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Get Too Friendly

Discussion in 'Friends & Neighbours' started by hermitcrab, May 17, 2019 at 12:03 AM.

  1. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    I have a problem, I get too friendly too soon, and divulge too much about my self, my past present and future, about Parents, ILs and siblings. And I hate myself for my this behavior. I would like to be more reticent or say alot of nothing-meaningful, instead of putting my life on table. I don’t so all the time but plenty of times to give people enough fodder to go on and make friends talking about me.
    How do I stop it? Do I pinch myself midsentence?
     
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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Gold IL'ite

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    @hermitcrab if you want to change a habit first thing you need to figure out is the trigger. What causes you to open up too much personal information about yourself to neighbors ?
    Think about the conversations you had recently and see what actually caused you to open up.
    Once you figure it out which may take a week start writing down the triggers in a document.
    After a week create a notepad where you can list the trigger and action you took upon this trigger. Once you figure out this flow see during conversations for these triggers and once you encounter them change the topic in different direction. I would also recommend you to read this note before you go to bed. Once it starts registering in your unconscious mind it is easier to change habits. I recently read a book detailing about life cycle of habits it is interesting to note how we develop good or bad habits. If we are mindful of our behavior and understand the brain triggers it is easier to break this cycle. It is a cycle you need to break .It won't happen overnight. Don't worry about what happened in the past just look forward towards your future
     
    Agathinai, dhivyacc, Anu14 and 5 others like this.
  3. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Mangaii has given a good strategy. Identify the triggers. If you do it both on phone and in person, note down the triggers separately.

    Some possibilities are:
    - do not like pauses in the conversation and try to fill them, ending up sharing more than intended
    - do not have a regular close person or two to whom you can vent or just blab. so, end up sharing with not so close people.
    - feel the need to match the other person's level of disclosing stuff. if she says something about her husband or kid or parents, you instinctively feel you have to respond in kind.
     
    Agathinai and hermitcrab like this.
  4. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Very good idea @mangaii

    I also started listening to audio book Habits

    Reading before bedtime is the key, so it get's into sub conscious.
    I am also not aware of the triggers, but that is what I need to figure out, since I do that some days more than other.
     
  5. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    @Rihana
    Your first and second point totally applies to me. I don't like too many pauses and try to fill them up. I actually become uncomfortable with pauses.
    Second point is true too.
    Third one is actually the other way round, when someone shares with me too much, usually they talking a lot, and I do pitch in with my own matched-up story, but mostly I am control of myself and thinking- why is she telling all this.
    I will have to work on being comfortable with pauses. For second point, I can keep a "dear diary".
     
  6. Amulet

    Amulet Finest Post Winner

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    @hermitcrab
    Are people encouraging your tendencies? saying things like "I like/love you just the way you are" ?
    We used to have a tv program, for children, where a creepy old guy would come and say that. if it is possible, you can try to avoid such people.
     
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  7. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Gold IL'ite

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    HC, I read your post and had to quickly respond because this is so me ! I hate pauses in conversations and have a really tough time ending conversations. So I end up talking more , revealing more information than I should . Plus more fodder for the other person to know my weaknesses and judge me . I know I need to shut up ! But how ??
     
  8. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Some of them do. I realized this about one lady and try to say something very generic and move away. As much as possible I avoid her. She is in my child’s school.

    I think I try to be the nice person and fill up pauses, keep conversation going, but at my own expense. I am always showing my teeth batesi while talking, because i think it more polite to show how excited I am to talk to someone.
     
  9. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    We will work on it together!
    Hum honge kainmyaab
     
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  10. Agathinai

    Agathinai Silver IL'ite

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    Follow the good suggestions given by others. It’s always a good strategy to avoid telling anyone your personal issues as they will be haunting you back. They can use it when circumstances change for the worse and you have some issues with the friendships. Not only with friends even relationships just deal everything and everyone with a bit of wariness. You and only you should be the one who is the most reliable person to hold all your details.

    If you find it hard to stop communicating have a variety of topics to discuss with your friends which has nothing to do with your personal life. Practice and you will be there.
     
    hermitcrab and SinghManisha like this.

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