What is truly needed for a person to identify and get out of or a toxic relationship? Everyone has choices. We get to decide who we should and should not allow in our minds, in our circle of inner peace. But most people seem to live in a struggling state than move on. What is stopping a person from moving on? Why is it so hard especially for women to take a step forward? I am starting this as a general awareness thread. It could help anyone who is in a tough situation and doesn't know it or doesn't know how to come out of it. Please share your thoughts.
I will add one from my side: Being honest with self and accepting the relationship is not working instead of trying repeatedly.
There will a phase when your patience would have vaporised, that time you would a volcano, no matter what happens. Well, that time everything will fall into place.
The stupid emotions and sentiments which prevent women from making any rational decision. Women will chose to adjust and tolerate and lose all their innocence in this process. But there will be a time when they could no longer tolerate. That's when they realize these stupid emotions and sentiments are not worthy enough in this materialistic world. So they make a rational decision and even succeed in it. Sadly by that time they make a decision, they would have lost all their positivity, coolness, sanity and have become almost an evil minded with so much negativity. The negativity which they bear throughout a toxic relationship is not something cool. That's what most of our MILs are evils. Their own lost sanity and disappointment would have made them an evil, who could not withstand another woman's happiness.
Along with other stuff discussed already, dependencies play a big role too. 1. in case of marriage relation relationship, Financial, is one big thing, even with women working, no experience of financial managing at parents home or in their homes, and not enough to manage kids financial stuff, small towns dont give much opportunities to grow, for ambitious women, with small kids managing home, kids , stuck in traffic of big cities for hours, they may not be getting time and energy to grow much in jobs. 2. in case of marriage relation relationship, afraid of Society, as it is judging type. 3. fear of failure and fear of going out of that comfort zone, and lack of strong will to plan about their own life, 4. In other relationships also, if you move on people people will judge, comment and make you bad person, so to be in good books of general people, trying for sympathy, instead of fixing it, which needs lot of strong will . 5. Emotionally dependence on parents or spouse or children(in case of adult kids, ex: MIL) stops from moving on
for me I have had a series of toxic relationships and then I asked myself"why do I attract such people?" then I understood!the PROBLEM LIES WITH ME. It is not about attitude but NOT BEING YOURSELF.YOU NEED TO ALWAYS BE WHO YOU ARE AS LONG AS YOU DO NOT HURT OTHERS. I used to try to please the other person,act hep,try too hard in maintaing friends and relations and what did I get? NOTHING. Now,i do not try.I AM MYSELF.i go with the flow and i realised that i do not tolerate any toxicity and without my knowledge now my circle is surrounded by people with whom I am comfortable with! Even if there are lonely times,I DO NOT GO BEHIND TOXIC PEOPLE TO CURE MY LONELINESS.I DO THINGS WHICH I AM PASSIONATE ABOUT.LIFE HAS NEVER BEEN SO BEAUTIFUL! Now,I am happier,more confident and am attracting the right people in my life. One has to realize the need to be oneself,and not go behind others because they are richer or hep or whatever reason.EVERYTHING ELSE IS FALL IN PLACE
I am educated and financially independent but what made me to stay [some of these may hold good only for me because of my nature]:- 1. There were some good times and false promises which made me thought things would change 2. Fear of how bad life would be when I come out of this 3. Fear of facing society and future 4. Thought forgiving will make people realize guilt and change [May be, i should have lived in Christ's time] 5. Yielded in so much that i lost myself 6. Fear to take the first step 7. Guilt feeling [did not take the step to leave or complaint because of the few good times] 8. So much of stress that I could not even think what is right and what is wrong. 9. Sometimes i felt i may be wrong because he was/is good to everyone else. I was thinking how i should change me 10. i was charged with fault always that i even started thinking what is wrong with me[ if he hit me, its my mistake that i did something to make him hit. if he stayed out of home for long hours, its because i dont talk to him properly - i did not talk well because i was so afraid. if i was abused, its because i am provoking him and it goes on.. ] Finally, i thought we are a family and he is a part and parcel of my life. I felt like exposing myself if i exposed him. I felt like punishing myself if he is punished. [How foolish i was ]
