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Glamorizing love and marriage

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by justlife, Jan 29, 2012.

  1. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    I have been thinking about this, while watching TV and talking to friends, why do we place so much importance to love and marriage in life? I think it is mostly because of the way out of proportion glamorization of love and marriage by the likes of bollywood and TV serials. They portray every small problem or challenge as the end of the world. It is as if, if there is even one small problem in your married life or if the love is not expressed then your life is worthless. Only if you have the perfect life, where your husband or your wife tells you "i love u" 10 times only then you are entitled to be happy.... really..... ?????

    I am not a very well read person when it comes to hindu scriptures, but I do not know from where these people have come up with the "husband wife for seven births" theory?? Is it part of the marriage ritual not sure, but even if it is, seven births also end!!! Maybe you are in your seventh birth with your husband so guess what next birth you have to look for a new guy!! or maybe this is your first birth so thats why there are compatibility issues... I mean these things are so baseless, yet we dwell upon them so much??

    We place our happiness so much on seeing a smile or a frown on our spouses face. Why is it so hard to accept for people that even if people live together as families they still are individuals, everyone experiencing their own lives in which others are only a part of .... that no one can own anyone and that the world will not stop running if one person is there or not....that each one of us had a life before we met them and we still have a life when we are not together during the course of the day and that we will still continue to carry on even is a partner decides to move on..... So we all need to learn to let go..... LIVE AND LET LIVE!!
     
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  2. niyathi123

    niyathi123 Bronze IL'ite

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  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Marriage is a beautiful instituition , we cannot call it bad just because of a few rotten ones !
    If was true then divorcees would stay put and never think of remarriage.
    Love does not mean singing songs in the rain or romancing each other 24x7.Glamour in marriage does not come from gifting diamonds and pleasure trips.These are so superficial expectations and have a short life.
    Love does not mean saying it 10 times a day on phone and flirting with ones colleague the next second !

    Marriage is not a TV serial , its not glamourous at all .Lets not get swayed by TV where its all about TRPs, people love watching sobbing females all decked up even while sleeping!There are a minimum 5-6 females of all sizes , shape and age in every serial nowadays, every woman can identify with at least one!
    PS -Never heard any DH talk having the same wife for 7 janams even in a TV serial! :bonk
     
  4. Pritirach

    Pritirach Silver IL'ite

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    Hi JustLife

    Liked your post.Ya i agree that marriage and love are glaomorised.I have seen people warste thier important youth days thinking,struggling being sad for Love and marriage.I agree 200% that getting married to right person and that too with a person you love/like is sooooooo important.But what about those who waste n number of years crying,struggling,being sad and what not in name of winning thier love,convincing parents.Please dont misunderstand me.I am not against trying to convince parents and geeting married to love of your life.To make my point clear i will tell a story.............

    My Dh friend from his school days.In college days fell for a girl.Roamed around,movies,gifts,sharing plates/food etc. The girl's parents were not ready for it.Big fights,the boy had to go underground.Three months later the same guy met a girl fell for a girl in his ofiice and got married to her.They are happily married with two kids now..Few days back he himself said this to DH"I wasted major part of my life thinking and planning for my marriage."

    I mean it is perfectly understandable to fight for the person you love,but is it so important to forget the whole world for one person?:idontgetit:.

    May be...........But sometimes it is nothing but glorifying love and marriage.

    P.S My intension is not to demean anybody who fought to get married to thier love,but many situations i have seen around compelled me to think that people tend to think thier life stops/ends with love/marriage.
     
  5. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Niyathi123, I am glad you liked my post! :)
     
  6. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Flowerlady, it is so true that no guy ever talks about 7 janam. Why?? Why are we women so hung up on gaining husbands love etc etc etc......Why can marriage not be just another relation where 2 people live in harmony not always fight for who loves whom....
    After all husband and wife are 2 real people, with their share of problems and achievements. Even though they have been tied in holy matrimony, they still remain 2 individuals. Why is is so difficult for people to understand this!!
     
  7. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    dear Pritirach,

    Having fought for my own love and lost the battle, I still completely agree with your views. Even though I do not have the happiest married life. I am not sure maybe I am just suffering from the sour grapes syndrome, but I guess this helps me get along with my life.....good or bad!! :)
     
  8. malarun

    malarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Justlife,
    I really liked your post, as this is the same question I ask my friends when they ask about me and my DH.

    I don’t believe in saying “I Love You” 10 times a day or giving a kiss when ever I meet my DH, infact I don’t remember telling such thing to my DH in the recent or for a more than a year at all.

    The castle of Love/marriage is built on foundation of trust, truth and acceptance.

    Trust - You should always trust your partner no matter what.
    Truth – This is the base of any relationship for that matter.
    Acceptance – accepting your partner the way they are and not the way they want you to be.

    My story in short:
    Our love life from first was a bed of roses with a lot of thorns, in fact we were termed as a hopeless pair in college, that is we will separate the moment we step out of college because I used to be with my friends and he with his, no long hours of talk or phone, no movies together etc. After college I was in Bangalore for 2 years and he was in Chennai, we met once during our college convocation in those two years. After that I got transferred to Chennai and we used to meet once in a month.

    I got married in 2008 November about 4 years after college. In the same year from January till July end I did not talk to my DH at all i.e no contact, we had a big fight due to my SIL, but in the heart of heart, we both trusted that we are made for each other, in the start of August I got a call from DH that he informed his family about our love, and I informed my family in September end then all hell broke loose I was house arrested for a month no contact with my DH but he boldly went to the court, police station etc, he had trust in me that whatever the circumstance is I will not leave him, I also had trust in him that he will be with me in all circumstances. The case filed by him was such that if I say no he will be arrested and will have to be in jail for a year. Just as he thought I said I want to live with him, and then our marriage took place.

    I always say everything to my DH and the same with him.

    After marriage, his friend saw me in a coffee shop, I was with an old friend of mine (boy), he told my DH that I saw your wife but she was alone my Dh laughed and said no she should have been with a guy there (I have a lot of friends who are guys and settled in Chennai), she would not go to coffee shop alone, that guy was looking at my DH with a big shock. If someone tells me that they saw my DH somewhere with a girl I will laugh and say you saw the wrong guy, because he does not talk with girls a lot he will not talk to my friends who are girls itself, and does not come to their house or for functions I normally go alone.

    So basically the point is we accept each other despite our differences.

    This is my take for a happy married life with love.

    Hi Pritiarch,
    I don’t agree with you in a few points.
    I do agree with you, that life does not stop with love/marriage but my Love/marriage life will stop with my DH.
    Please do not mistake me; this is my own take on Love/marriage.
    Love is a universal term for the affection we share with every relation in our life like father, mother, brother, sister, husband and kids.
    The other relations whom I have mentioned above other than husband are blood relations, but these relations do not stay with me till my end. DH is a relation I got in between who has accepted me the way I am and is there with me through all situations and shares my feelings. So I do give more importance to this relation than anyone else. I cannot see anyone else in my mom or dad’s place same goes for my DH also, his place in my life is only for him and no one can take his place no matter what, my Dh’s answer will also be the same.
    This is just my take on this, this will of course vary from person to person and a person with this thought can also change their thought process based on their situations. Also I am not against remarriage or marriage after love failure, I will support my friends/relations who opt for this at any time but this is just my own opinion.

    Thanks
    Malar
     
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  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Women are conditioned to fast and pray for their DHs long life as their own lifestyle depends on his existence! The Dh is put on a pedestal , the wife proudly adorns herself with mangal sutra , bindi, sindoor while he does not even wear a marriage ring .
    The moment the DH passes away or the lady gets a divorce she has to stop using all her marriage symbols and is demoted socially. A husband is a status symbol , rich or poor a married lady is given a lot of privileges.
    Since the DH grows up seeing all this in his own family how can he see his wife as an equal? The wife is supposed to be the husbands shadow and not his equal, certainly not an individual!!
    A widower or a divorced man remarries as soon as possible , while a widow is supposed to pine and weep all her life!
    Thankfully now things are changing due to education and financial independence of women.
     
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  10. justlife

    justlife Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Malar, Loved your story!!

    You are very lucky indeed that you have a partner who shares your viewpoints. In my case it is the total opposite. I have a husband who is a stereotypical Indian male exactly as flowerlady described above. And hence in this case when you have 2 people living with 2 extreme thoughts, there is got to be a lot of fireworks!! :)

    I know, after 16 years of marriage it is nothing more than just another day. But deep down I do also crave the companionship of someone who would understand me and take me for what I am and not what they want a wife to be!! Unfortunately I lost that person long time ago...

    So enjoy your life as god has blessed you with the best companion that you can get!! Good Luck
     

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