Getting ready to receive a child

RHariharan · Feb 22, 2012

Dear ILites,

Some time back I had written to you all regarding whether or not I would need help post-delivery to recover from the process and take care of the child. Initially, I was nervous about sorting out the problem of which-set-of-parents-come-when; I spoke to my husband about it and he agreed to have his parents come a little later in the year.

Now, I have heard reports from other mothers of new moms (who travelled to the US for delivery) that it was an exhausting process. I think it was partly the absence of house-help (this lady I speak of has 2 maids to help her back in India.. not to sound like Im judging). Forget all that -- immaterial. Now, I want to protect my mother and her energy. I know she is growing old.. and I know she is concerned about tackling this by herself. Im not sure what to say, but I am really sure that I can take concrete steps to prepare from my side -- so that her job is easier. What is the best possible attitude I can have, in order to receive her help at the same time reduce the pressure to "do-everything"! (my mother is a bit of a perfectionist.. as am I!) shucks!

The things that are on her side are: we are an organized family, and my DH is supremely supportive and has a good eye for organization. We are pretty well-equipped (like any other home in the US), with an inbuilt washer-dryer, dishwasher at home. Living where I do -- its pretty free of dust and dirt -- so cleaning wont be a major issue. I am making it a point to have enough sets of clothes for self and the expected infant -- so that we need not be running the washer each DAY. I know we cant cut short on the cooking (I understand its important that I eat healthy in order to feed the infant right), but what kind of steps can I take to ease the pressure on my mother? Is there a stock of items I can keep? Any shelf-space I should create? Any particular baby-item to keep handy? Any extra bottles or spare rag cloth or something? Experienced mothers -- please pour in your input!

Also (though seemingly unrelated), please suggest what kind of shopping I should put off when she is here. Which baby items should I purchase first (So that they are ready for use once the child arrives?) Which items should I best wait for my mother to arrive, before choosing? I have requested her to arrive 2 weeks before delivery -- so I can make the most of her stay once the child is home. Being a first-time mother with no elder sisters, I really could use all the help I could possibly receive on this front. Thanks so much for your ideas; RH.

Coffeelover · Feb 22, 2012

Let me Congratulate you and your husband!!!!! Having a baby is not TEXT book procedure. It is not power point presentation. Organize well, but don't think that baby will agree with you. I am not scaring you, I am asking you to relax.
My American friend had her third child few months back. This is the first time, I am involved with all the procedures.
Her family is in East Coast. I am kind of Grand ma ( happy) to the kids.
These are the things I have learnt form her.

First to buy: Baby/car seat. Otherwise, hospital wouldn't let you take the baby.
Baby changer is important.
Are you going to feed the baby. My cousin had the baby same time. She choose to use breast pump. It is easy for the mother. But my neighbor refused to do it. It is up to you.
Blankets, some clothes- keep it ready.

Washing: you may have to do it it everyday - only baby clothes.

food- You can make it for few days- no problems.
Of course, you will have camera to take the pictures.
Don't take the baby outing for couple of weeks.
Just relax and enjoy the baby. Don't let too many visitors to see the baby. I had to take flu shots to help my friend.
If I were you, I will select everything to buy. Don't wait too long. your mom has to get used to this place too.

All the best. Hope to hear from you after you deliver.

Rakhii · Mar 1, 2012

First of all, congratulations! I just gave birth 10 weeks ago and my mom is here to help me. Below are the things which I had bought over a period of time so that its a little easier on baby, myself and mom. This list will prepare you and not get frustrated when baby is here. Dont get over-whelmed by seeing the list. Its just a guide to help you be prepared. This list has helped me immensely.

Essentials:

Outdoor equipment:

Stroller: Chicco Keyfit 30 Travel System (comes with infant car-seat)

Baby on board signs for the car

Diaper Bag

Indoor equipment in the nursery: Most of the things here areoptional but good-to-haves:

Crib and bedding (and 2-3 fitted crib sheets): optional if you are co-sleeping

Musical mobile: 1: optional but babies LOVE this.

Rocking Chair and foot stool (Glider): 1: Again, optional but its very comfy while breastfeeding or rocking baby to sleep

Changing station: 1: a must in my opinion, specially if you end up having C-section

Swing and bouncer set: 1 optional

Night lamp: 1 or 2 optional

Nursing essentials for baby(If breast feeding is not established well/right away): Buy something with alonger return-guarantee.

NUK feeding bottle set: at least 3 (with Playtex and Dr.Browns, my DD was spitting up. NUK woked best)

Bottle cleaning brush: 1

Microwave steam sterilizer: 1

Bottle Drying Rack: 1 in bigger size

Breast Pump: 1 (optional, I bought this after delivery)

Insulated bottle holder: 2 (one for water and one for milk)

Nursing essentials for mom:

Nursing bras for daytime and night time: 3 each

Bra pads: 2 packs to begin with

Boppy pillow: 1

Lanolin: 2 to begin with

Bathing Needs:

Johnson & Johnson bath kit or Aveeno (baby soap, oil, shampoo, moisturizer)

Bath tub for babies

Hamper

Washing liquid: Dreft, ivory etc

Hygiene:

Diapers: 40 pack infant size 3 of them and one at size 1 (so that I can return if I am not using the size 0. Look for longer return policy at store)

Wet wipes: 3 boxes of at least 100 each

Diaper rash cream and daily protection cream: Penaten is working great for me

Diaper bin with bags (diaper pail): 1 set up beside changing table

Changing pad (bought this): 2

Clothing: I bought a lot so that I dont have to do laundry often

Onesies: 0-3 M and 3-6M (Planning on buying 20 each to start with)

Wash cloths: at least 20

Swaddling blankets/ sleep sacks: 3

Receiving Blankets: pack of 8 at least

Head support for baby’s head: 1

Hooded towels: 2

Caps, socks/booties and bibs: 10 sets

Snow suit with attached mittens and booties: 1 if its a winter baby

Others:

Baby grooming kit (which includes a thermometer)

Pain and fever reliever (check with pediatrician, I bought tylenol)

Nasal Aspirator (I bought hudrasense)

Gripe Water (Dabar from Indian store) and Colic drops

Soft rattles

Non Essentials:

Co sleeper: Baby Delight Snuggle Nest

Digital Monitor

Music system to play lullabies

Rakhii · Mar 1, 2012

A small caution though...my mom and my DH are both great. But since mom is a third person who is here, both hubby and mom have a few differences. They are trying to overcome those...but be prepared for small differences, how much ever gentle they both are.

like coffeelover has said, nothng really goes as per textbook. But one thing is for sure, having everything handy bfore baby is here really does help ease the stress due to lack of sleep ect post delivery. Also, stock up the kitchen and freezer. there was a special diet which mom used to make for me after delivery...if you want, I can give a few tips.

Another thing is that, my mom is also not all that young. So, I let her go to bed at 10 in the night no matter what. She wakes up only at 7 AM after good 8-9 hours sleep. This helped her not to take too much tension. Of course this would mean sleep deprived state for you, but for me it started getting better after 8 weeks of giving birth (check out the infant section). I also let me mom nap in the afternoons. so all this really is helping my mom not to take stress and enjoy the baby...while still helping me out.

Good luck. dont worry, things will fall into place.

RHariharan · Mar 6, 2012

Dear coffelover, thanks so much for the input and the advice. I really appreciate your taking the time to write the response!

RHariharan · Mar 6, 2012

Dear Rakhii,

first, thanks so much for the detailed response to my question. I can imagine how much thought must have gone into preparing and relaying that list of items! I will find it most useful in the weeks to come.

Regarding my mom taking rest, yes, I too thought of that. My Mom certainly needs her sleep. She was mentioning a special diet at this time for me, too. This had me a tad concerned because I know she finds cooking here really tough (need to start with cutting veggies etc). I will try to get my hubby to help as much as possible... or do what I can. Hopefully sleeping in noon and getting rest will help.

Regarding night time sleep deprivation.. as long as its just me, I can probably try to rest in the day-time... is this a good strategy?

Would you also recommend that I purchase most of these things before my Mom gets here? Im basically hedging the situation wherein she looks at the purchases and says 'oh why didnt you get this or this'.. But I guess thats not a good enough reason to put it off till the last possible minute.

But Rakhii -- Im not sure I understand what is the main reason my mom would have a lot of work here.. apart from cooking and occasionally bathing the child, will there be plenty to do? What should I expect in terms of general level of activity at this time? I assume that between cooking and dishwashing, my mom will be pretty tired out (there are likely a min of 5 people in the home at that time.. including my parents and DH-Myself .. and of course, the little one). Im hoping that apart from the usual chores inside-home, the rest of the main duties (relating to child care and self care) I can pretty much do myself.. please share your insight on this.

RHariharan · Mar 6, 2012

Hi Rakhii,

I was going through the list and wanted to ask you: which bath-tub did you get? I saw a couple on amazon but not sure which one will work best. I love the idea of washing the baby in the sink so that me or my mom dont have to bend over in the tub to bathe the child.

Thanks so much,

Rhari

Rakhii · Mar 6, 2012

Rhari, here are a few answers for your doubts. I will tell you what worked best for me. See if you can apply the same
1. hubby took 10 days off after my delivery. So Between us, we could mange to take care of my DD in the nights. But you will find it very difficult if you don't have any help in the night for the first 2 weeks at least, specially if you have a bad tear or a c section.
Mom used to wake up at 6:30 and I used to hand over the baby to her at 7 or 7/30. I used to sleep from 8 till 11 or noon. Since we were supplementing our dd with formula as well, mom used to give her formula when I am asleep. After I take my dd at noon, mom used to cook for the first 3 weeks. But aftr that, I am able to mange cooking as well while dd is playing with mom.

2. It's advisable to buy everything and keep it ready 4 weeks before due date. You never know..what If baby decide to show up early?

3. Winnie the pooh bath tub is what I got hari. I am not sure if you should bathe your baby in sink. I mean, that's where you wash dishes right. You would be running the risk of exposing dish/hand soap residue to the gentle skin of your baby. I would suggest that you buy the tub. It's fitting on my bathroom countr for me. It should even fit on kitchen counter so that you don't have to bend in the adult bath tub.

Ok baby woke up. Will type the rest tomorrow