Giving , Loving And Living.

ambika ananth · Jul 27, 2005

In human relationships, it is important to be ‘giving’ giving’ and always giving, to get back in return from any relationship. We humans always doubt, doubt to give or take, not knowing what a wonderful therapy it is to give and lovingly take in return. The most important , the most conflicting of relationships is that of a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. But when understood with soul, heart and mind, and start ‘giving’, it can be an enriching experience for both-‘saas and bahu!’

A long time ago in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1lace>China</st1lace></st1:country-region>, a girl named LiLi, a newly married bride, felt that she can never get along with her mother-in-law at all, who was always grumpy and horribly short-tempered. She felt that their personalities were so different, it is impossible to live under one roof. What made the situation worst was that according to ancient Chinese tradition, a daughter-in-law should bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. LiLi was constantly angry at her mother-in-law’s constant criticism. She couln’t take it any longer, so went to see Mr.Huang, a good friend of her father, who sold herbs. She told him the situation asked him if he can give her some poison to put an end to her problem. He thought for a while and said ‘ LiLi, I will help you, but you should listen to me and follow my instructions.’ When LiLi agreed instantly, he gave her a packet of herbs and told’ You can’t use quick acting poison on your mother-in-law, because people will suspect you first. These herbs will build up poison in her body slowly. Everyday make delicious food and serve her after adding these herbs. Try to be very good to her and always be cheerfully obeying. Nobody will suspect you later’.

LiLi started treating her mother-in-law with great care and concern and she in turn, became very accommodative and understanding. Weeks went by, months went by- the whole household was peaceful and contented. One day, LiLi ran frantically to Mr. Huang and begged him to stop the poison from working on her mother-in-law. ‘I don’t want her to die’ LiLi was in tears. Mr.Huang smiled and said, I never gave any poison to you, they were vitamins to improve her health, the only poison was in your minds and all that had been washed away by the love which you gave to each other’’

The gesture of loving and giving can act like a catalyst to turn any event or situation into good ones, it works on the principle of a photographer who can develop a negative into a beautiful picture, by plunging into the developing solution and bringing out the ‘latent image’-darkness turning into light….Many of us don’t know that we have beautiful latent images in our minds and so remain always in a ‘negative’ state. Life fulfills its promises if we do our part in human relations….

varalotti · Jul 27, 2005

Love does not just change but it does create

Ambika,
that was a very good poll and you made all of us think of love and even thinking of love elevates us and for that microsecond we were very pure and very selfless.
As I voted the only sensible option available, I remember the words of Kahlil Gibran" You cannot direct the course of love; but if love considers you worthy , it will direct your course."
At the same time I also remember Gibran's words when he said "Our love does not hold you nor our affection bind you."
Yes love changes a relationship for better if it lets the beloved free and allow enormous spaces in the relationship. And love changes a relationship for worse if tries to hold and contain the beloved. A successful marriage belongs to the former category, a failed marriage to the later.
I cant help quote another visionary who said : If you love a thing, set it free. If it returns to you after it no longer has to, then it's yours. But if it does n't it has not been yours from the very beginning.'
Good work, Ambika. You made us all dwell for a moment in the most basic of all the human emotions. thanks for the post.
with lots of love,
sridhar
varalotti

Roshni · Jul 28, 2005

I agree!

Hi Ambika,

That was a good one about 'Love'. I would like to quote this..."Love, inorder to be loved".

manju_j · Jul 28, 2005

I wish it changes!

Hi Ambika,

I would have voted a 100% 'yes' if you had mentioned all relationships, EXCEPTION being the in-laws. But now, I am forced to say 80% 'yes' and 20% 'may be' (hence I chose the option 'probably'; may be I am the only one to choose this option!)

"Giving is to lovingly take in return" - this applies to all relationships. But it does not work that way when it comes to a daughter-in-law (she is supposed to ONLY give, but not supposed to expect anything in return). Since she comes into the house for a life, it is only giving; it is the logic that applies to ONLY d-i-ls.

ambika ananth · Jul 28, 2005

Thanks Sridhar

Its wonderful to get an instant response with insightful observations and genuine words of encouragement from a senior member like you. I am sure these 'threads' really connect people. I am happy that my first post was received warmly with appreciation....thanks again.

ambika ananth

ambika ananth · Jul 28, 2005

You are right Manju..

Dear Manju,

Your candid response is true..since the relationship between a daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is always perceived with preconceived notions, age-old psychological scripting and is approached with trepidation, it appears larger and magnified. The very reason for me to write about that realationship is to say that it is not as bad as it is made out to be..all it takes is a broader outlook from both parties and sincere love and acceptance. 'Giving is to lovingly take in return' is what worked for me and it will work for anybody, once the giving becomes' unconditional'. Life is a big gamble and we may lose many times..but try and try again is the motto to win in any relation I guess...
thanks
ambika ananth