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Help Me Decide!

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by Mindfulness, Jun 29, 2019.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Not everyone has experience with US life so it’s obvious that many are not able to respond.

    And coming to your query each ones POV differs in such things.

    Some are happy away from their home country and some are not.

    Also it all depends on how well you adapt to the new environment / new culture etc.

    Each has its own pros and cons.
    So you need to outweigh which country has more benefits and decide accordingly
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
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  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I've done this. So I guess I can chime in. Truthfully, I miss my time in India. I had trouble on the work front but I just miss it. Moving back to the US was difficult and even today, years later, I still think fondly of my friends in India and my apt etc. I have friends here too. We've been friends for over two decades now. Life gets in the way here. I seriously feel my life was better off in India. My son's would not have been as great so here we are. Making the most of it. I go very often these days and spend a week with my friends and family to get a slice of life in India.

    Did I have issues? Absolutely. My career went for a toss. I was never able to work the way I did here. The challenges are very different for women in the workforce. It's going to take a long time for things to get better on that front. That was my biggest regret when I moved.

    I didn't see anyone over involving in my life. People are busy there too. There aren't nosy aunties sitting at the window looking for you and making up things. Everyone is busy and things like commute do add up. It was still easy to find your own group and mingle. I've never figured out why I was able to do it all in India with the commute that I had daily. I just was able to.

    Reg parents and PILs. Both lived away, but came often. I was too busy with work and friends etc to have issues with either set. They were busy with their friends that they made in the apt to worry about what I did. Everyone was independent, we were happy.

    I'm very social. It helped being in a community with a lot of like minded people. From zumba to running to walking to laughing clubs- everything was in the community. Our evening groups were amazing. Go down, hang out, come back refreshed, every evening. Kid was busy with her friends too. As long as someone kept an eye on her.
    The convenience of calling the store downstairs and getting things - still miss it. Vegetable vendor would call me when my driver went to the store to tell me "Madam, today I have lychee. Sweet and delicious. It's not in your list but since you like it, I'm sending it. I'll collect the money tomorrow". Every time I went for grocery after getting back, I got annoyed. Now, with the advent of favor and other apps, I'm better. I still miss the personalized service from the grocery store, veggie wala, fruit stall et al.
    It's the little things that I miss. I miss having three friends downstairs at all times. I miss having my parents come on a whim just because I want to see them. I miss taking an overnight train to go see my mom at least once a month. I miss the sibling, a lot. I could use her support these days. Most of all, I miss calling the cook from office and giving her the menu and forgetting about it. I hate having to think about what to feed the kids after a long stressful day. I miss everything about having a big family. We had functions to attend every month and we loved it. I miss my cousins and their children. I always had visitors at home and I miss that. Someone or the other would be in town and it wasn't even stressful becfause I didn't have to do anything extra. I had someone doing it all!


    If you have the opportunity, why not go try it out. You never know until you do. I didn't want to move back at all. I went because of an opportunity my hubby got. I really loved my time. Both of us didn't want to come back. Circumstances made us but we have made the best of what we have here right now.
     
  3. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    It was just a humor..how come you didn’t understand :eek: i know ppl will reply slowly if they had similar experience!! I need help outweighing benefits .i couldn’t do it alone... hence this post.. thanks for the suggestion
     
  4. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Hi thanks for your reply. I dont think so anyone interferes that much in india these days..i mean neighbors or colleagues.. but i still fear my mother in law might do.. i also don’t like narrow minded people.. ppl say things have changed in india.. but i don’t know.. however just to avoid someone coming 10,000 miles away feels like joke to me!! Sorry no offense to anyone here.. i am not asking about corruption, work unfairness.. there is gun violence.. racism in usa too.. i am just discussing social life challenges in both countries.. for me personally having strong loving supporting social system is important than corruption or pollution or gun violence. That is me however. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2019
  5. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for the detailed reply.. no wonder you are the finest post winner!!! Your post is making me more inclined towards return to india.. who knows once i return my circumstances and experiences may be different than you.. the thing is I don’t have great relationship with my parents... too much drama from their side.. they are favoring my brother way too much.. constant comparison to my life to theirs.. no closeness with cousins also.. i am the only one who stay abroad.. hence some sort of jealousy.. they think life is rosy here.. in law .. same issues.. nothing unique.. so there is no strong social pull to go back to india.. .. to each their own unique problem.
     
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  6. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    How come you couldn’t wait :fearscream:;):eek:
     
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  7. Vaikuntha

    Vaikuntha Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    Everyone is writing from their own mental reference of things- paradigm.
    If 100 people write, then they might have 100 different replies. You can take it or leave it.
    I love USA very much; I decided - a very small seed in my mind- when I was only in eight grade to come here. I had no one here and I decided to come. I hate to hear anything bad about US. It has given me more respect than I would ever have had in my motherland. I am in love with everything about this country. I feel very emotional when I think how much I love this country. But I am emotional towards place of living, are you?
     
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  8. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    I dont feel emotional about this country.. I haven’t lived that long.. but this country has definitely made me a better person overall.
     
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  9. Dhamini

    Dhamini Platinum IL'ite

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    If you live in India you will be able to find friends but it may time to establish the friendship. But there will be many people as you told so the chance of you finding the right friend is higher.

    But usually the reason people want to move back is for their children to get into their culture and to have extended familial relationships. There are pros and cons for both so decide after thinking your situation.
     
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  10. Mindfulness

    Mindfulness Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you. I agree with you. However here are my challenges-
    1. I want to avoid both sets of relatives.
    2. I want broad minded people.. i cant tolerate gossiping.. judgmental narrow minded people.
    My husband solution for the above points
    1. You will meet relatives only once or twice a year.. hence i wont bump into them often
    2. India has broad minded people too.. saying everyone narrow minded would be gross generalization.
    What is your take on the above points? Yes i also want to teach our culture to my kids .. i dont want American daughter in law :tongueout:.. i might be thinking long term.. but i dont want to r2i then R2A.. pls share your thoughts.. thanks.
     

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