Handling Negativity

Listen to her but do not argue with her. A simple 'hmm' in the discussion suffices. But do what you plan to do. Try not to indulge her in personal decision making.
Keep calm during the discussions, give her the impression as if she is being treated like a three year old kid , who we listen for the sake of listening but ultimately do what we have to do. Do not tell her your plans and ideas if she does not respect them. Just listen to her and end discussions with a 'hmm'. IF she has even a little self respect she will back off.

 

Hi, I understand your condition. I'm in a similar situation and do not know what to do as well. But I can tell u something that I try. I try to ignore her words completely, which is very annoying but at least avoids and argument. and I have singed up for yoga and dance classes. I do painting, drawing, stitching, anything that keeps my mind occupied from the unnecessary drama around the house.
I sometimes feel the younger generation are way more mature than elderly people. But, hope this helps in a small way at least.

 

Really? On the contrary all we seem to hear and read (on FB) is how the young generation is selfish/restless/immature and how people were so much better back in the "good old days" ....

Wasn't there a Socrates quote on this?

 

Wasn't there a Socrates quote on this?[/QUOTE]

Well I'm not sure of the quote, neither do I generalize. But things change and people need to adapt. But most parents/grandparents don't like to accept change. They want to stick to their traditional ways which wont work the same always. Who know when we grow older how things change and how we adapt to it. But being open to change and accepting it is what matters more.

 

Listen to what she says, obeying is upto u.. final decision should be yours.. smile at her often... (Oops dont make her feel u r making fun of her).
Concentrate on ur self... Enjoy every minute.. listen to music... Sing ur favorite songs... Gardening. , Cooking new recipes , sewing , all these brings positivity and clears ur mind.. thinking too much of arguments / fights during free time welcomes negativity..

 

Hi,

I know its hard, but try to assume how you would react had it been your mother. Think of the good things that she had done for you, there must be at-least a few . Dont react at once; during the argument try to keep your cool and think about it after you cool down a bit, because when we are angry, we tend to be irrational sometimes. You wouldn't have to take tension if you have a supportive husband. And as everyone else has told, agree with her with a "hmm" and dont drag the argument and finally do whatever is right.

 

I have found the best thing that works for me is my surprised face and for every thing she says which is illogical my answer is "wow" "really" "interesting"

 

I try this with all difficult relatives :

Information is power Keep her out of the loop wherever/whenever you can - not as an aggressive act. But share only on a absolutely-need-to-know basis.
Arguing for the sake of winning is futile - unless both parties are willing to see the other's view ( in other words , discussions are productive). So, donot engage in arguments. Practise being tactful/polite.
If and when you need to say your piece, try your best to make it as neutral /drama free as possible ( practise before hand, if that is an option). If you see that it is leading to an argument/drama , again do not engage and end it politlely : 'I just wanted you to know , this was my reason/expectation . Its ok if you do not agree with it'

You might lose it every now and then - just start again. Praise yourself everytime you like what you did !

 

How to deal with negativity? Answer : by being positive.
First, realize she is your MIL not your mother, she knows you only after marriage. Also, you are not her daughter , but will remain only as DIL, even if you do everything. Understand this difference and always maintain a safe distance like we deal with strangers. Be polite and respectful.
When people get older, many thinks they are only right and others don't know anything.. they want recognition and respect.

Think well, and talk
Whenever she suggest something, just think, is it acceptable to you. If so, if your mom say the same thing ,how you respond?If there is something you agree , obey...say ok, yeah,.. hmmm ... you right mom...etc..
If you don't agree...then really?, I didnt know.. is that so etc... add suitable facial expressions...if you can't take more find an excuse and escape from scene...smiling many things off and neglecting and keeping mum even when you want to react are the key to success..

If you find something good in her, for example, she cooked a tasty dish. Or a new sari suits her etc... tell her that. Ask your doubts as if you are going to learn from her.I noticed that women like happiness of small-things ( my MIL likes it). Even if you don't want simply ask her suggestions like she is the boss..

Always, try to think in her shoes too... if you can, try to find positive aspects in every thing instead of finding faults of MILS like many do..
Always remember whatever they are , they are your dh's parents...so a reasonably good relationship between you two make your dh happy and eventually bring peace in your life.. if you can,pl don't complain to your Dh about his parents, it will backfire.. ( most men don't like it). Same way, talk about only good things of your family to in-laws.

If you strongly disagree with someone trying to sit on your head, don't quarrel with in laws instead try to convince your dh and let him speak for you..

If she behaves well to you , consider it as a bonus and don't expect much from her. Always be a good human being.
Finally, do whatever you want.. but create an impression that you value them much..

Learn to ignore and neglect useless things that don't have any direct effect on your life or comfort

Also congratulate you for being a good DIL. Try to smile inside ..and see a funny element in these things... in the mean time focus on your life well.. stay positive.good luck

I got good PILs,.. so I dont have experience dealing with very bad people.. but I think your MIL is reasonable from what you have written ...so try all diplomatic steps to maintain positive energy in your life..