Following suggestions are not what I suggest to everybody - just specific to your family dynamics - giving someone a taste of their own medicine. Don't order food from outside when his friends come over. Don't cook either. Both are not your job. Go to sleep.. or read a book.. just don't be in the kitchen or living room ... and when he asks what's there to eat, tell him 'I don't know... maybe you can order something... <you can even tell you feel like eating XXX>' He'll order food for a while, but later when he runs out of money, he'll reduce it. or start cooking. Don't offer to pay for it... Now if he asks you to pay for it, say you don't have the money <spend it, save it, move it, whatever>... If he cooks, don't help - come eat and say 'it's very tasty' and go back to what you were doing! No complaints whatsoever about food or messy kitchen - don't ask him to clean but don't clean either - by next day if kitchen is still messy, extra brownie points to you, if you ask him to call the cleaners. You know him by now - he's not going to do it. Hire a cleaner - not after baby is born, but right now... Even I used to think my house is not cleaner-ready! This is not a real problem, cleaners have seen worse houses.. it's just a mental problem. let it go... just tell your husband, you wont ask him to clean anymore as he will be paying for the cleaner so he doesn't have to worry about cleaning anymore. Buy the baskets or dressers or both and let the cleaner deal with it. If he does grocery, ask him to pick up food on the way back. Ask him to take money from ATM.. (to pay the cleaner, of course!).. Put the older one in evening or weekend classes if your husband does take the kid to classes. That way she's not just watching TV. You can also hire mom's helper - someone to come in and play with your older one. If he says you are not doing anything (not cooking or cleaning or whatever)... just say 'kya karen yaar, time hi nahin milta, very tired after sleepless nights! and change topic. And if he's watching a movie, tell him once this movie is done, your turn next and you want to watch so and so movie... When you have your second one and ppl send food over, eat, go back to taking rest. Let him clean, cook whatever.. not your problem. come, eat, say 'it's tasty' every time he cooks and go back... You get the drill. After the baby is born, don't do any housework - just take care of baby, eat, sleep, play with older kid, eat, sleep <rinse lather repeat>. Adults in the house can take care of themselves... They will learn to do it only if you stop doing it. Don't argue, don't fight, don't ask... just do your own thing. I did a lot of cooking after baby 1 was born - was always tired, cranky, postpartum depression etc.. With the second baby, I consciously didn't do much after she was born... it helped everybody that I recovered faster and without postpartum depression.