Help me to clarify my mind!!!

AkshayaATM · May 5, 2015

Hi,

I am trying to conceive. i am overweight and thus working out for past one month to reduce my weight. My doctor advised me as losing even 2-3kg will help you a lot before her next appointment which is coming friday. I have reduced more than that. almost 6-7Kg.(But still 6-7 to reach the ideal weight).From the basic diagnosis she said i m fine except i might have to loose some weight. I am taking clomid 50mg this cycle.

I want to get pregnant in this cycle, i want to show to everyone that i m good enough to have a baby. I am 27yrs old.

But deep inside there is a voice that says i m not ready yet.I am not in any motherly mode like wanting to touch and feel babies kind of emotional feeling. I had these feelings some 6 months back when every month from the day of my ovulation i imaginatively used to talk to my virtual baby believing that its growing inside me. But now after waiting and waiting its gone. I don feel like doing those anymore. Looking at babies does not make me happy anymore.

Until before 2 months i was only mentally preparing myself for pregnancy, but now i have started exercising, healthy diet, poojas, visited gynaecologist and took advice. So i am in full fledged preparing mode. But now my mind is corrupted.

I think it might be the fear of failure that makes me avoid loving thoughts... My inside voice says you are just not ready. You have to lose more weight. You have not done enough. you might have to stop expecting? what can i do now?

I am afraid that these negative thoughts of me might affect me getting pregnant .
I am suffering with internal conflict Do everyone get into motherly mode before getting or wanting to get pregnant?

dvl · May 5, 2015

Dear friend,

First of all my hearty congratulations for the taking the very right first steps. Loose weight, pray, eat healthy, consult your doctor and keep your fingers crossed - all perfect things to do. Only one more thing that you need to do is - do not count your chickens before they are hatched. It is because of your imagination of talking to your baby and the disappointment later that your mind is trying to avoid that kind of sadness from happening again. It very natural and understandable.
I am a mother of 2 and I too had trouble conceiving. So believe me when I say, all the emotions and love will come rushing out from all possible corners of your body the minute you know you are carrying your treasure in your womb.
Till that moment sit tight and pray and do not wonder about a fictional baby. Reality is million times sweeter

All the best !

sugugiri2010 · May 5, 2015

Hi Akshaya ,

Congrats, u have reduced 7 kgs...which is not that easy.. dont leave workouts..continue them...consistently keep reducing... It will help u.
U r just 27, so u needn't worry.. and its never late...

Do ur best and expect the worst....am sure that will help u...
U will be blessed soon...Do not stress too much.

sricielo108 · May 5, 2015

Hi AkshayaATM,

I can understand how you feel coz i'm also in the same boat. I'm 28 years old and have been trying to conceive since this Jan. I was diagnosed with PCOD before my marriage. After my marriage, I went to a gyn in my hometown as I wanted to check whether I need to take any medications for pcos. Since ours is an arranged marriage, my husband and I were wanted to wait for 2 years atleast before trying for baby. That doctor was so rude. When I asked her what medicines I need to take to regulate my periods, she immediately gave some pills for trying for baby. When I told her I dont want these medicines for baby now, she got so mad and yelled at me. saying, "already you have pcod and can't conceive. why I want to postpone conceiving". I felt really bad and upset that day. I donno what is it to do with her. Sometimes when I'm not in good mood her words will come to my mind.
But I try to believe that I will have kids some day. Please don't loose hope. You are doing what is right. exercise and healthy lifestyle is the best thing to start with. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep trying.

AkshayaATM · May 6, 2015

@sricielo108
HI, Thanks for your reply and consideration. Its bad that the doctor is forcing you. Do not worry about her. Since you and your husband have consensus in waiting for two years its actually a boon for you. Now be glad you have time to get your body perfectly ready. PCOD is best cured(though not cured, suppressed very well) by proper healthy weight maintenance and zero belly fat and exercise. There are also certain medicines in siddha medicine for the same. So be glad you have a good amount of time to get ready.

Its not just PCOD but in general its healthy to have a baby before you are 30(its healthy for the baby). Take that also into consideration.May be thats why the doctor is pushing you. But take your own time.

beingloved · May 6, 2015

@AkshayaATM I think u are into many things and motherly feelings don't come in an instant. Sometimes, it takes time to get attached with the baby even after birth. So, please clear your mind, don't think too much and keep on moving at the right path. Your feelings would co me gushing the moment you'll hold your bundle of joy:exactly:

beingloved · May 6, 2015

@sricielo108 Donot take doctor's words to heart. PCOD is extremely common these days. Things will get fine in due time. All the very best to you

yellowmango · May 6, 2015

Op....you are only 27.You have been only trying to for a short while.
Enjoy the intimacy....
As for motherly feeling....that is part of the pregnancy package. The hormones that kick in those motherly feelings come free with the baby. They will come...don't worry.Just enjoy the process and the journey.
Best Wishes.