Help Me In Dealing With My Mil

Vetrivenki · Sep 19, 2016

Hi everyone

I was married last April and now seven months pregnant. We moved to muscat after marriage. (Myself, my hubby and mil). My fil is death during my hubby childhood itself.
My probs is mt mil is very conservative and was in joint family. So she s insisting me to be same. Like I should not go out off home, talk with her more that too only abt family, she likes only selected foods and also in selected procedure to prepare so always says compliant on me. She wanted me not to have more contact with my family but her daughter is ruling here. Their also not respecting my parents saying bride members have to be under them only She is not allowing me to go to job also. As she is not allowed to go. And also she has 2 daughter they were also married to conservative family and not allowed to go for job. But my hubby s veru strong is my career. So after delivery I would start up my career

I know that she s acting like this as she n fear of leaving her alone in her old age. But we are actually wanted her to be with us only. As she s doing like this we are very upset and we getting fights as she s willing like that. Mostly we acting.
Now after delivery I will move to muscat. How I will manage her again?
If I go to job what abt my child will she change the mind as for her male only work to earn money and female means only to learn to home works.
Generally how to manage her plz give advice.

Iamagoodgirl · Sep 19, 2016

Just dont discuss.Its going to create clashes.If some one opens subject just change it.Tell them we will see latter.
Good thing is your hubby is with you.If mil refuse to look after kid,be ready with alternate arrangement.Is there any good childcare facility near your house in muscat?Start looking for it now.
About job tell your mil about it on 11 hour.So she may not able to create any drama or hurdle.

Vetrivenki · Sep 19, 2016

Hi iamagoodgirl

Thanks for your advice. And I will see through it.

soulful · Sep 19, 2016

Your DH is on your side. That is a strong plus. Do not ever ruin that for anything. Handle MIL with tact. If she is not otherwise malicious and you are sure that only fear of being alone in old age is causing her to behave like that, take her into confidence. It's only been 1.5 years since marriage so obviously the insecurity persists.

Talk to her about what you think, how times have changed and how career will help you and the family in the long run. Also convince her that you will not let her be alone. BUT, as you try to ease her fears, do NOT bend over backwards. You have every right to talk to your parents, meet them and help them. You have the right to live freely, go whereever you like. Do it all politely.

Vetrivenki · Sep 19, 2016

Hi soulful

soulful said: ↑

Your DH is on your side. That is a strong plus. Do not ever ruin that for anything. Handle MIL with tact. If she is not otherwise malicious and you are sure that only fear of being alone in old age is causing her to behave like that, take her into confidence. It's only been 1.5 years since marriage so obviously the insecurity persists.

Talk to her about what you think, how times have changed and how career will help you and the family in the long run. Also convince her that you will not let her be alone. BUT, as you try to ease her fears, do NOT bend over backwards. You have every right to talk to your parents, meet them and help them. You have the right to live freely, go whereever you like. Do it all politely.
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As you said I and my husband are trying to make her understand that we not going to leave her but she is not in mind to accept. As her mother was left by her sister in law. And she s comparing me with her. She is seeing only her instead of me. Daily its a struggle for us to make her normal. Hopefully she must at least try to understand in near future