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Has Mil Taken Care Of Her Mil?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Desiindian, Jan 23, 2018.

  1. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    Has anyone asked your MIL, how she took or taking care of her MIL? Why she did not live in a Joint family or keep her inlaws with her?

    In mycase, when we were in the same house, i asked her thes question. She had no answer and diverted the topic every time i ask her this question. I repeated whenever she irritated me. At last, she said, due to insufficient space at home, she stayed with her relatives..
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have told her...if there is place in the heart ,then there will always be place in the house.:yum:
     
  3. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    My MIL boosts to me of a situation wherein we left the hospital when FIL was admitted in the hospital just because her MIL came in to help and started advising. As soon as she said, this should not be done, that should not be done. She felt irritated and said to her husband ( My FIL) ok then ask your mother to take care of you. Let me leave.
    she went home took bath, cooked meal and had a hearty one and waited for a call from the hospital coz she was confident that her husband needs her at this time more than aged mother.. :p

    And it worked for her,,,, Now I am waiting for my chance to do this to her,,,, :roflmao:
     
  4. cutepoojitha

    cutepoojitha Bronze IL'ite

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    In my case my MIL never stayed with her inlaws other than first month of their marriage after 34 yrs still she says when we used to stay together that “one month” that happened this happened. I never asked my Mil why she didnt stay with her inlaws becoz i know she will not allow her mil to come to her house. Last time though i stayed with them during my last vacation to India she irritated me always that my grandson is not staying with us properly, i told her you r lucky you get a chance to spend time with your grandson poor your mil never have that chance. She got shocked but could not answer becoz she will never allow her sons to visit grandmother her mil.
     
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  5. Vandhuamma

    Vandhuamma Silver IL'ite

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    Superb reply. Yes they want to play with their grandchild. But as a DIL they never used to let their son visit inlaws house.
    My MIL used to leave by DH to her mother s house but now expects me to do reverse...
     
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  6. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Bronze IL'ite

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    I have a huuge amount to share in this matter, but will try to keep it short

    Here was my case:

    MIL (or mom, as I am the guy) was not with her MIL, because we stayed abroad

    When I married and issues arose because of joint family stuff, my MIL made it a point to note how "my mom" never stayed with her MIL but expects the same from her DIL (my wife)

    I thought she had a good point even if I did not vocalize it....

    But heres the catch, some people can be experts in pointing out others' hypocrisy, but are amazing hypocrites themselves when it suits them ....

    In my in laws family, the FIL was of such traditional type that they never allowed wifes parents to stay overnight in their daughters home, even visits were restricted using "tradition" as an excuse

    Now that the same FIL has married daughters, he has no qualms in having them visit him, and he of course visits them whenever he wants and stays for months, at the married daughter's husbands expenses .......


    So, I kick myself for sympathizing with my MIL/FIL's points back then.

    So what if my mom was mildly hypocritical in demanding joint family if she didn't do the same, my IL's are hypocrites as well when it suits them ....
     
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  7. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    You should have mentioned the hypocritical behavior to in laws.
    Staying in a joint family is an everyday affair and if things are not going right can be a real pain . This kind of hypocracy has to be endured everyday .

    Your in laws were also hypocrites but you did not have to deal with it daily.

    That is the difference. Living in a joint family....the wife had to deal with it everyday unlike you.

    The whole joint family system works on the concept of ' first do seva ....then get seva in old age' .

    In your case...your in laws seem to have evolved with the times and become liberal where as your parents were liberal enough to go to another country leaving family behind but became conservative as they grew older.
     
  8. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Bronze IL'ite

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    I would call it turning liberal/conservative depending on what suits you ....

    In my parents case, both sides had lots of siblings, and their IL's stayed with the older siblings.

    In our generation, its just 2 of us, so more expectations...
     
  9. Desiindian

    Desiindian Silver IL'ite

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    dxbdesi, agreed, your fil was wrong. If i were you, and mil parents are still alive and the tradition as per your fil is still being followed, i would comment on it on his face to let the Mil also enjoy her parents stay in her home. here, nothing wrong to be hyprocratic .
     
  10. MonikaSG

    MonikaSG Gold IL'ite

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    My mil did a lot for her mil. Even in front of me when her mil was too ill everyone decided to keep her at our home. My mil kept her at her room gave her own bed and took so much care of her. Her mil used to say many childish things even in her last days but she always respected her and always told her that this home belongs first to you then to me. You can stay here all the time if you want. No one can send you out. After sometime she shifted to her another son's home but there too my mil used to go daily in her last days to take care. And going there was her mils own decision.
     

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