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Happily married week

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by jmsd, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Hi I saw many women posting and reposting this status on Facebook

    ‎"HAPPILY MARRIED WEEK" - If your spouse is still your best friend, works extremely hard, has been with you through triumphs and tragedies, who loves you when you are at your worst, and at your best, whom you are PROUD to be married to, post this as your status followed by the year you got married:

    It puts a smile on my face to see that people are happy and in love with their spouses,but there's another thought too.
    All these statuses and all those lovey dovey romantic pictures of couples at social networking sites do not match the frequency with which we(all) discuss our marital problems on forums like IL.
    If everybody is happy happy then what is this rant about disappointments from spouses or is it that stuff put at social networking sites is different from sites like IL.
     
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  2. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I think there is a very fundamental difference. IL is here for people to come and share their lives and issues with other women and to seek solutions. There is a certain comfort in anonymity and people feel free to share their problems. It is a relatively closed community. I use this word "community" as there is a feeling of community on the site.

    As against this, FB is a relatively open forum which can easily be hacked and no one wants to put their problems out for public display on a forum that is so accessible to friends and relatives. I don't know about others who may differ in their perspective, but personally I find it quite superficial. It is alright to share a "hi, how are you" or "we just got back from a holiday in the maldives" etc.

    Just my point of view.
     
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  3. pman16

    pman16 Platinum IL'ite

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    There are 2 sets of people in this www.
     
  4. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Jmsd..

    Hence my stand that ...IL rel-forum is not a true reflection of the real world.
    Not all men are pig-headed,not all inlaws out to get you and not all women are damsels in distress.
    Marriage is not a death bell for love. People actually marry for and stay in love...long after their hair ( what little of it is left)turns gray.

    Satchi ...anonymity has its advantages when the problem is real and if u use it right.
    Anonymous forums also provide a cover for the con artists and the deluded....for it provides people with a venue to create a story that can never be validated and feed into the negativity.
    One cannot lie in FB /or in the real world..I cannot project/
    fabricate 'my' version of a story conveniently forgetting to talk about the missing part of a giant puzzle.
    Unlike on IL ,for the people in my FB the omission is glaring.
     
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  5. anonymou

    anonymou Silver IL'ite

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    I believe there are two reasons.
    1. Naturally, this forum is not representative sample set of married people. People who are unhappy/unsatisfied/having problems are much more likely to search for forum to discuss relationship issue.
    2. People behave differently anonymously versus in community of known people.
     
  6. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    FB and social networking site has your real name, details and face attached to your account. No one will come out and confess all these things when your real identity can be spotted. IL forum does not have this requirement. This is the only reason for such a difference in behavior, in my opinion. As for the ppl posting, I think same set of ppl are posting in both places :p Or at least there is a significant overlap in ppl posting at both places.
     
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  7. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    There are different kinds of people - happily married, un-happily married, happily single, happily committed, un-happily separated, and the list goes on. IL-rel forum is not a sample of happy/unhappy marriages.
    Also lovey-dovey status messages on FB, according to me is total crap! Well, you dont need FB to tell ur partner, "Aww, I miss u baby"!! Either ways, sample of happy marriages cannot be taken from FB/IL-rel.
     
  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    :thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup

    I absolutely agree with you. It has become a total showing-off-for-others-benefit, and strictly-for-show place. This is actually the main reason why I no longer post much on FB.

    Anyway didn't mean to divert. Carry on.
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    JSMD,

    I am not on facebook and i also hate the status that show their whereabouts upto the restrooms...

    Why is there a pessimistic view about a happy married life. do you believe every person who comes to il is a sad soul. i can definitely show many of them who are happily married..but yeah i have a but..the definition of happily differs from person to person..

    i just wanted to write here, that there i am one of those happily married..and can say yes to every word of that status.

    I am married to my friend, who is still my best friend, who has been with me for the past 20 years and 18 years of marriage (we celebrate our anniversary the day after tommorrow), he has been with all my highs and lows, and will be the first person to give credit for everything i deserve and more. he has been with me through all the highs and downs and i hope and believe my spouse will say the same about this status....well let me not write anything more...touchwood.

    Regarding the comparision between fb and il, it is already discussed, and i have nothing more to add.
     
  10. satchitananda

    satchitananda Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi JAG and SSC,

    Totally agree with you on those points - viz. IL is not a statistically representative sample of real society, that facts can be fudged by people who have not much to do with their time and that FB status messages are crazy.

    Having said which, I would still say at least 60-70% of the people who come on IL with their problems are genuine. This is my gut feeling. The true picture of society may be skewed because people with happy lives are not going to come here to talk about it - they would consider their lives to be normal. It is precisely the people with problems who are going to come here for support or to vent.

    Whether it be for the genuine people or for the ones who make much ado about nothing or give a lopsided picture, the anonymity on IL still provides a cover which is not available on FB. So the hunky dory picture on FB would also have the same limitation - i.e. some are genuine, other stories of "living happily ever after" are a cover up.
     

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