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Happy Relationship With Mil? Share The Little Tips/tricks/strategies

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by alady2018, Aug 11, 2018.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    If your husband is not a momma's boy and is a reasonable person,then trust his instincts about hs family . He knows them better. Let him handle any issues and trust him if he gives a solution.
     
    Marchmommy and shravs3 like this.
  2. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I’m the wrong person to add to this thread but here are my observations:

    1) Distance in the early days of marriage is key. Had we both been under the same roof, we wouldn’t have had a relationship. For the first few years, I saw her once every two years for a few weeks. That made easing into the relationship easy.

    2) I take her shopping every trip. She loves to go shopping to town with me and I buy her whatever she wants. She loves to show everything I got for her to everyone in her place.

    3) Initially the constant hovering around my DH annoyed me. It was like constant competition with me. Slowly, I realized that it is a natural, mother of son response to the other person in son’s life. I have no idea why it’s like this but accepting it helped. I started going back to my parents place and letting mom and son bond. It really helped me.
    Now, I gladly leave son and grandkids and go home. I have fun. I drive dad’s car and dink it, I go everywhere and meet every relative with my mom and generally have a blast. My MIL enjoys time alone with her son and grandkids. I really don’t worry about bottled water/food/bug spray use/dress code regulations etc. I’m not around and it isn’t my problem. I do have to treat impetigo, lice etc each time but I really don’t stress about it.

    4) There is fierce competition with my mom for the kids affection. I realized my mom also doesn’t give up. If that grandmom keeps claiming the house goes to the grand daughter, as soon as gd gets home there will be a display/trying on grandma’s jewelry session in my house. If that GM made fish there will be three other things here. I really don’t have to bother. My mom is completely upto the challenge.

    5) Extended families play a role in my place. MIL is super close to her siblings. I’ve been in good terms with all. Love the big family. I have one too. Those little SILs are now mothers and they still behave like 3/7/10 when they see me. They do want that dress and this dupatta etc. Sharing with the girls really helped me more than it helped them. Even now we have long conversations about the trips we took them on and stuff we got for them. The extended family wholeheartly loves a new dil and that’s what helped me a lot. Mil appreciates that extra effort with the family. I learned all the above from my own bhabhi. She’s the best-est.

    6) I have a hard time controlling my tongue. I learned in all my years of being a dil that it isn’t the best trait to have. I can never think in terms of her being my own mom and dealing with her. With my own mom, I have no boundaries. That doesn’t work. Learn to be politically savvy. It helps even professionally. And that’s what son’s are there for, to deliver the message if need be. Don’t be foolish enough to not use him.


    7) Don’t call everyday and give an update on what happens in your house and not expect remarks. If you do then it’s your own fault. Don’t over share information. That’s what sisters are there for.

    8) Be financially independent. It matters. Even if you stay home, have a say in your finances and have financial freedom. I’ve seen not only my mil, even other mils treat the financially savvy and independent dil very differently.
     
    sindmani, Anisu, yellowmango and 2 others like this.
  3. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    What a wonderful parents you have, I salute them.
     
    kkrish likes this.
  4. KrishnaSri

    KrishnaSri Bronze IL'ite

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    What a wisdom, my DW does this on regular basis, for which I am on this forum, trying to understand and to be accommodative.
     
  5. kkrish

    kkrish IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you @KrishnaSri
     

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