Getting His Goat

Getting His Goat


Dear Gorakshaks,


A thousand pranaams at your lotus feet from an ardent admirer of your good, no great work. You are doing a great job of thrashing or lynching anyone remotely suspected of even harbouring thoughts of cow slaughter cutting across barriers of age and gender. I really admire the way in which you trashed a nine yer old girl in Jammu and Kashmir. Catch ‘em young is a damn good motto. When the girl grows up the very sight of a cow would make her quake in terror. That beating is really educative.


But I am not writing to you now about cows but your noble service is needed in another albeit related field. You see of late, fire accidents are increasing all over the country. You see what happened to the Chennai Silks shop in , well, Chennai. It caught fire inexplicably resulting in damages worth crores. Hold your clubs and swords and don’t, please don’t rush to lynch me thinking that I am mocking you and you are not a bunch of bloody firemen. I have worked out that you can do this job much better than the firemen. They rush only when the fire erupts but you can prevent these fires. As everyone knows, prevention is better than cure.


Now before you break your own heads with clubs, let me explain what do you, my esteemd gorakshks have got to do with fire except in connection with occasional cases of arson targeted at un-sanskari beings. Few years ago a genius who spent some time in Delhi IIT came up with the epoch making discovery that earthquakes occur because of cow slaughter when mother earth trembles wrathfully on hearing the roars of cows being slaughtered. I am sure you wholeheartedly agree with the discovery that revolutionized earth sciences. Similarly I have found that fires occur because goats are slaughtered for meat.


Ha! Now I can visualize you sitting up. Going through some mythological stuff a couple of days ago, I found that goat is the vehicle of Agnidev, the god of fire. And the poor chap just can’t sit idle when his vehicle ends up on someone’s dining table can he? He can’t use the same goat over and again. He needs them to rest and many age and die and he needs new supply.How do you expect him to get a new herd of goats for riding if we keep eating them? So naturally this gets his goat.(According to (un)reliable reports from the other world the creator has put in the backburner Agni’s request for an advanced model of goats that don’t age or tire and can be computer controlled). And he sends a clear message to us that he is not happy by triggering fires. Now you realize that the Chennai Silks fire was not due to violation of building rulesor lack of adequate fire sfety precautions etc but due to plenty of joints in Chennai serving goat biryani.


I hope you understand that this is your job than the firemen’s. Stop goat slaughter. Bash up those killing goats or selling goat meat. Restaurants which even have goat in their name need to be smashed up even if they are vegetarian. The very idea that goats are edible should not occur to anyone.


So go and have fun. Go on a thrashing spree. From gorakshaks become goatrakshaks.. Along with bovines let the ovine also enjoy your benevolence. Few lynchings will put the fear of god no goat into these misguided sinners.


Let us save our world from the wrath of agnidev.



Goat ko marna paap hai

Goat Hamara baap hai


Yours sincerely

A Param Bhakt

 

Sindmani if the cow is anyone's mother it is the calf's and no one else's. Going by the logic even buffalo should be our mother. Lot of people drink buffalo milk.

 

Viswa swans are beautiful but if Brahma would go on a strike and stop creating humans the sacrifice of swans would be worth it. The world would be a better place with fewer humans.

 

If anyone was fighting for them, they must have chickened out.