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Going crazy with the my teenage son having Dyslexia and ADD

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by helplessmom, Nov 23, 2013.

  1. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP, read your post. First of all, remember that God gives challenges to only those who can handle them. So please consider that God thinks of you to be special.

    My friend has a son who is 20 years old. He has autism. I shared your post to her and she told me about her son and her journey. I have paraphrased her talk here.

    She said first of all she loves her son very much and tells her son everyday through out the day. This gives her son confidence. Her son has beaten her as well her DH multiple times but neither have raised their hand on the son. She takes care of all the needs of her son like cooking what he likes, doing his laundry, bed, room cleaning etc. They have tried everything - individual therapy (About Michelle Garcia Winner), homeopathy (The Palo Alto Center for Homeopathy), psychiatrist (Stanford Hospital), Gluten free diet, Magnesium therapy, Niacin therapy. etc. Nothing has showed significant improvement but collectively over the years, there has been remarkable improvement. Currently her son is studying at UC Berkeley. Right from the beginning, they had tutors helping her son with the studies.

    However, there are days when he is stressed out and behaves badly. Those days needs to be handled calmly and patiently.

    Maybe if possible, see if you all can relocate to a different country. US has much better help on people with mental disorders. They have special day classes and much needed cooperation in schools and colleges. Also, do not criminalize your son. Your son gets tough treatment outside, at home he should always receive love and care to build his confidence. Make sure that your son takes anti anxiety and anti depression medicines (Psychiatrist may able to prescribe them).

    Hope this helps. Please inform me if you have questions for her and i will ask her. I have asked her to join IL as well. Lets see.
     
  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    The principal at kumar rani muthaiah school kotturpuram, is very accomodating and understanding is what i was told. why don't you give that a shot.

    Sai, i believe, your nephew's behavorial issues, frustations and the pent up anger that he is holding, and all his emotional outbursts need to be addressed and channelised, and as i mentioned earlier, it is not just enquiring from sources alone, go to the school, check it out and feel in your gut. sometimes the feedbacks from others are based on just their experiences, it is influenced by their expectations, their frustrations and their ward's performance, which may or may not be the 100% perfect feedback. this holds not just for special schools but for the regular schools. i can guarantee you that out of 10 parents feedback not more than 20% will be the same.
    don't look at just schools. look at avenues where he can be allowed to explore and find that one thing he is going to excel (I am sure there is something there). do check out rasa and the youth empowerment program in vidyasagar. i don't say they are 100% good. but checking them out.

    all of you need that peace of mind that you are helping him and also that you are moving in the right direction (That should be a major cause of helplessness added to the guilt that what she is doing may not be enough)instead of blindly knocking at wrong doors. moving in these circles connecting with parents like her in indian environment will definitely give her the courage and focus on how to go about.

    you can always look at nios to get him back into studying.

    even the regular boy does not cope well with studies if he has so many issues.
     
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  3. Sweetgirl123

    Sweetgirl123 Silver IL'ite

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    I am quite confused.so he has been diagnosed and run through the testing or someone just said he has symptoms?
    does he have the average IQ or is his lower or higher than average?
    ADD/ADHD as well as dyslexia and the mathematical counterpart dyscalculia are assumed to be hereditary, so any relatives that have had similar problems?
    I have heard that there are quite mild forms of these disorders, that may be less problematic then what your son/ nephew is displaying.
    It sounds like he is rebelling against home. I think the family therapy suggestion is something to be followed. He seems to be holding a grudge/ bad feelings and expressing these in typical teenage fashion. I think a lot of teenagers and grown people for that matter would just plop themselves in front of the tv and do nothing else if left to their own. Tv is a wonderful escapism and let's one forget the real world and its trouble. He is in an Age where acquiring new habits and failing during the learning process isn't easy. Learning in itself is a value able skill that many people don't have. Is he an audio learner, visual learner, hands on learner?
     
  4. pavuluris

    pavuluris Senior IL'ite

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    i must say, i am in no capacity, any wiser or knowledgeable or even comparable to any of these fine ladies who gave their suggestions and inputs. But i am unable to resist my urge in suggesting this, when i read these lines about the kid.
    "[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]But positive side of him is that he is a non stop talker... about his school , teachers 90% of them are lies but not harmful lies. Whatever he wishes to be or to do I guess. He was in mumbai when he was doing 6th and 7th then moved to chennai but till now speaks very fluent Hindi and he talks little bit Marati. No one in our family knows hindi, so he has very little chance to practice his hindi."[/FONT]
    [FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]what if we make him practice writing a diary or a journal of his so called every day events [even if they are all made up] - would it not help him with creative writing and may be to some extent linguistic and writing skills. And if slowly we inculcate the habit of having him read his last week's / month's events, specially when he is in good moods - would it help him think and slowly get judgmental of his actions...
    my strong prayers are with him and be assured, this phase of yours will pass.

    [/FONT]
     
  5. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    My heart sank when I saw this post. OP first and foremost, do not let your son get bullied. You need to teach your child right from wrong. Teach your child to stand up to bullies. I have a young son about 5 years old but who has hyperactivity and had trouble making social connections. He needed continuous training of social situations before letting him alone with other kids. Other kids tried to bully him just because he was different. My son would feel hurt and then try to hit them. So I told him to play alone, even then other kids would pick on him and bully him even when he was playing alone. I walked up to those kids and asked them why they were bullying him, these bullies are such cowards that all those children ran away without explaining the reason for bullying my son. I followed them to their homes and complained about them to their parents.

    So the bottom line is teach your son that it is not ok to get bullied. Just because your son has lower IQ does not entitle other kids to bully him. Even better take him off from that bullying environment.

    All the bullying and his repeated failure has shattered his self confidence and he is feeling hurt and angry at himself for not performing in line with his peers. He has internalized the bullying and failures so much that he has started to believe that he is worth nothing. His resistance to studying is mostly because he thinks no matter what he does he is going to fail in studies.

    I think the first step is to help him build his self confidence
    1. Take him out of the bullying environment
    2. Do not let any one bully him
    3. Help him accomplish small things - take baby steps at a time
    4. You say he is good in speaking --> make use of this skill of him, he could be good orator, there are way too many professions that require good speaking skills --> ex, news reporting, TV show anchoring, story writing, script writing, RJ's and VJ's need to have good oratory skills, he could be an author.


    The next big step is dealing with his innocence. Normal people pick cues from situations and learn what is right from wrong. We all learn from experiences not to be innocent but your is not able to do that. This is very similar to the analogy that some people are by nature skilled in driving and some people need training to drive properly.

    So start teaching him right from wrong. For example it is wrong to buy cigars and drinks for his peers in school. That incident in his hostel was something that school principal had to take responsibility for. He needs to hold other kids responsible for drinking and boozing in the hostel. Use each of the incidents as a learning example to teach him right from wrong.

    I can only wish you good luck and hope this bad phase passes soon.
     
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  6. Sai01

    Sai01 New IL'ite

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    Sorry Ils for long silence. I was on vacation for more than a month. ofcourse spending time with my sisters and family. Here is the update about my Nephew:

    My sister and I went to the Psycologist (who my sister knew through one of her trainings). He said my nephew's condition is Borderline MR. He was surprised no Doctor was finding this all these times. It was really hard for us to hear that. He said right now he has the maturity of 10 yrs old in some aspects but he is normal in all the other areas especially sexual aspects. It is really complicated and he said we have to take care of him really well beacuse of his innocense. he would believe any one easily and they can manipulate him in their ways. He may or may not need life long supervision depending upon how well my sister brings him up. He said it is totally in sister's hand. He said he will give continuous support and he will teach him how to face the exams.

    I called Ananya school and the lady who attended the call was very friendly and told me they are dealing with only dyslexic kids.

    Thanks for your support, understanding and prayers ILS. Prayer is the main thing we need now. Can't type further sorry. will be in touch soon.
     
  7. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    All the best Sai!
    Have faith in god,your sister is a good mom and be assured your nephew will do well for himself.Have faith in him and god.
    Take care.
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hugs and lots of strength to your sister and your family sai. atleast now you have a concrete idea of what is wrong with him, and now talk to your bil about him needing more help than he is willing to give the family.

    good that you got a nice pschologist.

    I would give a few more leads where your sister may get a better lead. right now i am too busy with happenings at my home.

    scarf india..don't be put of by the name..Community Mental Health | Scarf India
    service for mentally challenged Chennai, service for disabled Chennai, home for poor children Chennai, donation for kids Chennai, donation for kids Chennai
    Chennai Volunteers
    Vasantham


    Lots of prayers, and wishes from me...
     
  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Sai,
    Thanks for the update. The first step in finding a solution for your nephew is getting to know the issue. Now that you know exactly what if is, you can find solutions. I have no idea what MR is so I cannot give you any inputs on it. Please continue supporting your sister and providing her with the avenue to talk as she figures out what to do with the diagnosis. I'm sure she will find something that works. It's just a matter of learning and patience.
     
  10. meghna123

    meghna123 New IL'ite

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    I know what you are going through. I know a place called STEP FORWARD Learning and Activity Centre in Anna Nagar, a recently opened Centre which offers remedial classes for slow learners. It is run by 2 very experienced ladies and heard they give individual care to every child. Call if you think they might help.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 16, 2014

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