Handling Jealousy With Siblings

Dear @mangaii what you are going through is hard but not that uncommon. We are all but human.
I read this a long time ago and book marked it .
Hope it helps. In a nutshell unlike all other sources of envy u cannot distance urself from your sibling in an act of self-preservation which is probably why u are torn. Focus on what binds u both rather than the economic differences which are creating this gulf.

 

Though I have not siblings , even I tend to compare with my cousins or friends . That is human nature.

Sometimes I feel so depressed that I feel everyone I know is living better than me which may not be true . Especially these posts in Facebook make me even more jealous make me wonder what am I doing in life ?

So recently what I did is I started feeling jealous on XYZ friend . That person keeps uploading pics of various trips , keeps buying expensive stuff , every weekend one trip and checkin update is expected .
So I unfollowed that persons posts in FB so that I no longer can see that particular posts from that person unless I go directly to that profile.
But in reality , recently I got to know tat person is struggling with few things in real life .

So best way is to maintain some distance from people whom you feel jealous about.
Since it’s your sis you cannot completely distance her , you can instead reduce the interaction or focus on something else !


15 Ways To Show Yourself Gratitude (And Why It Matters)

 

@mangaii
I am sharing what worked for me.

The nature of the family I was born to and married into are two opposite ends. My parents are a dysfunctional couple (I blame my mother for it) and growing up in that house was no fun. Luckily I got married into a safe and good natured family.
Now comes the problem I created for myself. I started harboring jealousy over my sis in law because her parents take care of all her needs. Jealousy might have been in the corner of my heart but we shared a good relationship and she is an angel and I would always try to convince myself she deserves her parents full love and support. But didn't work always. Very recently I expressed my feelings to my sis in law that I tend to compare her family and mine and I have always felt the competition in me. Talking this out with her lifted the burden off my chest and I didn't feel like I am a bad person anymore. Now am able to accept what she has got and wish her more. We didn't fight over this because we both understood each other.

Have you expressed yourself to her? We feel jealous because we essentially missed out on something and others have it. Figure out what you're jealous about, Material or Emotional? If it's material, you can't do much about it and you can get over it with a great emotional bonding with her. If emotional binding is missing, pour your heart out to her. You might get some relief even if she doesn't understand you.

If nothing works, you must learn to accept and you will one day. Dont worry. My mother and I have zero conversations nowadays and it doesn't affect me at all. But I got the liberated feeling only after I told her how her behaviour affected me. But she didn't give a damn and continued to defend her. I realized she wouldn't change but I felt better at the end.

I don't know what I shared will work for you just wanted to lend you a support. Good luck. You will be fine.

 

It's grea that you are acknowledging and introspecting . Our quality of life is defined by our intellect, values and freedom, not by wealth .

If u develop passion for reading and all issues , u over come the inferiority complex . U will have more substantial things to talk to her , than hearing about her latest gold set or holiday .

If u focus on fitness or u take up a hobby like trekking , painting , dance u will get a feeling of accomplishment and inspire others .Thanks to internet , even a busy mother can learn many things at her own pace and time.

Doing a bit for ur maid , then u will be thinking of how ur wealth can help others instead of how much wealth life gave u . How much respect, empathy , freedom and equality ur husband gives u is more valuable the wealth .

Ur life becomes more fulfilling & u don't compare with others . A talented person is always respected more than a wealthy one .

 

God has given us what is good for us. There is no use feeling jealous because of which we will be unhappy and spoil our relationship.

We are two sisters and three brothers. Compared to them I am leading a simple life because my husband is very economic and his family is a bug family.

My sister's husband was working in Air India and my sister was also a working woman .My sister is a very simple woman and never expected luxurious life. In the beginning they also struggled but later living a luxurious life. Her son and Dil are holding big position and have a big house with all facilities, servants to take care. But in old age both my sister and brother in law having health problems

I have never been jealous of my sister, in fact happy that she has all the facilities. I learnt from my husband to lead a simple and contented let me. God has given us what is necessary for us.

 

@mangaii

This article shared by JAG covers it! JAG, invaluable. Thank you.

 

@mangaii , that you can see this jealousy side of you and you want to do something to get out only shows that you are way better human than me. Few would acknowledge such irrational negative feelings , far less see it themselves.

I have found myself in such a situation once. Found it very hard to accept , found it hard that I was turning into a horrible person . And my rational mind struggled to fight and over come this "Mr.Hyde" me. And I had to hit a low before I realised that it was the other way round - my rational mind had to acknowledge me, and accept me, without judgement. There are no "good" feelings or "bad" feelings. Self love is not narcissism , it is looking at your warts and saying with a shrug, so what its still meee. If you cant be honest with yourself, if you cant fully love yourself, who will?

Respect your feelings. Often that means giving yourself some space. If you have to connect less often, then do that.Talk to her when you are more composed, and you have some work after the call - so you dont dwell on her too much. And if the negative thoughts / hatred, yes hatred , you feel for your sis is too much, a longer break may be good. Tell your rational mind to give space. Heal yourself first, your sister can wait.

I sense a feel of disappointment in you, that your sis doesnt even understand your problem , that she expects you to be happy for her, but doesnt reciprocate by thinking how things are with you. Is she the youngest sibling? We younger siblings have this tendency - we have been cared for so long that we cant often see beyond our nose - and we tend to be like self centered teens way into adulthood, because life didnt give us much chance to worry about others, and those around us loved us too much to tell us that we were such retards. Forgive your sister.

But most importantly forgive yourself , every time your negative feelings take hold. It will get better.

Oh, we all feel this at some point with friends.
This scene from 3 idiots brings a smile because it is so true. the comment at 1:30 about human behaviour is spot on.

 

Your good you have realized your being jealous of sister.
There are 1000s of brothers , sisters not to mention cousins , friends who are jealous and don't realize it all.
As many said limit call duration, never ask or raise topics related to monetary aspect.
For eg she says bought a solitaire diamond set, just reply good nice, never ask how much or if sister voltantarily says so much $
Don't take in mind. It's definitely easier to say, tough on the spot.
One thing I understood after my bro n sister got married is - family means your DH and kids no one else. I always kept parents and siblings in first place than my DH. Of late understood only your DH n kids matter most and of course parents not siblings.
My bro, didn't inform me about for his housewarming, till day before. I was at my parents place post child birth. To my parents also he said not to tell me because I didn't have my own house till then, I might be jealous. That day I felt so low and bad. Still remember the bitterness. Why I would be jealous ? I never understood. From then I decided to keep distance from bro. Just formal talks. that old bhai-behan ties were over.
Keep cordial relationships nothing else.