Get Togethers With Relatives

Needtobestrong · Jun 17, 2018

My in laws have a huge family and friends circle..the really enjoy travelling to new places and socialising with relatives and friends..
Generally they like to organise get togethers and potluck quite often on important occasions and major festivals..(festival like Navaratri , Diwali, etc )
But one issue I face is, the amount of work that goes into these..such as calling up all of them and inviting and co ordinating..mostly we arrange such occasion with close relatives and close friends and known neighbours in our area..
Even though We kind of insist on an informal RSVP to know how many people are coming, it doesn't work out that well..because some don't confirm if coming or not, some say they are busy with prior appointments or personal work, some say that they are coming for sure but don't turn up..
There is enormous amount of work involved in planning, organising, arranging food (whether prepared at home or bought from outside.)..
I notice that some people turn up really late ,some say that they are coming and don't turn up, or just make quick guest appearance , I.e they come and then leave in 30-45 mins..those who have small babies or very very elderly people, it's ok but others can stay and help out a bit atleast..it seems like they just came for formality..
Due to these, I notice that lot of food gets left over..also our schedule goes for a toss due to enormous time and energy for all preparations and waiting for all people to leave before the clean up..also cleaning up the house or hall isn't easy..usually maids don't like to help with such task even if we pay them.
I feel bad when excess money is spent on food and gets wasted when people don't turn up..
I want to know how u all handle such matters?
For any occasion isn't it better to just invite 1-2 families individually for lunch rather than a whole lot?
And friends and families groups can meet up at some restaurant or cafe to celebrate any occasion right..
I don't have much experience in all this..also many times they don't respect my views as they give more importance to family friends society etc.
Pls share your thoughts..

MalStrom · Jun 17, 2018

It is unlikely you can change your in-laws habits, but I agree with you about the effort and wastage involved in these events. Can you try giving a lower head count to the caterer if people don't respond promptly? As for the cleaning and preparations the only thing to try is to pay the maids more or get temporary help. It is aggravating.

peace3 · Jun 18, 2018

You will soon get burnt out with this type of lifestyle and your health will start suffering. Try to motivate your husband to talk some sense to his parents as they are not listening to you. Each time it should be in a different person's house and not always in your house.
Plus it should be a small gathering of like minded groups.

Thyagarajan · Jun 18, 2018

Needtobestrong said: ↑

My in laws have a huge family and friends circle..the really enjoy travelling to new places and socialising with relatives and friends..
Generally they like to organise get togethers and potluck quite often on important occasions and major festivals..(festival like Navaratri , Diwali, etc )
But one issue I face is, the amount of work that goes into these..such as calling up all of them and inviting and co ordinating..mostly we arrange such occasion with close relatives and close friends and known neighbours in our area..
Even though We kind of insist on an informal RSVP to know how many people are coming, it doesn't work out that well..because some don't confirm if coming or not, some say they are busy with prior appointments or personal work, some say that they are coming for sure but don't turn up..
There is enormous amount of work involved in planning, organising, arranging food (whether prepared at home or bought from outside.)..
I notice that some people turn up really late ,some say that they are coming and don't turn up, or just make quick guest appearance , I.e they come and then leave in 30-45 mins..those who have small babies or very very elderly people, it's ok but others can stay and help out a bit atleast..it seems like they just came for formality..
Due to these, I notice that lot of food gets left over..also our schedule goes for a toss due to enormous time and energy for all preparations and waiting for all people to leave before the clean up..also cleaning up the house or hall isn't easy..usually maids don't like to help with such task even if we pay them.
I feel bad when excess money is spent on food and gets wasted when people don't turn up..
I want to know how u all handle such matters?
For any occasion isn't it better to just invite 1-2 families individually for lunch rather than a whole lot?
And friends and families groups can meet up at some restaurant or cafe to celebrate any occasion right..
I don't have much experience in all this..also many times they don't respect my views as they give more importance to family friends society etc.
Pls share your thoughts..
Click to expand...

like minded young couples week end meet with beer session followed by singinging acting soliloquy dialogue delivered and then dinner till vee hours do a lot to such gatherings unwind.
2. Every couple prepare some good dishes and we have taste of many hands in one go.
3. My DIL for such week end parties bring her dish in huge packs. Yes you had hissed it right.
IT IS FRIED MASALA PAPPAD .
THANKS AND REGARDS.
God Bless.

Needtobestrong · Jun 19, 2018

These get togethers were very frequent couple of years ago, but have reduced in past 2 years..
The prob is that , even during potlucks those who attend just bring one simple dish and come according to their wish and not at fixed time..but MIL insist on preparing 3-4 dishes and also buying desserts and few snack items from outside , then we end up making more effort and getting exhausted and spending more money while others don't have to put that much effort...
And obviously if we ask maid to wash that many plates , utensils etc she makes long faces and just rinses utensils in water without even scrubbing with soap!
I'm wondering if there is any way for me to make my family members a little reasonable so that I'm not inconvenienced?..

NeerjaC · Jun 19, 2018

Since your in laws enjoy socializing so much, can some of these get-togethers not be conducted outside the home? I can't tell from your post where you are from but in the US there are places where you can plan an entire party, including clean up and gifts with venues, all you have to do is pay and turn up. If you want, your MIL can still bring some of the dishes from home (since she obviously loves cooking and have other people eat her food) but don't have to worry about the clean up.

The other suggestion I have with regards to the left over food is doggy bags. Make everyone take a little bit with them, an aunt of mine who loves entertaining does just that. She'll have her plastic containers ready for people to take whatever food they like.

One more thing you can try without offending anyone is to ask for help with the clean up. No one will say no to at least clearing up the house, even if they don't help with washing up.

Mylifedream · Jun 20, 2018

Don’t go to parties and spend time in watching movies with your friends and kids.

Needtobestrong · Jun 20, 2018

NeerjaC said: ↑

Since your in laws enjoy socializing so much, can some of these get-togethers not be conducted outside the home? I can't tell from your post where you are from but in the US there are places where you can plan an entire party, including clean up and gifts with venues, all you have to do is pay and turn up. If you want, your MIL can still bring some of the dishes from home (since she obviously loves cooking and have other people eat her food) but don't have to worry about the clean up.

The other suggestion I have with regards to the left over food is doggy bags. Make everyone take a little bit with them, an aunt of mine who loves entertaining does just that. She'll have her plastic containers ready for people to take whatever food they like.

One more thing you can try without offending anyone is to ask for help with the clean up. No one will say no to at least clearing up the house, even if they don't help with washing up.
Click to expand...

I'm living in India.
will try your suggestions next time..