help..confused.... what is going on??..

Hi Peaceofmind..

I can understand what you are trying to say and I feel you are totally right in feeling so..
My SIL stays in my DH's parental house only,totally claims it and treats us as guests whenever we visit.Although we pay for all the construction,maintenance etc. but still our opinion is also not sought for anything.FIL is no more and MIL and SIL stay there.So as such,my DH is not left with any parental house which he can call as his ancestral house and where he'll like to take our kids and show them.
When we got married and went there,we were not given any room.Our luggage was kept in drawing room and we slept there on a mattress.Funny part is-drawing room is open,it has no doors so it was so awkward to sleep there!!:drowning
Later we started sleeping on open terrace as I felt very uncomfortable in the open drawing room.My MIL was slept in one room,SIL in 2nd room and her kids in 3rd.No one even asked us to shift to any room!! No wonder,we did not have any intimacy till we were there..:spin
After that episode,I have given away any hopes for privacy there and try to minimize our stay there.Till now,we have to sleep in drawing room only..

Now coming to your case:

1.Your DH seems to be very supportive,understanding and balanced.You are lucky that ways.So leave it on him to put up all points to PILs and try to enjoy as much as you can with him.

2.MIL and PIL:-They too seem harmless.No doubt,they are showing favouritism towards your BIL and co sis but it can be their need too.They have to stay with them and depend on them for their daily needs and all said and done,they are being looked after by BIL and co sis.So dont try to change them.Yes,as suggested above,your DH can have a straight talk with FIL about his future plans but I think its unnecessary at present.Be patient.
Your PILs might be having soft corner for BIL and co sis but they seem to be caring enough for you too.So,let them decide whether they are going to give some part of their property to you or not.
Regarding gifts etc..There is no harm in taking gifts and occasionally sending money for them.Parents feel good if the child is taking care of them.Anyways you dont get to do anything else for them the whole year so by this way,you can show your care and love.
But don't expect anything in return.You'll be happy that ways..

3.BIL and cosis- BIL is helping his father in business and is also sharing responsibilities at home so,he must be considering his right over house and business.Same is with co sis.She seems to be really jealous and insecure and thats why she is behaving weird.My advice:ignore them both.Meeting once a year is fine,later forget about what they did because you won't be able to do much about it anyways.

I'll advise what I too follow in my case.Go there,take some gifts.Be like a guest because they are not treating you like a DIL anyways.Visit people and places.Don't bother what are PILs ,BIL and Cosis are doing.Its their headache-let them deal with it.Be polite to everyone and don't come back with any stress(I know easier said than done!) Take it as any other outing.

Don't bother whether PILs will do anything for you or not because if they don't,they will also not be in a position later to trouble you for anything which means less responsibilities for you..And since you both are earning,you'll do much better in life even without their support..

Parents are expected to be neutral and unbiased but when they differentiate among kids,it unnecessarily creates hard feelings among kids too..But this also deprives them from asking proper and good treatment from children later on..