Gals, Love Your Mils

Fast forward to the next life of Satchi and Ira:

Satchi: Mom (calling the husband's mother with love), I know you like jalebis. I have made this for you for this deepavali. Please let me know how it tasted it.

Satchi's MIL ("Ira"): Thank you, sweetie. You have been so kind to me to give me my favorite jalebis.

Satchi: You enjoy tasting it and I will be right back.

Satchi walks back with a person wearing a black coat.

Satchi's MIL: Sweetie, your jelabis were divine and tasted so good. I was going to write my bungalow, farm house, five-acre ranch, and all the black money I stashed away in Swiss Bank accounts into your name.

Satchi: No need. This person has brought a Will that you need to sign. Having taken so much sugar, you will be dead before your son arrives tonight. Please sign it and I will inherit all you have and not only what you had just mentioned. I do hope we never meet again in our next life.

Satchi's MIL ("Ira"): . She never changed one bit since my son married her.

Viswa

 

Dear Satchi,

Have you watched the ad in which the husband answers the door to receive and consume his gulab jamun and comes back and sit quietly in the couch ignoring the staring wife who is busy knitting something while watching TV? Ira might transfer all the wealth to that delivery boy.

 

Though my mil's sisters envied her for being lucky to get a good and loving dil for her only son, she had nothing to offer me. She was wearing a two and of carat diamond ear ring and Eight sovereign double row gold chain and she wanted to give it to me daughter. But alas! Even those two jewels were given to her daughter during her last visit to her daughter's house. I never had passion for ornaments and Rao I didn't bother.

 

Haha Satchi! Not just Mils sometimes FILs fit in the equation too. Love all those who we really hate ... mission accomplished

 

Arey wah! Here's my cut of the fast-forward.

All characters in this play alive or dead from sugar overdose are fictional and any resemblance to anyone in real is just a hallucination more than a coincidence. The play is enacted on the same day in three acts with fours actors: Ira (MIL), Satchi (DIL), Viswa (Neighbour), and an unseen man with only voiceover. The living quarters are never shown as the action takes place only in the balconies of two adjoining flats.

Act I

Bright morning, Viswa is sipping his morning coffee. Ira struts into her balcony

Viswa: Hey, you. I heard you got your son married. How's your DIL treating you?
Ira: Treating! Me! My foot! She never wakes up on time. She never cooks. She has no housekeeping skills.
Viswa: But there must be something appealing in her for you to have your son married off to her.
Ira: She makes passable jalebis. I was duped by that one ingratiating act.
Viswa: Passable?
Ira: As in horrible!

A loud rattle disturbs their chat and Ira rushes inside her flat.

Act II

Sundown, Viswa is watering his plants in the balcony. Satchi coyly walks into her balcony.

Viswa: You must be Ira's DIL.
Satchi: Unfortunately, yes.
Viswa: Unfortunately?
Satchi: She is a monster in a cotton clothing. All day, she commands me to make jalebis and feed her.
Viswa: But she told that your jalebis were horrible.
Satchi: I deliberately make them as unrecognizable and horrible as throwable. But she still gobbles and demands more. She has no taste or restraint but is insatiable. I fill jars for her and by the next day, they are all gone.

Act III

Viswa is woken up in in his fitful sleep by the draught in his room. He traipses to shut the balcony door, and then notices a suspicious fella slithering down with a rope from his neighbour's balcony.

Viswa: Hey, anyone there? Who are you?
Voiced Man: A serial killer. Who are you?
Viswa: Serial killer? Where is this absurd plot heading? There's Satchi, Ira, jalebi and why a serial killer now?
Voiced Man: I am not that slasher-trope and maligned serial killer but a thoughtful and harmless serial killer who kills time in the mornings by watching television serials. Hence, my nickname 'serial killer.' In the nights, I scrounge for food by breaking into nearby flats. I particularly like this household because of the readily available jars of delectables.
Viswa: You mean, you have been pilfering those jars of jalebis?
Voiced man: Eh, what? Those crusted, savory, hot, peppered unshapely things are not jalebis but kachoris. You must try them.
Viswa: Is that what Satchi meant by 'deliberately make them horrible and unrecognizable'.
Voiced man: Truth or False, who knows. I think, therefore I am.
Viswa: Satchi, Ira, Jalebi, Serial Killer, Kachori and a cameo Descartes. Only a rhinoceros is missing in this play. I should never have agreed to play a part in their madcap affairs.