Help!! I Am Distraught..

OP,
Tackle one thing at a time. Else, it will backfire. All this discussion would have already put him in a dilemna of moving back. But it is good that you already put your thought process in front of him.
No tears. No resentment. Just stay firm. No lengthy discussions.

Understand one thing.. we have long road to establish the fact that girls need to take care of their parents too. Luckily for us, parents dont expect much from daughters, but wish for us to be there when their health is bad.
For now, if their health is fine, you dont have to base your india move and college on the fact that you have to be with them. Leave it. Just move back. Let your H rent a house and bring in-laws. I bet they wont be able to look after ur son. You can then see if you can take ur parents help. Its a win-win. Your H will be near his parents and you will be in close proximity to your parents. Consider it as a blessing. Things will settle down. Its important to have husbands confidence and support in taking care of ur parents and he needs yours too.

 

Your entire post talks about your parents being dependent on you and you being dependent on them.
Why cant you get a good daycare and have your son play with other children and not depend on anyone and be fine. I did my MBA while working and taking care of a child with zero help from my ex husband in the US.

Our society is not going to change overnight, but we can always navigate cleverly and avoid stress and drama. Unless your parents are bedridden or your son is very sick why cant you just opt for day care or nanny and avoid the drama. Both grandparents can visit in weekends and spend quality time with the child.

the more you stress that you want to live with your parents, more your DH is going to resist and put a blocker. thats human nature. He obviously is answerable to his parents, family and society about this decision and might feel like he is emasculated. You are stressing yourself and spoiling your relations with your DH, read all the posts where DH is giving silent treatment and turning woman's life into nightmare. Do you want that ? Parents had their time with you, now its your time with DH and kid. Focus on that.

goodluck

 

Set your priorities right.

What is more important now? Building your career or staying with your parents.

It's better to stay in your own home with husband and kid, not with anyone's parents. Either set of parents can visit or you can visit them as needed. You are lucky that you got a chance to work on your career and an opportunity to stay near to your parents. Use these opportunities wisely.

 

I completely agree with the opinion of @senorita2019 !
You need to be able to manage on your own, along with your husband's help. You just need a bit of courage
In times when you really need parent's support, then you should request them , am sure your husband would be understanding in those circumstances then..

 

Move back, rent or buy a place close to your parents' house. Stay independent. Depend on your parents or in-laws when you really need it. Have a dependable maid, day care etc. Let your son spend after school at your parents place. Pick him up when your day is over. You can drop him there or they can come over to your place when you need them during vacations or when he is sick.

Support your parents when they need it. You don't need to wait for any body's permission to take care of them. Your house should be a place where either your parents or his parents can come and stay when required. Don't shift in laws permanently if that means that your parents cannot stay there as well.

 

First of all hugs to you ,your husband's logic can make anyone frustrated. Women have equal right and duty to take care of their parents and you should not feel like a bad person you should be proud of your sense of responsibility. I feel only a good daughter can make a good DIL, one who doesn't care to take care of own parents she cannot possibly genuinely take care of her inlaws.

Sorry to say your husband is very rude.As a wife, we should not waste our husband's hard earned money, but he too has to realise husband and wife are equal partners- you are mother of his kid,homemaker and life partner- he should not treat you as some some freeloader.Money should not be factor to determine equality in marriage.

But one thing is that after marriage, your husband is most important person and your priority should be to live with him and your kids, living with either sets of parents is not desirable at this stage because you will be burdening them with household chores as you both busy for career,and also for your own bonding/freedom.Once both your parents are a bit older you can get both of the parents to live with you guys and you can take care of both set of parents. First check whether nuclear family option is agreeable to him or not. So be a bit understanding of his perspective and try to reach some compromise.
As for your studies, you can hire cook/nanny/for cleaning -hopefully your husband will agree because you already mentioned some problem about expenses. I know it's not possible to do homemaker job(cooking, cleaning etc) along with studies when you are competing with so many to get placed in a good job after that. It's a fiercely competitive world out there, don't spoil your career for which you must have invested so much time/effort- if you feel you really cannot do without your parents' help, then just go for it-don't compromise. Tomorrow if you are not bale to get a good job, you/your husband/kid will suffer the most.

 

I think you have given reasons for how it would be perfect for *you* to live with your parents - in terms of child-care and household activities. But the loss of privacy for your husband - in addition to his career changes is definitely hard for him too. You are asking him to do exactly what you don't want to do *live with the in-laws*.

As all others have chimed in - the compromise for both of you would be stay just by yourselves without either of the grandparents living with you. Visit both sides over alternate weekends - or (if grandparents agree) drop off kid for one day of the weekend - when you can catch up on your coursework.

And if you stay in walking distance of your parents - you can always reach out for cooking help now and then too - depending on how close you are to mom.

This is extremely unfortunate that he said and believes in this - as a homemaker - half of his salary rightfully is yours and he has to participate in household duties as much as is possible. (just my personal opinion)

However, he must be appreciated for willing take a step back in his career to ensure your career can be as you would wish for it to be. In most households, sometimes mutually, sometimes not - husbands career is given higher priority over wife's.