1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Giving Up In Life - Lost Hope

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Star25, Aug 17, 2019.

  1. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @KashmirFlower : wow.. Yes ur right it's practical what u said.. Only if it's mutual will a person stay not otherwise.. Yes parents belong to the old generation.. They think about status quo..as ppl grow old they say wising increases but never seen elders in NY family behave that way.. They r only more selfish and jealous as they grow older.. I loved these words of urs "don't react for others words or actions, say to yourself , you dont know a bit of my life. i will do what is good for me" I will really say these when someone comments.. I love it.. Sometimes even when we know these things still if someone cares and tells these it feels so good... Thank u so much for supporting me
     
  2. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @1Sandhya - hi sandhya.. Thank u so much for ur detailed reply Am feeling so encouraged and positive after reading it ..im seeing everything negative is what is the difference between u and me.. But because of not discussing with anyone about this I feel this way ...though I Don know u but I felt so good as if a sister sat with me and spoke to me all this.. Thank u so much.. I feel supported and cared for and for the time u had taken to think of my situation from my shoes and then tell me what to do.. Really means a lot to me.. I will follow what u said slowly.. Please give the same support always whenver I need it.. This makes me feel there are people out there for me.. Do stay in touch
     
  3. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    1,786
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    @Star25

    I haven't read the advice given by the rest of the posters, so I might be repeating things from what you already know.

    First things first, PLEASE get a counselor or clinical therapist. There is only so much that we, your online community, can provide for you. At my lowest point, there was no one who I could depend on to help me understand my feelings. My parents were useless, and I thought I had no friends. Talking to a counselor helped, and if you have clinical depression, they can give you the help you need. Please don't be offended by this, you have been chronically stressed and neglected, there is no shame in getting help.

    The next thing is, you are the master of your own life. I don't want to sound harsh, but no one will live it for you, so each decision you make is your own. You mentioned that your parents have forced you to make decisions... but that is not true. You let them talk you into making bad decisions, when you knew better. Its a rough truth, but accept it, and the next steps become so much easier.

    Life is a journey. You don't need to have the perfect family, perfect house, perfect job, to be happy. As human beings, we like solving problems. Life gets boring if we stop solving them. Life gets frustrating if we get a problem we are unable to solve. Unlike what others might say, I don't believe life is about living for others. Life is about living for yourself, and contributing something on the way. If you haven't felt like you achieved that yet, then give yourself the time and space to achieve it.

    "my parents themselves are behaving like my enemies.. They r ignoring me and not talking even a single word"

    I read this part, and I can completely relate. My parents, who I have always trusted with my life and have always searched for their approval - stopped talking to me, and said I was unwelcome to come back to their house. According to them, we have "nothing left to talk about". Literally, I was left homeless and jobless (with a kid) for the past 4 months (because I wanted a divorce), and had to depend on the kindness of friends. (Friends that I thought I didn't have). Parents are definitely capable of being enemies. I feel like others would have mentioned, but please try to move out. If you don't want to be by yourself, find a shared accommodation with another young woman like you. It would be much more pleasant than what you have right now.

    Try to reach out to your old friends, I know its hard, and people have moved to different phases in life, but we are social beings. We need company, and spending time with someone will help you invariably
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
    SunPa, Sandyr46 and Star25 like this.
  4. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @BhumiBabe : First if all I would like to thank u for the time you have taken to patiently write this out for me my heartfelt and sincere thanks to you.. Yes am stressed out very much because of everything happening around me.. I didn't know where to go or whom to seek help from.. Now that you have told I will find a counsellor and talk this out.. I just need a person to talk to and share my deepest feelings freely.. Guess a counselor would be the right person like you said.. Yes my parents have not given a chance to take any decision on my own right from my childhood.. I blindly trusted then and believed what they did is for my good only ..npw only I have realised their true intentions.. I want to live my life happily at least from now on . . Feeling sad to hear that we you have also been sailing in the same boat as me except that I don't have a kid.. Yes I thought of moving away from my family but my only concern is they will forget me altogether and I will not have any hold in my family later.. Anyways will think about it if that is the only solution to give me happiness.. Pls stay in touch.. Thanks again for helping with my life
     
  5. Angela123

    Angela123 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    163
    Likes Received:
    186
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    @Star25

    You have to find your own happiness, regardless how people treat you. Stop depending on other people for your happiness. Slowly make changes to your life. And start preparing to move out from your parents home. If that is going to make both parties happy, thats what you should do. But make the decisions yourself, instead on acting on your parents suggestions. Even if you act on their opinion remember that you are an adult, your decisions are always your responsibility no matter under whose influence you made the decisions. From what I read, you have a job, so you can probably afford to live alone. Why do you think that they will forget you once you move away? Moving from parents house doesn't mean cutting all ties with them. You can call and visit as you or they please. Moving away doesnt have to make you disown your parents or the other way.

    Agree to all the posters here.
    Even if you didnt make any decisions so far, start making your own decisions from now on. At least you can live with thinking that "I made this decision, if it is good or bad". When(Indian) parents make the decisions for us once, they expect us to take care of ourselves and never bother them once their responsibility is over (this is especially true when the daughter is married away). Also, I agree with your mom here that she needs to take care of dad, they probably need to take care of each other. Old age, they fall back on kids, they do not want the other way around. At old age, no matter what you do you are going to hear the blame from them.
    Blaming a third person is not going to take you anywhere. But Getting help will help you move forward. You cannot go back and live the life that's gone but you can start afresh and make it better. You do not have to have spouse or parents to do that. Be strong from within. Try to pick up a hobby or make some friends. Things will change when you work on it. It is always hard work. Take a break from work and travel for sometime. May be a change from the scene itself will help you with the situation. Remember to say NO when someone tells you to do something that you don't want. For now, focus on YOU. Getting your life back in track like you want.
     
    Star25 likes this.
  6. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    880
    Likes Received:
    1,786
    Trophy Points:
    265
    Gender:
    Female
    In this case, I think the distance is necessary. You can still call or visit- and if they “forget” you... I don’t think staying is the right way to handle this. What “hold” are you expecting? The best thing for you is to move out of the negative environment and grow into the person you want to be. You need to interact with others, challenge yourself, and experience life without your parents’ silent disapproval to shadow your development.
     
    Star25 likes this.
  7. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    479
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Op
    Everyone in this world is alone. Parents can do up to certain extent. There are many women stucked in bed marriage due to kids. Lot of women don't have anyone to even vent out or any emotional and financial support. There is some purpose for your existence in this world. Try to devote your time for some good purpose. Focus on your health. This shall pass. Take care
     
    Star25 likes this.
  8. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @Angela123 : So sorry for the late reply.. Yes I am trying find happiness within myself but it's really really hard.. All these years I have been keeping myself happy when someone does something that keeps me happy or when I do something to keep others happy.. And even decisions were dependent know my parents.. It's really hard to change all of a sudden.. I know what you say and what others have said is for my good, but it's tough to follow.. Am doing my best to follow it.. Thank you so much Angela for the detailed suggestions
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  9. Star25

    Star25 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    292
    Likes Received:
    403
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    @ProudIndian - thanks dear for the detailed reply.. I love the line that you mentioned there is some purpose for my existence in this world.. It makes me feel special.. And you also mentioned that this also shall pass.. Hope it does bcoz for around 4 years seen only difficulties in life... I hope the sun shines in my life too.. Thank you so much again for your suggestions
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  10. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    496
    Likes Received:
    479
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes this shall pass. Nothing is permanent in this world. Our sorrows bad time everything will pass. Think about billions of people suffering due to chronic illness or poverty or loosing their loved ones. Everyone has some problems. We all have struggles. Be positive. At least you are young healthy and no child yet. You can easily survive and find happiness. Honestly being married or having house or big family or friends doesn't give you happiness. It's all outside show and fake smiles. Start exercise and meditation asap. It will help you lot
     
    Star25 likes this.

Share This Page