
    Even juniors take over me and i know that they're making use of me. but still i cant stop helping them.
    my friends scolds me for this saying that i'm loosing all my opportunities 'coz of ths nature.
    I understand that .but when someone asks for help, i couldn't avoid doing that.

    How to mentally prepare myself to be brave and strong?
     
  4. aaral

    aaral Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Mahi,
    I think you are too good and sweet for your own good. Because of your soft nature colleagues and your spouse are taking advantage of you. With your colleagues learn to say no and assert your authority. As for your husband throw the biggest tantrum next time he shouts at you unfairly, he is bullying you.In tamil we have a saying " If a Saint gets angry the forest cannot withstand it." All the best and God Bless.
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Mahi ,

    First of all many hugs to you...Am sailing in same boat like that of yours. infact after reading ur post I felt you have taken away my words and feelings that I feel inside.
    My DH is good person but when he gets angry similar to your situation , my DH too criticize me for silly things infact to things where my fault is not even there.
    And we belong to this generation not to our grandmother's time that we would remain quiet always....so if I know am not wrong I answer him back and when he gets angry he tells me 'that this how you are brought up?' but he fails to understand that even his screaming is reflecting how he is brought up...
    I too use to be very bubbly types pre-marriage and still am the same in office but not the way I was earlier....I understand and agree the stress affect work and personal life both....I have experienced but than now gradually I have started to stop expecting from him not only that most importantly make urself busy in hobbies u love....I love art ,painting and doing t-shirt designing apart from reading so I keep myself busy in doing that...he does realize for some days and tries all possible ways to draw my attention , once am back in form he again starts yelling at me...infact my hubby is mumma's boy but yeah I know one fact that we love eachother a lot so after argument or throwing out frustrations.....when calm all i remember is good time...(i can say I make myself to remember those good memories)

    Dear, calmly talk to him what his problem is and what as wife you would feel.....last week I and my DH had big fight....long story wont get into detail but yea I told him all.....that begging to spend time from you always is not correct...we are couple so mutually we should feel need to spend time. Also, he is mumma's boy and if am not in mood and I remain quiet as usually I gell well with all in his family , he feels it as insult to his parents...to which I told him if not in mood I cant pretend also...his mom though i talk nicely with her has once told me that 'what if you take away my son' so I told him if to u ur parents insult matters to you.....you should also matter insult to your wife....I asked him to put himself in my shoes and understand how it feels ..... what if I start yelling at u for small small things....I told him with heavy heart that if u would continue like this I wont be able to survive this relationship so u better decide how u wanna continue relation...I guess he got the hint...from past 1 week its been going fine...lets see how it goes further
    but yeah i would say ' Stop giving him importance ' do care for him but dont over do it .... i know its tough coz am also emotional like you so somewhere I cant stop myself from expressing....I agree its tough to explain them how good we are coz actually we do good to others with no expectations except the respect that we deserve in return...

    All the best dear and am sure he will understand ur feelings....Talk to him....
     
  6. GMReddy

    GMReddy Silver IL'ite

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    Patience and making DH aware of the irritation he is causing may solve the problem.

    When phone is received in the middle of office work it may be better to not to lift immediately, but call back after the task on hand is over and explain the reasons for not lifting the phone. Even if it is not understood, slowly after certain time and feeling the genuineness he will understand.

    Ensure that the problems between you two are solved between you two only with open heart to heart communication.

    Wish you all the best.
     
  7. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

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    You seem to be a nice person (just like me :)). Regarding the harsh words from your husband, why don't you give him a silent treatment when he scolds you next time? And when he asks why you are not talking, tell him you are offended by his choice of words and it hurts you. He may not change overnight, but he'll mellow down a bit and hopefully stop it completely in the future. Does he even KNOW that you are hurt by his words?
     
  8. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thank u Aaral for your wishes.
    I wish i should be strong to say "No" to my colleagues.
    Next month, i'm getting promoted as a Lead. Hope i'll do my best.
    Hmm..reg my DH, yes sometimes i wud think if i can shout back on him...
    Aanaa...kaaththu thaan varum ..vaarthai varaathu...Kandippa, i'll try to do as per ur advice.Thanks dear!!
     
  9. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Hugs to u too Hyral...
    Yes my DH is good when he's not angry. He'll take good care of me always.
    We do talk. That time he listens and would say "for ur sake only i scolded.Understand. i dont want to hurt u .."and all.
    Yet we have lot many good memories to think and feel happy.
    But those bad moments are like scenes which i feel not to even dream again...

    Sure dear...i'll talk to him again.
    I wish your problems should also settle down soon...Cheers!!
     
  10. MahiSree

    MahiSree Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for ur wishes GMR.
    Yes. i tried to implement what you've said yesterday.
    Once he felt Ok. The next time again he wasn't satisfied. But i remained silent until he finished his speech.
    Then i said "ok...Take care..". At home, he didn't say anything :) good sign i felt
     

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