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Help me resolve the problem with my husband..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ushavenkatesh, Oct 14, 2010.

  1. ushavenkatesh

    ushavenkatesh New IL'ite

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    Hello All,

    We are married for eight years..
    It is a strange behaviour to let you know that whenever if we have any disagreements(which is obvious), it is certain one will have to speak to other.
    So, when my husband says something and if I have to say anything for that i will not be allowed to do so. If i forcibly speak he will pack his things and leaves and wont return 4,5, 6 and sometimes for a week. I keep calling him so many times(100-200) times but he will not respond.

    He doesn't like me raising voice for anything... if i agree for everything what he has said then he will be fine.
    I love him a lot and care so much. Leaving the house he is doing liek this from past 2 years for which i feel very bad.

    I feel that sitting together and discussing can help get a solution. but he is not at all prepared for that.

    Cany ou please suggest a solution for this.. Thanks.
     
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  2. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Usha,

    Its a sad thing that one of the family members is forced to oblige with whatever the other partner wishes.Especially i feel that its a cruel treatment to not even let the other party speak up the ideas they have or the reason for them disliking the proposals.

    Why don't you try reciprocating it and see? I know its not a small thing to do and it might trigger a lot of negative reactions. Its high time that your DH learns to listen to your ideas and opinions.

    Try doing the same to him once and see how he reacts. Sometimes people just try this option of walking out and let the ladies beg for them(DH) to come back for the mistake they have not done. Its a kind of black mail i would say.Once they realise that the other side is strong enough they will have to change their ways if they really love their partner.
     
  3. Skythelimit

    Skythelimit New IL'ite

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    What do you think about this idea.
    Dont talk directly anything to him.
    Just sent him a email explaining about the problem, how and howmuch it hurts you, about your opinion for soution to the problem, or just ask what is his opinion for solving the problem and ways to implement the solution, your role and his role in implementing and achieving the solution.
    After let him to start the conversation and see how it works. BEST LUCK :thumbsup
     
  4. dream.girl

    dream.girl Silver IL'ite

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    I agree with sarajara.

    It's a kind of Psychological game:rant, to bring you down and listen whatever he wished for. Be strong, confident and keep your foot down..and this time don't call him, try to sms him once clearly that the way he behaves is unreal and had to solve the things by communication.I think It's high time to contact elders about this issue as he is going away for a week or so.

    How about tracking him where he goes, like to some relatives or friend's home?:idea
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2010
  5. vjbunny

    vjbunny IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi, Usha,
    . Its very sad your DH is like that. I have a friend whose DH is also like it. He just doesnt want to listen to her opinions n views. He is adamant whatever he proposes needs to be agreed even if it is foolish. She has not been able to make him listen to her so what she has learnt is accept whatever he proposes. I know the pang that she suffered when he does so.
    Personally I think you just agree to whatever he says when he is hot on to it. When he faces some problem bcs of his ideas then gently & subtly tell him your views (dont ever say you knew it would happen so). In time he will begin to see that your views indeed count. For this you need to have a lot of patience. Good Luck:thumbsup
     
  6. Preet82

    Preet82 Silver IL'ite

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    He is being cruel.Especially leaving you home for days together without notice.
    I suggest you give him a taste of his own medicine.You do the same.
    If you think it will only make the matters worse,then just go silent.Do not call him when he leaves home.Even when he comes back,don't talk to him much.Just behave as nothing has happened.Be cool and go on with your work.I hope it works and makes him talk openly about it and stop this ridiculous habit of leaving home like that.
    Hope you sort this out soon amicably.All the best:thumbsup
     
  7. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Usha, Do you know where does he go for the 4-6 days when he is out?
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2010
  8. archana820

    archana820 Bronze IL'ite

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    hi usha

    i think first u should find out where he is going and then plan accordingly . if u have good relasionship with in laws tell them.
     
  9. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

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    I hope you dont have a kid yet.

    Ensure you dont bring a kid into this marriage, until the issues are sorted out. Else, you will be posting in IL with a bigger problem.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2010
  10. ushavenkatesh

    ushavenkatesh New IL'ite

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    I dont have inlaws to inform this and i can't share with my friends or parents.

    Now also i tried to reach him but he is not picking the phone..

    i have two kids also-- 5 and 2 years whcih i can't leave them alone..
     

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