Help Me Decide!

Lol nice comparisons, eye openers for OP

 

I prefer life in the US. I never had the freedom I wanted when i lived in India - freedom to go anywhere anytime I wanted, to wear any kind of dress I wanted (and not get judged). These are not the reasons I chose to stay in the US, but I am just saying that comparing my life in India and in the US, I prefer it here.
My husband and I do not have any family here. Not even any extended family or a far away relative. We were introverts, but we tried to be social when we chose to live our life in this country where we dont have any acquaintances. So we started with meeting people at the indian association here, try to go to events, if we find someone we sync with, we try to make friends with them. it is a lot of work, which pays off. Now we have a bunch of friends who lives in different states but we try to meet up once in a while. All of the points you pointed out about American life has solutions (My point of view). Some of them are difficult, so we have to live with it.

 

Hi, OP! Like others pointed out, it depends on what you want and value more...
If you are a people person, and thrive on social interactions, India maybe a better place. You get to see, chat, interact with a lot of people. However, the other side of the coin, there will be gossip, superficial friendships, a lot of status-based interactions...
The point here is that you will already be in your element - you don't have to 'go looking'. It will be easier to establish contacts and relationships, because Indians in general like to relate : within 5 minutes of a flight, the person sitting next to you will already know where you're from, your marital status, job, income, and holiday plans! You will probably have a friend circle, or you can quickly merge into one. Its easier to find similar sensibilities.

But how much of your day/life is this really going to affect is the question.

For me, I am a social person. I need a lot of people contact. Which is why I find it tough in US. Having said that, I have also discovered interesting interactions in unexpected places - meeting people in the library, joining a neighbourhood app (thanks to IL for the idea!) all made things better for me... friendly uber drivers have chatted with me about the challenges of life, being a single mom, being a dad, having autistic kids, best restaurants, best things to do in summer, immigration challenges in US, iconic people from India (this was from an American, and he educated me!) and what not! And yes, people do take a lot of time to ask you personal things, and it takes a while to get included, but people are generally nice! You can do a lot more things here that you wouldn't be able to in India - pursue more whimsical interests, and still find folks to do it with!
So I do enjoy 'discovering' my place here, though it does make me feel very discomfited and unsure of myself and awkward several times... and pissed that I have to try so hard to 'find' a group...
Are you the exploring type, or are you the kind who is happier with familiar things?

I do worry that no matter what, 'Americans' won't really gel with you beyond a limit, and that I may not have any close friendships here... but no experience here, so only time will tell.
Do I want to go back to India? Definitely. But that is more because I want my immediate family around me and my close friends - not for the general social milieu even if it is an enjoyable plus.

On a closing note, if you don't want your kids to be Americanised, or you've set your heart on an Indian-DIL, then do seriously consider going back home! It's less about whether your kids will follow Indian cultures and traditions, and more about not forcing your kid to be something else and and against their social identity. Decide which environment you want for your kids, go there, and accept all the traits your kids will develop thereafter!

Hope you found something worthwhile in my chatter.. good luck!

 

Wow... you make me miss home sooo much!!!

 

Dear OP- You have received excellent advice. I moved to the USA 15 years ago as a student and in the last 15 years, I have been back to India frequently with trips ranging from 2 weeks-6 months at a time. My experiences are based on these frequent trips. Most of my longer trips have been work related and away from my home town.

I miss India but I only enjoy my short trips when the whole family is together and I know I have a return ticket. To me, the predictable life of USA is far more convenient than surrounded by people. All my siblings are working so they can only take a week or two off when I am there. We have a blast when we are together but I also understand that it is temporary. they all have to go back to their lives and work their 9-5 jobs as well as household duties. If I move to India, we won't be spending these extended two weeks together because it won't be a yearly family get-together. Same with my friends, all my friends from college and IIT days have moved to different parts of the world and India and we talk frequently on phone but it will be same even if I move to India. I have a somewhat flexible job that allows me to go to India if there is something I need to attend (a wedding in the family/ reunion etc). I also live close to a major city in the USA so flights to India usually aren't super expensive.

It also depends on our personalities. I am not a social butterfly. I am somewhat introvert in the sense that I have always had a few friends but my friends have been lifetime friends even those from high school, we are still friends. Friends I made in the USA 15 years ago, despite living in different states we still meet. I don't have only Indian friends, my friends are from many nationalities. I disagree that you have a superficial friendship with the Americans. My best friends in the USA are Indian, Russian, and American. These women have there for me whenever I needed them. They are my absolute support group. They were also my co-workers (lab mates) so it might be a science lab thing .

I also disagree that people in India are narrow-minded and if they hop on a plane and move to the USA they automatically become broad-minded. I have met many wonderful Indian men and women during my stays out of my hometown and I have met very narrow-minded people in the United States- both Americans and Indian.

I understand you were joking about an Indian DIL, what is the guarantee that moving to India would lead to an Indian DIL? I grew up in a conservative state and in a middle-class family. I was the first from my family to leave the country and I married an American. We have been married for 10 years and I absolutely love my in-laws and the whole extended clan.

In short, I love my life in the USA but I still miss India because my family is there. I love my short trips but I don't think I can adjust to Indian lifestyle now. I love my random talks with strangers (not complete strangers but the people at work whom I don't directly interact with) during my work trips to India and getting an invitation for tea or iftar; the shopkeeper willing to fix my gadget for free because I buy many things from the local shop, a sense of community even when I am away from my hometown.

I don't have nosey relatives or MIL in India still I am happy exactly where I am. I love the peaceful surroundings of my home here in the USA- the birds chirping, the river flowing nearby, the ocean at a short distance away, my kids playing in the backyard without worrying about traffic, the respect I get at work, my friends who are ready to meet for a cup of coffee whenever I ask. So, I am happy where I am. The home is wheer heart is and my heart is right here. I feel blessed to have families (both my own and in-laws) and friends who love me and I love them back with my whole heart no matter where we live.

I hope you find your little piece of the earth where you feel that you belong.

 

[QUOTE="SinghManisha,

OP , you seem to have made the decision and want everyone to confirm it is right. That is not happening.

Here is my honest reply :
I love being here. I have friends from different countries, different age groups. I am happy petting their dogs and comfortable discussing their dates/exes.
I don’t watch football but I talk to my American friends about cricket.

I can call my boss with his/ her first name, my performance at work dictates how good or bad I am.

My kids may not get to attend weddings or have a million friends. But our weekends are spent at the library / park / doing fun art and craft projects. They get social stimulation at school and at other extra curricular activities they attend.
I do not have time on weekdays , the monotonous scheduled life suits me best.
I don’t have to worry about relatives , I see them once in a while. I am away from all the gossip.
I am more than sure about my decision because it works better for me.
You need to convince yourself about your choices and what works for you.
Good luck with whatever you choose !



,[/QUOTE]
Yes. Agree with you.
Social life with relatives work only if they are good.
Honestly, I miss my parents in India. Thata all about India that I miss

 

Avoiding relatives whilst overseas is more likely than when you are in India. It’s the risk one has to take when returning to India. One needs to decide after thinking about what’s in their best interests.

Likewise you have already told about the mindedness of people. For me it’s same everywhere and I have found even long lasting friendship has many issues but not known to others.

From my view, only extended familial closeness, apart from affinity to culture had been the reasons for many families to return to India.

It’s your decision and so you decide after discussing pros and cons with your husband.