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Growing up twin girls - suggestions please

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by sonia, Apr 21, 2006.

  1. sonia

    sonia Bronze IL'ite

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    hi all IL

    i m confused rg one problem.so thought to share wd u all.plz post ur suggestions.....

    my s-i-l(bro's wife)is having twins daughter.my bhabhi is workin woman.when her twins were born,her mother asked her to take care of one of these.now one of these twins is at her granny's home.she is now almost 3yrs.

    Now shd my bhabhi take d baby back to her home or let d baby at her granny's home?baby's grand parents will b old gradually.will they b able to take care of baby in future?

    i think now my bhabhi can take care of baby as baby will go to scl now.my bhabhi is thinking to take d baby back after her parents will b old.but will baby b able to adjust her wd her parents(she will b young then)?

    acc. to me she shd take back d baby.yes ,her granny will miss her but i think slowly everything will go to right way.

    what u all suggests.....
    waitng ur response
    sonia
     
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  2. ridhi23

    ridhi23 New IL'ite

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    Its a very unique situation that you have described. Personally i have never heard of anysuch thing!! I mean both the girls are hers right? Then why this differentiation. Wouldnt the girl with the granny terribly miss her mom.. trust me, no one can take place of a mother in a child's life..right from the time we are born. Also she is depriving the kids of each other...the girls are sisters for god's sake! Is it that she loves one of them more than the other and has kept her and given away the other one?? Trust me, this is what the girl will feel when she grows up!! Both the girls should be treated equally. If she values her work more than kids (which is evident here) she can engage in day care for the twins rather than doing such an unmotherly thing... Im sorry for being harsh but these are my true feelings about this..

    Ridhima
     
  3. rathi

    rathi Bronze IL'ite

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    I have different suggestions

    Hi Sonia,

    In your message you mentioned one girl was with her grand parents and the other one with her mom (your s-i-l). So how did your s-i-l manage taking care of one girl while she is working? Did she put her in day care?

    Now that both the girls are 3 years old and ready to go to school, I would suggest the following:

    1. Let your s-i-l get both the girls with her, put them in school and in the evening till she gets back from work, may be put them in a creche for the few hours in the evening. If you s-i-l can come early before the girls are back from school, well and good.
    This might be a little stressful for you s-i-l with 2 small girls, work and other things at home. But your brother can help her, so that both their little girls grow together.

    2. Alternately, if your s-i-l's parents can come and stay with your s-i-l that is even more good. They can take care of the two girls when their mother is gone to work and then your s-i-l and brother are there for them. This way the grandparents also would not miss their grand daughters.

    Being twins they would need to be more attached growing together. Also, won't the parents like to see their twin daughters grow together and enjoy those wonderful momements with the little ones?

    I know one my friend who grew up with his grandmother. Now he is married and has his own son. But till date he is more attached to the grandmother and does not feel much for his mother. It is pathetic for a mother to see a son / daughter be so detached from them emotionally at a later stage.

    Good luck to your s-i-l and her girls.

    Lots of love,
    Rathi
     
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  4. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    As Ridhi said,even I feel like using harsh words towards your SIL and brother too.

    I just don't understand how it is possible for a mother to be away from her own child.I really like to know the mindset of such people.

    Also,how was it possible for her to take care of one child and not the other.Looks like some agreement to me-if it is only 1 child,I will take care,if 2 then we will share! but share with whom-with the grandparents!!!

    Sometimes,I feel like asking only one question to such parents-who is responsible for bringing the children to this Earth...sounds really bad if I put it this way..but they do everything,have a child and then dump it on the poor old people:evil:

    I think now your SIL is just shirking her responsibilities...now she is so used to being with one child that the thought of having to take care of the other one itself is too much for her..I can only pity the other child.
     
  5. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    let us be practical...

    my sister's sis in law had triplets all girls and they have had a tough time so they had given one of them to my sis and as the child started becoming very very attached to my sis they took her away....but in practicality it is better to employ a servant along with one member that is father or someone like them either the parents of the mother or father should come over and try as much as possible to keep all together as it is very very distressing for the child to come to terms with new face and surroundings....and the smaller the age while transfer is better other wise the children become tantramatic for life...regards..sunkan
     
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  6. Varloo

    Varloo Gold IL'ite

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    Pathetic

    I think the other child is unlucky. The mother should have brought up both the kids togeher. Atleast now she should bring the other kid home. It is not fair to show partiality towards one's children. It would have been wonderful to bring up both the girls together. Ask your bhabi to enjoy her twindaughters well.
    Only in films we can see children having a bond with their unseen mother and vice versa. In reality, people tend to be affectionate and loving towards the person who brought them up rather than gave birth. And when the two girls are together, the mother may become more attached towards the daughter she brought up or the other way around. She should be fair and love them equally now.This is to avoid any unpleasantness in later life.
    All the best to her.
    With warm wishes,
    varloo
     
  7. purnima_2k

    purnima_2k Senior IL'ite

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    i agree with the junta!

    Hi

    It is a terrible thing that your sil has done ( or rather forced to do?), are they so financially down that she has to work? couldnt she stay and take care of both of them till they are fairly big , say 2 to 2.5 years? I dont have a sister and i always wished i had one.I would love to have a twin. Imagine, snatching away that pleasure by the mother. Once they grow big, that sudden bonding wont come. PLs ask your sis in law to change her mind immediately and do something sensible considering the future of her children.

    Regards,
    Purnima
     
  8. safa

    safa Bronze IL'ite

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    sonia,

    please tell your sis in l to bring back the child as soon as possible...how sad to hear that she left one child with grand parents,even though they are healthy to look after her..
    i can't imagine leaving my children in this age..bring that girl home let them grow together and give them all of her love..........MOTHER'S LOVE !
    if she didn't she will regret later...
    love, safa.
     
  9. Surya

    Surya Senior IL'ite

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    hi all,

    i read all the posts in this thread and iam wondering what is there in leaving
    a baby with grandparents for some years....bcoz my sister is having twin girls..
    she is also a working women.....her MIL is with her...but her MIL was not able
    to takecare of both the babies....so she left one baby with my mom....
    after 3 yrs(preschool age), she took back the girl with her

    sonia...ask your bhabi to take back the kid home with her..bcoz it is right time...
    if some more years she leaves the kid with grand parents... then it will become
    difficult for the kid to leave the grandparents....

    regards,
    surya.
     
  10. sonia

    sonia Bronze IL'ite

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    growing up twin girls

    hi all

    thanks very much to u all for ur suggestions.
    i m also agree with u all.i will suggest my bhabhi to take d girl back.
    thanks once again.

    sonia
     

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