Happy Surfing!

rgsrinivasan · Jun 8, 2015

Came another Saturday; another contest started and as usual my son grabbed the phone first with a wide grin on his face. He quickly started the game which both of us were playing since last week and chose a level. His competitor interrupted him as much as possible, using mock threats to start with, mock attempts to operate the phone when he could place a finger at least and clapping hands and shouting merrily when there was a failure or congratulating with a high five when he won. Ten minutes later, the tables turned and I was holding it with my son mimicking me closer.

"Come on! Use those coins to buy power and finish this level off!", he said quickly after seeing that I only had a few moves left. "But you won three levels to get these coins! If I buy now, you will end up with zero coins! Besides, we can lose one life instead!", I said. "Come on Pappa! We can win them back!", he said and grabbed the phone. I thought it reflected our ages neatly. He used to win and immediately exhaust the power to end up with where we started, yet not giving in. Just then he clicked the button to buy the power and gave it to me back. What I feared then happened. I lost despite that. "I told you!", I started. He ran to his mom complaining that I exhausted all his coins. I was so angry. Minutes later, we were playing together again.

His mom did not wisely intervene because of earlier experiences. Sooner my mind went back to the thinking mode as the phone changed hands. I know that he doesn't like to play that much if I was not watching and wondered whether at that age, all of us were happily reckless, indulging in whatever we thought without fear and did what we liked, without being concerned about whether it was right or wrong. Like a surfer to the sea, we jump in with the surfing board that is our (false?) belief upon ourselves. After a certain point, we know that there will always be rougher waves there taking us for surprise or shock depending upon how we receive it as we go under. We know that we would come back and when we do, we behave in a fashion that boasts aloud that we won! All it takes however is another wave. Bang! We are down once more.

Beyond some point, we don't fight anymore willingly and are ready to give up. We just sit by the shore watching all the waves and don't care much about whether we will be taken in. But our mind still dreams about the fight that we had earlier, that impossible odd that we once bravely took, though now knowing the risks involved, mostly. We then have a wearing board with more weary us, and feel confident only in dreaming, ending up talking about our past glories. Very few choose to fight no matter what comes and in fact the successes that they get are far more worthier compared to whatever they achieved all their lives earlier. For some of those, even the willingness to fight itself seems so rightly great and they've won already, no matter what they actually end up with.

"Lets not worry about what would happen tomorrow to us! Lets move forward!", I concluded myself, as my turn came.

rgsrinivasan · Jun 8, 2015

Many of us realize late
That we had wings, yes!
We were on a high and great
Things we aimed at best!

Whether we achieved or not
Didn't matter to us a lot then.
We were always ready to start.
There was no question of when.

As we grew, grew our list
Of doubts and hesitations.
We achieved less, talked best;
Yielded to many a trepidation.

One day we realize that we have
Nothing, and end as a beached whale,
That when alive readily gave
In to its fears thus ending stale.

Had we won our fears, by now
We would be someone greater.
Having the power, we'd allowed
Ourselves to be this way rather!

-Words of a commoner to his group!

Viswamitra · Jun 8, 2015

Dear RGS,

I call the change in our attitude from being a risk-taker to become a person with fear as a person who changed himself as one who operates to one who consults. Fear of failure becomes intense as we get older. We can consult as many books as we want but if one needs to learn various strokes in swimming, one needs to get in a pool of water.

It looks like we need to evaluate the risks better when we get into storm water at an early age but should not be afraid of shallow water when we get older. Unfortunately, fear grips us stronger as we get older. Anger comes from unfulfilled desires whereas fear comes from attachment to something we dearly value.

Viswa

jayasala42 · Jun 8, 2015

Dear RGS,
You are capable of arriving and deriving at a great philosophical thought from any small event such as playing a game in a phone.You have clearly brought out the difference between what the child thinks and what the father considers.
In those days we have been brought up with the stern advice" aazham theriyaamal kaalai vidaathe"That was the reason why many opted for steady Govt service rather than starting a business.A whole tribe has come out with such an attitude expecting somebody to offer a job.

In an increasingly competitive, cautious and accelerated world, those who are willing to take risks, step out of their comfort zone and into the discomfort of uncertainty will be those who will reap the biggest rewards.

When the boy just leaves the parents to a college he is terrified, excited, and is completely outside his comfort zone. As days advance he understands that no worthwhile aspiration can be accomplished from within our comfort zone. Only in giving up the security of the known can we create new opportunity, build capability, and grow influence. As we do, we expand the perimeter of our ‘Courage Zone’ and our confidence to take on bigger challenges in the future.

From the younger days it is better to train the children stop from playing very safe. While each had forged their own path to success – either up an organizational ladder or as an entrepreneur – the common thread of wisdom they all shared was that in today's competitive and fast changing workplace, we can never hope to achieve success unless we’re willing to embrace change and risk the discomfort of failure. In short, we must be willing to get comfortable with the discomfort involved with taking risks.Children trained in such a way do not develop fear complex that is normally comes to surface at 40.
It is very nice of you RGS to have enforced this thought through a thoughtful poem.A true guide to modern children.Thanks a lot for sharing.

Jayasala 42

PavithraS · Jun 8, 2015

Rgs - Nice write up and poem.. Enjoyed the realization..

For a child , it is never about winning or losing , just taking part and enjoying... A win or loss is just a by product not an ultimate goal.

On the other hand for adults, it is always about the result, winning or losing.. We tend to boast our victory and fear our loss.. Never enjoying anything that is done in between..

Being always a child in physical sense might be impossible , but can't we all be a child in mind forever ? I mean childlike not childish !!

Regards,

Pavithra

jskls · Jun 8, 2015

Enjoyed the poem. As a child being fearless is it's nature. I feel it's the social set-up that imparts the fear of failure which is unacceptable and hinders the thought of trying. But as we grow older and having had enough life lessons I guess the fear disappears and eagerness to try new things creeps in. Just my opinion

shyamala1234 · Jun 9, 2015

Dear rgs,
Fear of failure prevents us doing many things that we want to do. Especially if we have done something and failed.Always we want to play it safe. So, it is safer to sit back and watch life as it goes. But is that the solution to do something, atleast attempting to do No! As Viswamitra said we we have to plunge into water if we want to learn swimming. Some times passion to do something which we like to do takes the upper hand and we are in a mood..."Come whatever may...I am gong to do." That should be the spirit we have to teach to our kids. I admire your kid and his spirits! Don't discourage or draw him back...just stand behind and be there when he needs your suggestion or help.
Syamala

suryakala · Jun 9, 2015

Dear @rgsrinivasan,

After all, RGS, we realize only at that stage, it is all a game. And we are not playing.

We realize, the Great Hand plays.

We are being played.

satchitananda · Jun 9, 2015

Ah yes, RGS, the fearlessness of childhood and youth. The brashness, the dare-devilry. When does it all change? With social conditioning and learning to correlate actions with consequences, the desire to get only the 'right' consequences and inability to face failure ..... Isn't that the end of the real 'learning' process? Learning through direct experience as against learning from the experiences of others?

Let the young learn. Let them grow. Don't stop them from falling ..... and rising again. If they are hurt, be by their side with a balm of soothing words and encouragement. Let them lead their lives. Let their spirits soar to the maximum potential bestowed upon them. That is all we can do.

As for ourselves, unconditioning is a tough job. We need to keep reminding ourselves to follow our hearts without fear of the results. That is a long and hard lesson to be learnt.

rgsrinivasan · Jun 9, 2015

Viswamitra said: ↑

Dear RGS,

I call the change in our attitude from being a risk-taker to become a person with fear as a person who changed himself as one who operates to one who consults. Fear of failure becomes intense as we get older. We can consult as many books as we want but if one needs to learn various strokes in swimming, one needs to get in a pool of water.

It looks like we need to evaluate the risks better when we get into storm water at an early age but should not be afraid of shallow water when we get older. Unfortunately, fear grips us stronger as we get older. Anger comes from unfulfilled desires whereas fear comes from attachment to something we dearly value.

Viswa
Click to expand...

Thanks Viswa for yet another fantastic response and for being the first too to this post. Your last line is a gem and demands a couple of separate posts as well.
I happened to meet a relative after a long time. He is not financially stabilized, but always bears the upright attitude. Not educationally qualified much, he also had a certain eccentricity that pushed him from settling in one job. As he left for an urgent errand that day, his wife commented as a matter of fact - "When it is time to rest, he is still running! Had he utilized those early days well.....". I was stunned to hear that and could not react to that at all.

Thanks again. -rgs