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H/ Roommate? Please Help Me To Understand

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Ineedhelp1, Oct 20, 2017.

  1. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for the link.

    I agree , I don't know what will happen in my case but at least hopefully I can know what is going on in my life. Right now I feel I am a fool. I don't know if should I ignore ,fight , feel sympathy for him ( sometime I wonder after hurting me this much ,how can I still care that person but again I don't have answer for anything! )

    So I will give my last try.

    @lavani thank you so much for replying.
     
  2. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    .

    Sorry my post gave you confusion. Once I discussed some of the problems with my English friend she suggested me it will be good if I can find any Indian counselor. "They will be able to understand your background and relate easily". ( But I agree it was not about sex issue) .
     
  3. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    The point is I get comments from my girls acquaintance " he is so romantic , you are dry " type comments. I feel so irritated , I only knows how he behave so differently insdie the house.
     
  4. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for reply. It gives me much clarity .

    100,% correct he kept quite when his parents spread the rumors . He was literally hiding behind me.

    Yes I have kept that task for me too. After reading all these replyies it gives me some courage and clarity what should I do. As my last try I will go for counseling. I deserve a better me.
     
  5. ashneys

    ashneys Gold IL'ite

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    This sounds kind of similar to one of my friend's situation. Things you mentioned matches hers too, like divorce talks, intimacy issues, hiding behind the wife, will never want to divorce due to the family, society n also due to loneliness, n they live in a different country so they only have each other to care for the other, etc.

    In her case, the problem was that he's still in love with his ex girl friend. They have been married longer than you are, n the problem still exists.

    He had pics with his ex gf being close to each other n all, but even if there's a similar pix with his wife, you will be able to see a clear difference in terms of feelings n expressions.

    Have heard from old friends about how close n romantic they both were during their relationship. But he was never able to get over her n in turn, never developed romantic or intimate feelings with the wife. Even their honeymoon was a sham. Looks like he lost a part of himself when he lost that relationship. But he will never accept or acknowledge. I think there is love now for his wife, but romance n intimacy is almost non existent in their life. They live like friends / room mates.

    Not saying it maybe the same thing for you, but after reading your post wanted to share this story as I saw the same character traits. Just another angle to this.
     
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  6. DDream

    DDream Gold IL'ite

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    These kind of men should not marry. When they have an option to spend their life thinking about their ex or worshipping their p***s or in hiding their capabilities as a man/husband, they opted for spoiling the life of innocent girls for whatever reason. They want comfort of family, kids and service of wife or free maid, while they can't perform as a husband.

    It is a selfish decision to prove the society that he is perfect as a man. It is cheating. They act as a charming man in front of other women and society. The poor girl only knows the truth and is punished for his fault. Unfortunately, she became a victim.

    To be frank, I can't imagine how one can spend rest of one's life ( another 50 or more years) as a room mate.. How stressful it is.
    I find it difficult to live that way even for a few week's ( example, over some confusion/ fight ). OP, he is lucky to have you.
    Next time if he make fun of your attempts, hit verbally by making fun of him. Let him also get a taste if it.

    Most of the time women tolerate for family, to maintain peace in home etc, but people take it for granted. I believe, you deserve more intimacy, hug or kisses or even touch ,that at least make you emotionally happy. Even if his "thing " don't work, he can make you satisfied in many ways. I am you know what I meant.. 9yrs is a long period. Are you ready to live this way another 50years.. you need to give him a clear idea that you are unhappy, unsatisfied because of him.
    Anyway, your happiness is in your hands, try to find ways to make you happy if you continue in this life. ( there are many old posts,with similar topic in IL forum)
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2017
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  7. YoGirl

    YoGirl Gold IL'ite

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    OP
    There are other ways to have/initiate sex like foreplay and using toys.. does he atleast show interest in making you happy that way? Slap him next time when he laughs while you initiate it..
     
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  8. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you @ashneys for sharing the story.
     
  9. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    @DDream I asked him that question why did you marry me? He just needed someone to hide behind and he used me.

    I got married at very young age and not sure which is correct and which is wrong. It is a long long story. Sometime I wonder why I am living like this. Only one answer. I don't have courage to do suicide. If there at least one person to support me I must have come out of marriage. But even when I went to depression for weeks, my phone was silent. There was no one to call and check up on me. "Out of sight is out of mind is the policy towards me for parents".

    I hate him to the core, I hate his touch now. I used to initiate that was long long back. In the starting of marriage. I stopped it very long back. Every time after fight he does wonders. He help me with everything in the house and kisses hugs etc. but for one week. Maximum two week. Then I have to do all this drama again.

    Now I reached a point then we can live officially like roommates. I don't want him to share our bed room. (Else I am ready to go out of bedroom)Then he is getting irritated. I kind of started living like a single mom. Now a days I take photos with me and my baby. Intimacy, hugs and kisses. It is all out question for me. I kind of got used to it. Some days I feel bad and sad. Then I kind of try to deviate myself. Even when I am 9 months pregnant he was not ready to take photos with me!

    I failed to understand what his problem is. One thing I am sure this is not normal. But what is he? Only he knows. He will never ever open his mouth/feelings anything towards me. He agreed to go to counselor but I am sure he will not be sincere there. He will fake all the drama again. He never want to get out of his comfort zone.

    Thank you for listening to me. I feel at least I have someone to heard.
     
  10. Ineedhelp1

    Ineedhelp1 Senior IL'ite

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    @YoGirl Thank you for your reply. I don't know about all those stuffs and never ever discussed any such kinds with him. It is not just intimacy I miss that "wanted" feeling . I am like a maid in this house. There was never golden or era or honey moon stage in my marriage. He behave like this marriage happen for my sake!

    I am being more and more independent. He wants money but I am not suppose to work. He hates when I get appreciation or promotion. Sometimes I wonder if it is his ego is all behind this drama.? One way thank god for his ego. That is the only thing to make sure he is a "man".
     

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