In hindsight, I should have employed a technical writer to write up that convoluted algorithm. Interminable Recursive Stack Trace! Out of Memory! Disk Failure! Blue screen! Who gets dizzy first in that round and round uninterrupted loop?
Today is dedicated to censure those corporate minions who disrespect language. Tomorrow looks bright and thirty degrees, with Mercury transiting the fifth house.
What I referred to as an 'algorithm' was an email I wrote to someone who asked me the following question after her English lesson with a tutor: "I am learning the difference between 'that' and 'which', 'each other' and 'one another', 'fewer' and 'lesser' and how to distinguish between and use such words correctly, but that still does not improve my writing. It just has fewer errors than before. How do I write better?" My reply is now buried in years of email detritus if it still exists at all. I need to find it or re-write it. Hence the delay.
Curious, what is wrong with that post as we are talking of writing here. Why is that a typical instance of your parodied corporate-speak. I am confused. Enlighten me!
I did not imply that your post was a typical instance of corporate speak; Just that you are helping protect and resurrect the zombies by defending them, while I am dedicated to driving the stake back into their hearts. In any case, don't take it all too seriously. Just picture me walking back and forth, gesticulating wildly, talking to myself, ranting about the decline of civilization. You will feel better.
You too don't take it all too seriously. Picture me as a psyched-up junkie frying cauliflower, tasting her sambhar, bah! add some more hing and then posting a note to tease the good samaritan in you explaining the rules and friendly tips of interacting with members on the site. "Enlighten me also!" Tsk tsk ..you missed the joke.
Lucy Kellaway broke her hammer: The battle is lost, going forward » Listen to Lucy » Podcast After posting link, I realized that there is a paywall on FT. Guffipedia has this: Going forward - Business jargon dictionary: Guffpedia " Usage example "There's a lot of liquidity out there ready to actually move into situations where there is value and where there's viewed to be value going forward." Lucy’s commentary Mr Dougan managed no fewer than four "going forwards" in one brief interview with the Financial Times. In each case the words attached themselves to the most stupid of utterances. "There's a lot of liquidity out there ready to actually move into situations where there is value and where there's viewed to be value going forward," he said. If I translate this into plain language it means: "There is money in the market ready to be used to buy things that people consider undervalued." And then you see what nonsense it is. In the original FT-column, after going on for several column inches about the use of "going forward" in corporate communication, Lucy finally conceded that she is giving up going forward.
Here is a good one on corporate speech/communication: BBC NEWS | Magazine | Are you going forward? Then stop now "Going forward, who knows?" says David Beckham. Lucy Kellaway anguishes about corporate speech: "Yet more than all this, the really lethal thing about the whole language of business - is that it is so brainlessly upbeat. All the celebrating, the reaching out, the sharing, and the championing in fact grind one down."