Heights of shamelessness!! Very irritated..

Why are you guys taking care of her and family? what is her DH doing? sorry I didn't go through your other posts.

 

Dear SS,

It IS a sorry situation, which unfortunately, has no solution....

One, you can flat out refuse to give that 10K extra per month, stating that your own expenses are going to increase with the baby..

Two, what exactly happened when you asked her to look for a job? Would it be worth it to speak up again about that??

Three, when you go into your maternity leave, or later, when you take leave without pay, can you tell them your household income has reduced, and cut hers also by 10K for one month...just to let them know the value of the money that is coming in ??

Where does your DH stand in all of this? Does he think about the money that he is sending at all, atleast in private, atleast to you?? The future?? According to me you are already raising her kids (financially )...

The only way out is to initiate a serious discussion, and I KNOW that will lead to a huge fight at home...maybe you could buy your peace with that 10K for now, and postpone the fight till your baby comes, and is around 3-4 months old, when YOU will have to manage home, kid, work, expenses....

Hugs to you, SS ... I would type "enjoy your pregnancy" easily, but I feel for your situation...

 

Tell your DH that you are NOT ready to sponsor for greedy demands of someone who doesn't even bother to work. You have all the rights to demand your DH cuz its your hard earned money too. Forget about 30k, tell them you guys have big time problem managing 2 house holds. Either they work, or they starve. Tell your DH you are gonna stop working as you are pregnant and since he can take care of other family too, (your SIL & her kids are NOT a part of family ofcourse!)you expect him to take care of his family first. You are right, you have been working like a bonded labourer. You realised, and what's stopping you?

 

they are after money, what all they see now is all money.
They don't worry how much hard work you doing or what all you going thru to support them..
Tell your husband that we need to start saving for the baby every month 20k or some if he is also feeling burden helping his sister (very few don't care,as they think helping sis is their top priority even after marriage) then just pass an idea to him suggesting his sister can either find a job or reduce her expenses..or you stop working.

when your hard earning money is going for someone else luxury life why you have to do it????

 

Her SIL is a widow.

Shweta, congrats on your pregnancy. You are in a really difficult situation. There really is no way out. Your DH mite understand everything, but wont so much changes, as that will offend his mom and sister. Plan the income, expenditure and investment properly. Now that you are expecting, tell DH to take care of household expenses and MIL/SIL expenses with his salary and keep yours for investment only. If your inlaws have some property, sell them, divide, and so some deposit and let SIL get interest from her share. Make her independent to some way and explain her thats her limit.

If your SIL is well educated, make your DH explain her shes actually wasting her talent. Persuade her to take up a job. This will not only help your money issues, will keep her busy, not to interfere or spoil your family.

You have to take a steady stand and no matter if you are bad-mouthed stick to it. Dont even increase your SIL's monthly stipend, It will keep on increasing. Instead make some avenue for her to get income independently they some investment or FD.

 

Shweta....First congrats on your pregnancy....Let them( MIL n SIL ) crying for money....they will never satisfied....never ever....how disgusting.....you are working like a labour and they are getting money just becoz you married with his brother....i know she is widow....sympathy should be there but this is too much every month you are giving money to your sil....who don't even talk to you....its really irritating.
Just give them as much as their basic needs completed....for more she should do something....she should work...her mother should take care of their kids and she should earn money for more fun in their life....how can anyone give money whole life to them.....really worried...what your dh says about it...

 

Dear sweetestshweta,
Congrats for your pregnancy!
I am wondering after reading your post why you guys 'fixed' 30 k per month for sil?! Isn't it too much of exploitation? And she isn't even behaving properly. First of all convince your DH that his first liability is towards you & kids, he can't be ignorant of your needs. Future savings, kids education & everything, start planning & discuss with him. Do not increase this amount anymore, on other hand try to modify your help , you can buy grocery, pay their regular bills directly rather than giving to her. And as others have pointed out, SHE MUST WORK.

 

I think both of you husband and wife should start giving a standard replay- Sorry we can't. You are doing more than enough and that should be it. As sorry as one can be for her loss, there is a limit. You are helping her and rest she needs to do on her own. If she can't let your Mil manage. If she wants to sell her property for her daughter, let her do it.

BUt otherwise do not entertain long calls with list of demands. When Mil gives you a demand, say, we will see or Sorry, finacially strained, we can't. NO more explanations. Period. What you earn and what you spend is for you, no need to give such details to them. I am hoping your husband understands the situation and where you are coming from.

You also need to setup extra money situations. Like extra money to be provided when...someone is sick, career of kids is at stake, a valid lifelong investment to boost them and make them independent etc.


If I were you, I would have taken a break from job for sometime, and spent money whole-heartedly on myself and my home. I work so I can have better life and can help family. not other way round. Let the husband see the financial strain and deal with it. Probably may be enlightened by the situation.

 

aww sweetie....hugs to you!...the only thing i can suggest is if your husband does not realize it now,then this will be the situation for life long...he NEED'S to step up!...and i guess you need to do that too..remove the guilt from your heart then only will you be able to proceed in this situation.

bring up the topic of her working AGAIN!..and ask BIL to pitch in this time...

you guys are having a baby...if nothing works out then you save your salary and let husband spend it on your and his family..atleast someone is saving and your resentment will decrease...when he has to spend out of his pocket,then he will feel the pinch...

otherwise,take care of your health..eat good and pamper yourself!