Handling Jealousy With Siblings

I have seen that this is normal these days between siblings once they grow up/get married. You are just measuring luck based on money right now. Am sure there might be some certain other factors where you are lucky than her and deep down even she is feeling that. Me and bro always discuss in what areas we differ and how lucky he is in terms of somethings he got from life and how lucky I am in areas where he is not.

 

Dear @mangaii ,

I am no good at relationship advice but two things popped up in my head as I read your post and I decided to put it out.

1. It is awesome that you are aware of your feelings. Now you need to figure out how to work these out.
2. One way to look at it is to be thankful for what you have and accepting that all of us have different levels of prosperity/luck/success whatever you want to name it - I know rhetorical and repetitive but once you truly feel, you will see the difference. Now I don't know how to help you get there.
Focusing on what you have, how far you have come and celebrating that will help you in many ways.

Instead of thinking of yourself as suffering, may be if you see it as another challenge that you tackled well, it may help and then of course there is this spiritual way of looking at things - we all have made the choices we have, to learn the lessons we want to learn in this lifetime.

As far as I see, contentment in yourself will help you deal with these feelings better.

PS: I know I am not of much help but it is because it is you @mangaii , I chose to respond. I have no doubt you will have better responses. That said, it still makes me smile that you are accepting your feelings and want to work on them! Tells me you are such a good person. You will find a way. Hang in there and best wishes.

 

Start writing blessings journal every day. It really helped me when I went through a rough patch a year back.

 

Dear @mangaii.

These feelings are natural, just acknowledge them. Everybody feels it. Comparisons between siblings and friends is again a common emotion. The difference is in whether they encourage it or not. Being aware of it is the first step and you have already covered it. Jealousy can only fill you with negative thoughts and it strangles your positivity and creativity. Your cortisol levels rise and you will suffer health issues! Losses all the way! It is not good.

Rationalise it. It is something like a mental debate with 2 teams. Once you know your positives and negatives, your blessings and bad luck, and how things changed in terms of their significance over a period of time in the past, you will gain mental clarity.

If you want to actively tackle the issue, count your blessings, be appreciative of your merits and achievements. There is a quote, 'God gives troubles to those who have the capacity to tackle it.' So congrats; you are a capable person.
Nix the feelings of jealousy, negativity and self-pity. This changed attitude or paradigm changes your responses too. This too shall pass. Be actively positive.

Most often you would realise whatever happens in one's life is with a purpose and many issues are predestined. You would also realise that nobody is blessed with all and there will always be something missing in any one's life and that is the way it is. Accept the Karma theory, you will settle down. This is more of philosophical way of tackling.

All ILites are already winners; we help each other.

 

Limit the duration of the phone call gradually from 30 mins to 20 mins and so on. Deliberately try to steer the conversations to what you read recently, discussing what songs you heard which give very little room to discuss what trips she might have taken recently or what new things she bought or how much money her family has accumulated versus yours etc

When your conversation dominates materialistic acquisition than hobbies or pastime activities, the comparison could creep but if you make it a point to discuss very general things, slowly you will appreciate these calls than feeling resentment.

 

Dear @mangaii ,

hugs to you. This too shall pass and you are getting some awesome suggestions here - see what works and may be you can try different suggestions at different times. The goal is you. You are doing this for your self.

There here really touched me. I know you are trying hard - you will get there. Trust!

Thinking Positive had some questions on how to deal with negative feelings and I had also responded with a few suggestions Thinking Positive

I think the first thing is decide how you want to deal with your sister and her phone calls and two is how to work with your own thought process.

 

The meditation technique of watching, non-judgemental labeling, and letting-go works!

Next time envy creeps in, notice it. Tell yourself, "Hmmm... here's that green-eyed monster again! Interesting!"; acknowledge it, pay attention to any physical responses it engenders (a tightness in the stomach? Breathlessness? A sinking feeling? Whatever). Then let it go. Notice, label, acknowledge without judging the thought as unwelcome or yourself as bad, let go. Notice, label, acknowledge, let go. That's it. Soon you will see that thoughts arise, persist for a while, and then disappear, as do the physical sensations that accompany them. You don't have to get attached to any of it. They are just thoughts and feelings. They have no real content. Just vaporware. This is one aspect of the 'Maya' that our scriptures talk so much about, advising us to pierce the veil of illusion.